What I meant MrBond and everyone else is that I assume that people will recognize the pattern of things improving, the WAW panicing as a result (because if things go too well, that could take the "WA" out of WAW) and intentionally creating bad situations to get things back on a bad path.
As I said, the whole story is too long to type, but in essence, it involved my W and kids going to a cottage for the week and me not being asked to come. So all week, my kids are begging me to come up and I have to tell them I can't. Meanwhile, my good friend was invited up twice with his kids, while my kids assume that their dad doesn't want to be with them. And my oldest child from my first marriage is with me, wondering why she can't see her siblings. There's more, but in short, a very tough week and it made me realize exactly where I stand. At this point, I've pretty much given up. I know I haven't been DBing for that long, but the whole process has been going on a year and has nearly killed me, literally.
"I assume that people will recognize the pattern of things improving, the WAW panicing as a result (because if things go too well, that could take the "WA" out of WAW) and intentionally creating bad situations to get things back on a bad path."
Umm no this is not a normal pattern. It doesn't seem like she was creating a bad situation for you. She just wanted to spend some time with the kids alone. You're jumping the gun.
You haven't even detached yet which is why you haven't really be DBing. I don't think she was doing this to intentionally hurt you. She just doesn't seem to see it as that big of a deal. You could very well do the same.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Ok, thanks, Mr Bond. I am hypersensitive after all this craziness, so maybe I am overreacting. I will try my best not to " jump the gun" and stay true to to the principles of DB. I fear that I am not doing a very good job at this point
InIrons, I'm right there with you. I'm going through the exact stuff but I'm a bit further in that W already moved out. I've been completely cut out of all the stuff I had been doing w/her, her family, and my kids for over ten years now. It's like I don't exist in a matter of months. But here's the deal.. Inside of me, I've found this little crying baby (ego?) who keeps yelling "It's not fair! It's not FAIR!" I'm learning (slowly) to put my finger the ego's mouth (figuratively) and say, "Yeah, life's not fair, so what?" to it and then act "AS IF." I'm getting on with my life. I feel like I have courage now to do stuff I've only been talking about for years. I've already hit a few things on my list. How's your list coming along?
I'm learning that DBing is about turning all this horrible stuff that's happening to us into a win-win situation. So, in the end you'll be living a happy, fulfilled life with or without your W. Is it hard? Heck yeah it's hard. Is it worth it? Heck yeah it's worth it. Is it possible? Well, only if you try! Hang in there. You're in good company. We're all struggling right along side you.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Thanks etc. Sorry that you're here as well - I'm also ten years in and was happy doing all the "stuff". I know what you mean about being treated like you don't exist.
I am still plugging away at my 180's and GAL work. Diet is going great, running every other night, down about 15 pounds in 4 weeks or so (I'm not overweight, but like everyone, could afford to lose 25 pounds). House and yard are meticulous (I was a bit of a slob at times in the past). Still doing everything despite having a setback last week.
I am confident that I can find another woman in the future as it's never been a problem before; the real rub is that I want the one I have / had. And after two marriages (if this one fails), I'm not sure I want to expose my heart to any more trauma.
As much as this process is killing me, my main concern at this point is for the kids; I've seen too much of the impact of divorce on kids. But, as unfair as it is (and I hear that voice inside as well), all I can do at this point is carry on, knowing in the end that I did everything I could.
