Here i am 5 years on

[dustmeoff]

Hi- 5 years ago I had an affair , spent a year lying and minimising it, tried to fix the marriage, did everything wrong and then after a year XH met another woman and that was that.
I found this website then, followed all the advice , bought the books but there was 3 in my marriage and it was never going to work. What did happen though after losing a lot of weight and crying a river, DB got me through it.
So XH now lives with this woman, and has done for 18 months, we have split financially BUT we are still not divorced. We communicate seldom as our kids have all grown. I have a partner ( but he does not live with me, I am not ready for that ) and i thought I was realativiely moved on except for what happened last week...
My son moved out of home and bought his first house and he has decided to have a house warming parrty. Now I have not seen my XH with this other woman and he jhas never seen me with a boyfriend. I decided i could not and did not want to see him with someone else so i sent him an email wwhich suggested he or I went for the first few hours and then we swapped. This is wahat he replied

Just like to say I do not consider Linda a girl friend as you put it, I have no ties with her and am free to walk anytime, I'm easily content and she is providing everything I need at this time, I enjoy her company and she is not demanding in anyway, who knows what the future will hold, she may think other wise but I don't care. While for now working the Norrie Street mortgage down I'm content to carry on what I'm doing.

so why tell me all this, considering we rarely talk and how is it , that I now feel sorry for Linda ?

looking forward to some insight

[KarenR]

Hi, maybe it just brings up alot of feelings that you felt in the past, and also there seems to be some unresolved issues. It is fine to feel sorry for someone, empathy is a good quality, but it might be helpful to get some clarity on what happened in your marriage as it doesn't seem that you have completely dealt with it, and it will be hard to move on successfully until you do. A DB coach can also help you with that process. Take good care.