You can see the stars, but still not see the light

[Takevowsserious]

Hello friends!

I've officially decided that The Eagles Greatest Hits Vol. 1 is a soundtrack for MLC. I dug out my cd the other day so that I could listen to "Take it to the Limit". Here is the rest of the cd... See what you think...

1. Take it Easy (umm, I'm trying to)
2. Witchy Woman (replace the w with a b and I think you get what I'm thinking here)
3. Lying Eyes (ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha )
4. Already Gone (where my title came from)
5. Desperado (oh, I'm living with him alright)
6. One of these Nights (I keep hoping)
7. Tequila Sunrise (I think we've all had one lol!)
8. Take it to the Limit (my song)
9. Peaceful, Easy Feeling (please, please can I get there one day!)
10. Best of My Love

I love music, and just wanted to share

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a lot of great discussion about various things on my last thread.

One of the topics was EA vs. PA.

I believe my H's PA started out as an EA. I'm sure a lot of them do. I don't really know if one is more or less painful, as they both have broken my heart. I feel like with each, my H gave a part of himself that was supposed to be special and only for me to someone else. And I feel like once that happens, you can't undo what has already been done. The damage is there. What was once sacred is cheapened and broken.

But I have been assured by some pretty reliable people that trust can be restored and a M renewed. Plus I am working on not getting ahead of myself lol!!!

Oh the texting...

Well, if his serious expressions indicate the end of the A is on the horizon, that would be awesome! The serious expressions aren't new though, this has been going on for awhile. You are right UW, this is so excruciatingly slow, it is enough to make a person (me) go batsh!t. I mean if a cat has nine lives, how many freakin lives does this damn affair have?!?!? Just die already!!!!

Still a boatload of texting all day. Seemed down. Did play with boys this evening, they had a squirt gun battle outside. The boys had a blast, and H looked like he was having a lot of fun too. He managed to not text during that.

It is just a strange shift since he has returned. I've had to adjust my approach and give him some more space, where as before he left I was stepping it up. And since we can't even begin to imagine what happened on that trip or what's precipitating now, backing off is really all I can do.

Pop some popcorn people, a big ol' tub of it. I still have this gut feeling that things are going to get very interesting at the casa de TVS.

Have a great night everyone

[uRworthy]

The Easles rock! that is a perfect MLC soundtrack. LOL!

I feel like with each, my H gave a part of himself that was supposed to be special and only for me to someone else. And I feel like once that happens, you can't undo what has already been done. The damage is there. What was once sacred is cheapened and broken.

I do understand your feeling that way, T. I do. As I posted to Linda, what he gave to her is nothing like what he had with you. It just isnt. She is getting a broken man, T. He is showing her only what he wants. It is not real. It is not based on love and committment and history. She is not getting the parts of him you know. She is getting a shell of him, a ghost. You cannot give of yourself when you are not whole. You cannot give of yourself when you are not well. You cannot give of yourself when you are still investing in your family.

But I have been assured by some pretty reliable people that trust can be restored and a M renewed. Plus I am working on not getting ahead of myself lol!!!

That's my girl.

Oh the texting...

You are right UW, this is so excruciatingly slow, it is enough to make a person (me) go batsh!t. I mean if a cat has nine lives, how many freakin lives does this damn affair have?!?!? Just die already!!!!

Ah, I remember the feeling so well. I am not going to lie, it suckked. Remember the end comes when your h has some realizations. You cant rush this. You want him to really be ready to start doing the work.

It is just a strange shift since he has returned. I've had to adjust my approach and give him some more space, where as before he left I was stepping it up. And since we can't even begin to imagine what happened on that trip or what's precipitating now, backing off is really all I can do.

Yep, you are right. You have such good intuition, T. Leave him to it.


Pop some popcorn people, a big ol' tub of it. I still have this gut feeling that things are going to get very interesting at the casa de TVS.

Got my popcorn and my comfy chair. hang in there, sweetie.

[GALbaby]

Love that soundtrack too TVS! It brings back good memories for me.

You've got it right...all you can do is back off if you feel its not good to move too quickly on your H.

Have been reading lots of interesting posts on your thread...you've got lots of support and great friends here. I wish this A would hurry up and end too. I'm riding this roller coaster with you, hopeful, sad, angry, disappointed you name it all the feelings are there too when I read each post of yours. Can only imagine what its like living it like you do.

Take care TVS..keep taking the high road. x

[FloydMan]

Love you TVS! Have been thinking about you. I am one huge Eagles fan too! This greatest hits volume is great for the MLC Jukebox. Lyin Eyes of course strikes a chord. I think I really ticked exwife off last year when I was strumming it. Oddly, it was more subliminal than anything...I really wasn't thinking and just strummed it. I only know 4 songs. Maybe it should have been Margarittaville. Lol.

[ForeverYoung]

(H) Did play with boys this evening, they had a squirt gun battle outside. The boys had a blast, and H looked like he was having a lot of fun too. He managed to not text during that.

There's your answer to H's texting addiction T. Just keep the boys armed and loaded! If he stops to text he gets drenched!

This just goes to show how timeless these classic Eagles tunes truly are. You were just a little kid when they were written!

Lighten up while you still can
don't even try to understand
Just find a place to make your stand
and take it easy

[reachingHigher]

Hi Tvs!

As a classic rock fan, I love the Eagle's too. I've been hoping my H's MLC trip isn't Hotel California (you can check out but you can never leave!)

Here are some quotes that really resonated with me:

Remember the end comes when your h has some realizations. You cant rush this. You want him to really be ready to start doing the work.

But I have been assured by some pretty reliable people that trust can be restored and a M renewed.

I wish this A would hurry up and end too. I'm riding this roller coaster with you, hopeful, sad, angry, disappointed you name it all the feelings are there too when I read each post of yours. Can only imagine what its like living it like you do.

I really liked the family time with the boys. It eases your H back into family life somewhat and gives him another snapshot to put in his memory album about happy times with you.

You are doing awesome.

I'll post some about my weekend on my own thread soon.

I would have to say I think my H and I are falling in love with each other. It's an incredible feeling and experience.

Hugs,
rH

[RosaLinda]

Wow TVS, I didn't realize the Eagles should be the official band of LBSs. I vote for Lyin Eyes as our theme song!!

"I believe my H's PA started out as an EA. I'm sure a lot of them do. I don't really know if one is more or less painful, as they both have broken my heart. I feel like with each, my H gave a part of himself that was supposed to be special and only for me to someone else. And I feel like once that happens, you can't undo what has already been done. The damage is there. What was once sacred is cheapened and broken."

my H's PA started as an infatuation or maybe a short EA, then H broke it off in a couple of months(his usual MO with his language partner friends) and restarted up the end of January. The PA hurts me a lot, but the fact that he gives so much love and affection and attention to RT hurts worse than the fact that he boinked that skinny skank. uR helped me a lot, TVS, to see that he's not giving her his ALL and she's not getting him at his best but it frigging hurts. He has such lying eyes. And so does she. 

We went to Home Depot this evening, and he was acting so friendly and nice, and I stupidly patted his leg, and he flinched away like my hand was 300 degrees. So hurtful TVS. I had this horrible overwhelming feeling that I do not want to do this any more. That I can not do this any more. But one second later he was babbling again friendly as can be. 

I get so confused TVS. So sad. Nero was asking today how long it will be until the novacaine wears off their feelings for us. I cannot do this for another 31/2 years. 

Thanks for writing this "But I have been assured by some pretty reliable people that trust can be restored and a M renewed." i truly believe that TVS. I believe that yours will be, and soon. And I know that mine CAN be, but am not sure I'll still be here when H wants me back

[Takevowsserious]

Hi everybody!

Yes rH, I'm hoping my H's MLC isn't like "Hotel California" either - and I'm trying not to be a "Victim of Love"! Maybe someday we'll discuss The Eagles Greatest Hits Vol. 2

I was really thinking about what you said UW. I know FT is getting a broken man, I know she isn't getting all of him. But he IS treating her the way he should be treating ME. And that has been a tough pill to swallow.

But I don't want to rush things, want him to see the light all on his own and be willing and able to make amends and do the work to rebuild. If that never happens, it is on him not me.

Hi Gal ~ I am so glad you have been here with me. It has been tough, that's for sure. But I am getting by with a little - no make that a lot - of help from my friends.

I do always check your thread for updates. Hope you are doing well my friend.

Hey FloydMan! I'm glad you stopped by, I was wondering where you've been! We do love our MLC jukebox, don't we? Sorry that your W is still being a witchy woman. That's hard when they are so angry. Seems like you are holding up well though.

FY, The Eagles were so ridiculously talented, it's a shame they couldn't get along better. Are they still on the outs? I really like this part of "Already Gone" ~

"Well I know it wasn't you that held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you that set me free
So often times it happens
That we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key"

This is so very motivating for me.

Do you think it would be out of line if I soaked my H with a squirt gun while he's texting? You know, one of those huge super soaker jobs with a lot of power to it?
Hey, a girl can dream can't she...

Oh rH....

"I would have to say I think my H and I are falling in love with each other."

This made me smile the biggest smile! I will comment more on your thread, but I read your updates with such joy. I can't even imagine what you are experiencing - in a good way! I'm so very happy for you, truly

Ha ha Linda, they really can't hide their Lyin Eyes - even though they are often so clueless and self- involved, that they think they are!

I know what you mean when they are so hurtful when we try to have any physical contact with them. At one point, my H wouldn't let me scratch him, and instead rubbed his back on a wall! I think that is why is has taken me a long time to work up the courage to attempt any physical interaction that I initiated. I waited till I felt he may be open to it. I did not want to touch that hot stove and get burned again

I get confused too Linda, all the time. That's why I often depend on my good friends here to steer me in the right direction. I think it can be hard to see things clearly when you are in the thick of it. Often my heart tells me one thing, my head another.

You have been so patient and loving to your H. If he really wanted to be gone, he would be. And he and his Russian hussies are simply using each other - I know that doesn't make it any less hurtful for you.

You had asked me on your thread what I think FT wants from my H. I don't think she wants to marry him. She has kids. She has a bigger, more expensive house than me (with a sweet in ground pool lol!) So what does she want...

I think she uses H for attention to build her non- existent self- esteem, for sex, and for money/gifts/trips. If we're going with the high school mentality, he's the very good looking, popular, captain of the football team prom king (literally!) He wouldn't have given her the time of day in high school, would have considered her beneath him.

Now she keeps his balls in her purse, as she keeps him on a short leash. Pathetic and sad. I wish he would grow up, man up, ask for his balls back, and tell her fat nasty a$$ to take a hike. Again, a girl can dream can't she...

~~~~~~~~~~~

H continues with the moping. He came up to bed around 2:00 am and spent the night there, which was a complete shock to me after how he has been acting. The night before, he said he didn't sleep all night. He was just starting to fall asleep as the sun came up.

Still texting away with the serious face.

Did play outside again with the boys this evening. We took the boys around the neighborhood on their bikes too.

H seems to be fluctuating between avoiding looking at me/giving me eye contact, to staring at me and wanting my attention. Go figure.

Went to church today, it was very good. Message today was about discovering who you really are, finding your place in the world. Still working on that!

Detaching best I can here folks, but it is tough. Have plans tomorrow morning with a friend and her children, then H will be at golf by the time I get home. Will be interesting to see what time he comes home tomorrow and if he comes home drunk again.

Keep popping that popcorn.

Good night

[uRworthy]

I know FT is getting a broken man, I know she isn't getting all of him. But he IS treating her the way he should be treating ME. And that has been a tough pill to swallow.

I know how hard it is, T, and how very hurtful. I had commented on Linda's thread that I remember my xh getting all dressed up to go meet her and he was in a frenzy trying to get out of the house. I remember thinking, wow, look at him. He hadnt dressed up to take me out in so long. He was taking her to all the best places, tripping over himself to do it.

Until I started thinking, look at him. Trying so hard to get her because he is feeling so badly about himself. Trying so hard to impress someone so unworthy. He could have bought her a castle, but, at the end of the day, he was still broken, she was still nothing and me, well, I was amazing.

I would never lie to you, T. It still hurt, but, it hurt a lot less. Because the way he was with her wasnt who he was. It wasnt him. He was desperate to stop the pain. Desperate enough to be someone he wasnt. It was more sad, than hurtful at that point. He wasnt the man I knew with her. That man wouldnt be doing what he was doing. She was getting someone else.

And T, you dont really know how it is between them.


H seems to be fluctuating between avoiding looking at me/giving me eye contact, to staring at me and wanting my attention. Go figure.

Yea, he is feeling the guilt and feeling the change in atmosphere. Too bad for him.

Detaching best I can here folks, but it is tough.

It is tough, especially with young children. You can only do the best you can, T.

[ForeverYoung]

Do you think it would be out of line if I soaked my H with a squirt gun while he's texting? You know, one of those huge super soaker jobs with a lot of power to it?

Hay, as long as one of the boys is behind him you're in the clear. Collateral damage and all, doncha know.

Of course, then you'd have to get uR to make his phone a raincoat!