Not much to say so far this morning other than I am feeling really good and have been since I went and filed the civil actions for support/custody.
PMA baby, PMA!
Also, I just believe that I am really accepting where I am in my sitch...and really starting to enjoy the "single" life as it were.
Not sure where I am going from here...but my big girl panties are on and I am buckled in....it has been quiet, and I feel the storm coming. Lol!
And yes AJM - I have a lot to be happy and thankful for. Lacking a relationship right now is also a blessing...on the surface I see what my H has jumped into with OW/GF. He doesn't look happy, and I am really hoping that he isn't...hoping a little karma is kicking his butt. We will see....
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
You sound like you are in a better place. I'm glad you are feeling better today. I'm glad you've buckled up because he's not going to be happy when he finds out about the civil actions. But you know what? He brought it on himself.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am prepared to STFU, as I have seen said on another thread. He did bring it on himself.
Got my popcorn and gonna work on the frozen margarita's by the end of the week.
I can't wait to see how this "reality" plays into his "fantasy".
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Calm before the storm. Well, get your rain jacket and willies. No matter how bad the storm, they always do end. Your H is going to get a huge wake up call.
Reflecting today on sex and how to cope!!! TMI? Hopefully I am not the only who has ever thought about this.
Anyhoo! Yes, hoping H gets a wake up call, but I am thinking not. From what I have seen and been told he seems on a path of self destruction that he could care less about. I guess our lives have always been so "clean" that he is now living on the dark side and up-ing his bad boy image.
I am tired of the sitch and all that comes with. The boys and I want to move on without H. Is it wrong that I wish he would vanish and leave us to live the lives we had planned?
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Hello! Just releasing some emotional baggage before I start my single life weekend. Boys are with H.
I am feeling weird today. I really don't know how to describe it. I guess I will touch on the "things" that I feel weird about about. Maybe that will help me through...
The civil actions - H has not even mentioned these. I wonder if because he hasn't seen them or if he has and just couldn't give two flipping fvcks about them. I don't know, but I was prepared for the raging animal to let loose by the weeks end here and I didn't get that. I am taking the quiet for what it is...definitely better than spew.
Money - H has not brought up anything in regards to his lack of contributing to our marital debt this month ... at all. But interestingly, due to me lacking funds to pay EVERYTHING, he went ahead and paid some of our joint debt yesterday. Didn't make mention of this either, but I have access to the account and found out they were paid. Weird.
Love - I am in a bind on this one. I am not sure how I feel anymore. Do I love him still? My mind is telling me yes...I mean I am writing on these boards, DB'ing with my best effort, speaking softly to H, doing the "eye connection" thing, and keeping all the loving memories of our relationship in the fore front, but I just don't know if I love him anymore. Maybe this is the start of something...
Contact - H and I still don't have contact other than kid exchange. I try to make the most of these. Keep it light and positive. this is becoming really natural though, and I wonder if our interactions will ever be anything more than this. It svcks. I don't know if I can continue this for the next 8 years until my kids are grown.
In other news, a couple of points I want to make.
Car seat for OWD is still firmly planted in the car. It doesn't bother me anymore, like when I first saw, and in fact gives me a chuckle. The mere thought of starting life over taking care of a young child like that seems exhausting to me. But maybe he is that much in "love" that he doesn't mind starting over and raising another child. Makes me mad though when he can't even financially support his own. Ugh!
Text exchange this morning. First one in awhile. I sent H a Thank you text for saying he would pick up S10 today and told him to have a great weekend with the boys. He did respond a few hours later with a "Have a great weekend too!". Honestly, I was surprised he responded.
I took boys to the local park this past weekend to play basketball. Apparently S14 mentioned it to H. S14 and H are spending the day together and H is taking S14 to play some more. Last night H asked me "where did we go to play, how were the courts, etc., etc." It was weird for me. I did tell him and shared a highlight of when me and the boys were there and how much fun we had. It was a positive conversation, but weird.
Some things I have been too busy to mention.
Last week S14 had an eigth grade graduation ceremony. It was nice and S14 even won a special award that night. I sat in the middle of S9 and H. Yes, sitting next to H. We talked, shared a laugh or two. My phone was going off a couple of times and I chuckled internally a couple of times, wondering what H thought, but I saw no reaction. On the way out of the ceremony though, H put his hand on the small of my back, the escorting gesture he would have done under normal circumstances when leaving, I felt it, and he immediately realized and moved his hand. But it was there. Neither of us commented or reacted and really pretended like it never happened.
H called last week and asked me how I would feel if he didn't take S10 to MMA class. This is new. He either usually does or doesn't. Never really ask me. I told him how I felt, but that it was his night and ultimately his decision. I also thanked him for being considerate enough to ask me. Again another oddity.
Okay...here is where I am prepared to be smacked silly. A couple of weekends ago I went to a local hardware store to get some items to fix some odds and ends around the house. Those places are always so confusing to find stuff and a very attractive worker offered to help me. He took me where I needed to go and pretty much was doing his job...until I realized that he was actually flirting with me. I have been so oblivious to other males since I was married, that it took me at least five minutes to figure out that he was. We ended by me giving him my number. I don't know what I was thinking, but he said he would call. I guess I was so flattered with the attention that I couldn't help it. Well two days later he texted and then we started to email the next day. Finally he asked if I was dating or married or anything and I was kinda honest and said "Divorcing". Only to find out that he had a long term girlfriend. I wrapped that up really quick. I was very upset that here was another guy, flirting with me, and contacting me, when he had someone. It made me angry, especially since it seemed there was a spark there. But I could never be an OW. Especially since that is a part of my frustrations right now. But it was a learning lesson and I took away a lot from it.
So, still feel weird. Not sure if I am standing or walking away. Here is a decision that is in MY control and I can't figure it out.
Hence the fun filled, lack of responsibility weekend. I need a distraction.
So not an emotional roller coaster, but more like a train ride around an oval track. No start, no finish, just endless circling.
Have a great weekend all.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
B, Try to put the mlc monster on the top shelf of the closest this weekend and just think about doing fun things for yourself. The dusting can wait, the cleaning up of the house can wait...it's time that BRNR do something for herself. It's time to get out there and discover something new. Check the local paper to see what's happening, visit some antique shops just the browse, take in a good movie or find a good book and got to the park or beach and just chill out. This is your special time...make the most of every minute.
Have a great weekend! I'm looking forward to hearing what you did.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly - I went out all weekend and partied like a 20 year old with friends and family. It was fun in the moment, but the after affects were not so good. I probably won't do that again. I have better things to do with my time and energy.
Boys came home Sunday looking so happy. I had to ask if they had a great weekend with Dad and both said yes. I found out Monday night that it was because OW wasn't around and they had Dad's full attention. I was happy for them. There was a clear difference in thier attitude.
On other news. I lost it last night. Cried, yelled, exclaimed that I would "punch that b!tch (ow) in the face if I ever saw her". This needs explanation...
Boys and I were out getting some groceries yesterday at the new grocery store in town. As we walked out, S10 asked what was the other part to the store, which is a liqour store. I told him, and he asked if we should go in there and I told him "No, only big people can go in there". so on the way out to the car, I was joking around with the boys about alcohol and that If I ever caught them, that I would hurt em....and then that is when it happened. S10 said OW offered my S14 alcohol several times when they were out to dinner a couple of months ago. I lost it...I cried and screamed when I got in the car. I even found out that H, went along with the coersion of my S14 taking a drink and OW also gave some to her D5. What a b1tch! And what an a$$ of my H, to even think that was okay. I asked them if it happened more times than one and if my S14 actually took the drink and if they had offered S10 too. All these were answered NO. I ended the conversation with telling both my boys that i was proud of S14 for making the decisions he did and not giving into the pressure. I told them that I didn't agree with OW's wreckless decision and that is why I didn't like her. I also told them that I didn't agree with their father's decision either. Both of my boys told me that they wish there OLD dad would return and that they did not like their NEW dad. I told them all that we could do was pray that their old dad did return one day. They asked me what I thought was wrong with him, and I told them that I didn't know, but that H wasn't making good decisions and I was only concerned about when those decisions affected them. I got the whole "well we really don't like being around Dad anymore, can we just not go over there?". I told them they need to discuss their feelings with their Dad and express everything they express to me to him. I am not sure that my kids are at the breaking point yet that they have the courage to do so.
I am so sad and mad for them. I want to protect my children, and because of the f'd up legal system I can't do anything about any of what is going on. I am trying to build up the strength in my kids. It seems they are going to have to see some ugly things.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I am not surprised, but my H doesn't want the kids for the holiday...and is actually trying to get out of seeing them in the AM on Friday as well.
Why are these MLC'ers sooo hurtful to their children? My H has not asked to see his children not one Holiday since this all started. What p1sses me off more is that numerous times it was thrown in my face by H how I am a bad mom....but this man doesn't even ask for his children on a Holiday. Sad to say, but he has turned into such a bad father...this is mainly why I hold onto the fact that he is in MLC. How can a once great father who adored his children want nothing to do with them on a holiday, birthday, etc...
Urghh! I am seriously thinking of calling him out on this one. I am thinking of maybe just sending him an email just asking what his intentions are of being in the boys lives in the future...and if he wants to change the visitation schedule before we even get to court...or if he just wants to walk away for good. I think the boys would be better off.
I am tired of seeing my children hurt needlessly.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I am sorry that he's being the way he is. I'm not making excuses for him by any means, but right now, he's not mentally healthy and the only thing he wants to do is be free of responsibility. He wants to be able to party and have fun on holidays and most likely be w/his new best buds. Then again, there are some who do absolutely nothing on holidays and just pull the covers up over their heads and hide because the holidays spell family.
You can call him out on this, but it most likely will not make a difference to him. He will tune you out. All it will do is frustrate you even more. Some day, he will reconnect w/his children, but it won't be any time soon.
You are a wonderful mother who is always looking out for her children and that's why it's important to be there for them all of the time. You are the only adult in the picture for now.
Again, I am so sorry he's acting this way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
