My wife dropped the bomb on me 3 months ago after a fight we had. Some background on us. We are only married for a year only and we just celebrated our first year anniversary. We have no children currently and we have been together for three years.
It isn't uncommon for people to think 'walking away' is the answer when relationships have problems so early in the marriage. It is so important to understand what the real issues are and how to come up with solutions that will allow you to have the relationship you want. When folks just walk away, they go on and have the same problems in the next relationship. Talking to one of Michele's coaches can help you get your marriage back on track, but also give you the tools and skills that can last a lifetime. Please call me for more info. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
During the fight, she told me that she no longer feel any love for me and asked me what we should do. In my anger, i questioned her why does she feel that way. I told her that i also feel that I feel that she does not care about me at all for the past few weeks. She also went on to say that whenever she ask me how does she look, I will just comment to her that "not bad" and "ok". I tried to justify my actions to her that I was just trying to give her my honest opinion of her dressing and not trying to undermine her. She flared up immediately after that saying that i'm implying that she is not beautiful in my eyes. The rest after that was history.
She dropped the bomb to me a few days later. I started crying, begging and pleading. Informing her that i've already made arrangement with a MC and asked her to come along to fix our problems. She initially rejected it and finally agreed to go with me.
During MC, she revealed that initially she was trying to tell me our relationship problems trying to fix it with me. However, she does not want to fix our relationship now. She further went to say that I do not speak her love language being words of affirmation and gifts.
She started giving examples that she even told me specifically that she wanted something but i would keep giving her excuses not to get it for her.
At the end of the session, i started pleading to her to gave me a chance to work on our marriage but i'm sure everyone knows where this is going.
I think that her comment about not feeling love for you, yet asking you what the two of you should do, is telling.
Although I wonder if there is a cultural consideration there. Are you both "traditionalists" in your ideas of family, couples and marriage?
I notice that you mention going to MC so I suspect there is at least some modernized relationship thinking, at least on your part. I also notice your W mentioned you do not speak her LL. She could simply be using the LL as a reason things won't work.
Do you think there might be an affair going on? Would that be a deal breaker for you?
I think that her comment about not feeling love for you, yet asking you what the two of you should do, is telling.
Although I wonder if there is a cultural consideration there. Are you both "traditionalists" in your ideas of family, couples and marriage?
I notice that you mention going to MC so I suspect there is at least some modernized relationship thinking, at least on your part. I also notice your W mentioned you do not speak her LL. She could simply be using the LL as a reason things won't work.
Do you think there might be an affair going on? Would that be a deal breaker for you?
Hi KD, thanks for stopping by. I'm currently 30 and my W is 26.
I agree that her comment on feeling not love and asked what me what to do is telling. But stupid me want to always justify my actions. I recognized now that is wrong.
I would say that I'm the traditionalist in marriage here but my W is not.
As for having an A, I did have this thought at that point in the past, I would think it is a deal breaker. However, currently I'm not too sure.
Will be updating my situation up to speed when I get more time at work.
Was having dinner tonight with my colleagues and i started thinking about my wife. I believe that i got so distracted that i didn't have the mood to speak at all. Tried to keep having PMA and was able to pulled myself away from that sadness until i was alone when i was heading home again. That pain is so raw and yet i wish that I would be having dinner with my wife tonight.
I pleaded with my wife after her to give me a chance but she refuses to. That is when my C steps in and says that he will teach me how to speak my wife's love language.
By now, wife has already shifted back to her own house. I put what i learnt from my IC into use. I sent my wife roses daily and wrote a small card to her. Initially she said that seeing the flowers remind her how much i didn't care for her in the past. I still carry on sending flowers and her favorite food daily along with a card. After 1 week, she finally asked to meet me for dinner. Her original intention was to settle our new housing on whether we should sell it. In the end, she says that we will try again in this relationship.
We tried for a week and she said that she want to continue with the divorce. Yet again i cry, beg and plead with her. She told me that we shouldn't contact each other for 2 weeks. In the end she messaged me that we should try again after 1 week.
1 week later, she asked for a meetup and say that she is firm on the divorce and that i do not understand her at all. She also mentioned that she has this barrier for me whenever she sees me. I cry, beg and plead yet again but she refuses to change her mind. She started heading back to her place from the meetup location and i followed her. After i've 'sent her back', i quitely left. It was this moment, she text me again asking me to look for her at her place. She then told me that she wants to try the relationship again. She asked for my plan on how we should carry on from here. I told her that i need to work on my communication with her. We agreed to go for date once per week.
We went out for a date and that didn't go well, she didn't speak at all. I was doing all the talking. In the end, after one week, i told her we need to talk about us.
This may be a point where you need to seek legal advice regarding your M and financial disposition. Trying to stop her from selling the house may push her to be more aggressive with divorce.
A lawyer might be able to tell you if you need to legally separate or whether you can buy her out of the home and have her file what is known in western laws as a "quit claim" which means you would own the home outright and she would have no further financial claim to it, even if the two of you do not divorce.
Anyhow, seek the advice of a lawyer and proceed as advises, although you could simply let your W know that you are not sure how to proceed with the house at this time and will consider her desire to sell.
Once you've said that, we often find the WAS drops a topic if we don't resist it.
Thanks for the replies kd. My wife and I met up and discussed on this issue. She told me that we have two choices, one is to sell the house and we will pay a penalty of 20% of the house value or we have to find another person in the same family nucleus to take over the house. I said that I understand that she wants to sell the house and this is something we need to make a joint agreement to it. I carried on and said however I have my own stand on selling the house and that if she really wants to sell the house, I cannot stop her from it. My wife left the conversation there and said that she will let me know again.
I'm not sure if I've handled the situation well. Any advice from anyone is appreciated.
