You know I love you

[sgctxok]

...even though it has been awhile since I've posted.


You are the BEST of the BEST especially when it relates to marriage/relationship and skillset.


I'm wondering who is willing to work with Newbies related to DB skillset.


This does NOT mean you have to exemplary in execution (I'd have been outta here at the onset--anyone who knows me well knows that. Anyone who knows me well also knows I am dedicated to DB processes, Michele herself, and Virginia herself)



So the skillsets are (per Divorce Remedy,even though Keeping Love Alive is my personal favorite)



-Start with a Beginner's Mind
This IS an actual skillset. The best of the best 'Begin Again', often, even if they
describe it differently. It stops you from being stuck. Or gets you out of being
stuck. It lets you learn things you missed the first time. It lets you learn the
things about your partner that changed since the last time you checked in. It
reminds you to check in again. It is NOT a setback. And yet, it can save you
from a setback.

If you have a slightly Buddhist mentality, you get this.

I was raised Catholic. After my divorce, I explored other options. We are all not
so different. The humility of this mindset corresponds with my Franciscan/catholic
mentality. It also corresponds with my analytical chemist (pharma) mindset. We
often start at the beginning in an investigation. I correct myself. We ALWAYS
start at the beginning. It is required.


More to come





Any or all of the above (and if you do ALL contact Michele)!

[sgctxok]

Skillset 2


KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

Besides being the 2nd DR step, it is a significant skillset


The hardest thing for me as a moderator, or KLA leader-- is to get folks to say what they WANT in their relationship.


Can you describe what you want MORE of in your relationship?


On a GREAT DAY-- what is going on?


This is the hardest, and I would argue, the MOST important skillset.


As a woman
--does it sound like a compliment about your looks
--does it feel like Brad Pitt is seducing you in mr and mrs Smith?
--is he doing some housework for you?
--is he showing up like Mark Wahlberg with no shirt on

If you say ALL of the above, you have to go to McDonalds with no kids and sit it the playland with only a diet Pepsi for two hours because you are completely unrealistic.


As a Man
--do you wish she would recognize your efforts, if so, how?
--do you wish she would contribute financially -- in a significant or small way?
-- do you wish she would respond favorably sexually?
Does this also mean you wish she cared more about her physical
appearance for you?
Does this mean the way she dresses?
Does this mean her weight?
--do you wish she would initiate sexually?

[sgctxok]

Skillset 3

Ask for what you want
--make it action-oriented (instead of saying you want to be more adventurous/romantic/fun, say you want to do X (eg, go to a race/movie/bikeride) approximately Y (eg, 2) times per month.)



--make sure you aren't complaining
--break them down into small steps





(Guess what, if you have this down, you should give advice to newbies)



Think about your timing
When is your partner approachable?
When is your partner unapproachable and likely to give you a negative
response?

[sgctxok]

Skillset 4. Stop Going Down Cheeseless Tunnels


I've heard some of you talk about this before. I'll let you describe/explain it.