What natural remedies are you taking for the depression? I was on ADs for years, but can't afford them...so I'm struggling now.
I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. I'm definitely going to attempt validating instead of brushing the subject off. I'm getting to the point where I want resolution, but I'm trying to talk myself into having more patience, as I believe H will chose D at this time.
H really has done NOTHING to improve his happiness or look inward. He complains daily about hating his job, but won't find time to redo his resume, our look into a company here, that he knows might hire him (albeit at less pay).
H48 M46 T26 M25 S25 D21 10/4/12 BD - ILYBINILWY, S 10/7/12 H Leaves, works 2 hours away H Done 1/13 H tells S he wants D 2/13 NO R talk since - nothing filed We live together weekends
What natural remedies are you taking for the depression? I was on ADs for years, but can't afford them...so I'm struggling now.
The one I found that works best for me is St John's Wort, 1 tablet 3 times a day with meals - and I can get it in the pharmacy section of my local grocery store. If you have a natural health store in your area, you'd be best advised to speak to them as they may recommended something else depending on how severe the depression is. Being natural, there's minimal side effects - did get told I may get upset stomach or digestive issues, but I found that I didn't.
You've got to remember you can't control your H. You can only control yourself and what you're doing. I figure it's like an addict - they can't be helped until they want to be, so why bother trying. Concentrate on you. Make yourself a better person so that no matter the outcome of your sitch, you're in a better place personally to deal with life. Once I accepted that about my H and my sitch, i started to feel more in control, of myself.
Keep your chin up, and just keep taking those baby steps. There's a song by Kelly Clarkson that suits our sitches - "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." And we just need to keep believing that.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Thanks you two. I'll ask at the healthfood place, vitamin store. I'm sure they can suggest something. LBLC, I do what I can, but I have no cartilidge on my left hip joint & no rear flexation in my fingers & wrists, very little side to side on at the ankles..little upwards motion above the shoulder in my arms. 3 crushed disks in my back, and a pinched sacroiliac nerve.
The joint disease I have causes your spine & other joints to fuse together. Top that off with Rheumatoid Arthritis & Fibromyalgia and I have to be VERY, VERY careful not to hurt myself. If I push too hard (like mowing our lawn, which I now usually have to do myself, as hubby who was once meticulous is not so much anymore) I pay bigtime the next day. I swell, stiffen, and go into bouts of exhaustion similar to that after you've had an extended flu. This can last a day...our up to a week, just depends. If anyone knows who Mick Mars of Motley Crue is...well, he & I share the same disease. You can see what its done to him. I'm not there, not anywhere near as frail. But that is my future.
That's some of why I fear life alone so much. My doc said maybe 3 years & I'll need a caretaker. (I'm fighting that ) H knows all this...I can't believe he's left me to face this alone. I sat at his bedside & in waiting rooms in assorted hospitals for YEARS thinking he was going to die. He was disabled for years with a birth defect in his heart that was critical. Now I get this in return? Not fair & it pisses me off!! I have no one but my kids if I should need help. If we D I wont even have access to medical care.
Five years ago I was essentially bed ridden; could not dress myself, comb my hair, drive, walk more than 50 feet at a time. It was terrible. I was in debilitating pain. I've come a long way... But I will never be "normal".
Sorry for the rant, but I'm feeling resentful today. This is new & I'm struggling with it. You're right, I can't change him. I can only change me...and I've done a lot to make myself better. I don't nag, I try to show only PMA (have slipped now & again with tears, but have come a long way), no longer express anger or frustration towards hubby, don't ask his whereabouts/who he's with, don't bring up the R talks, try to be more outgoing/fun/adventurous,etc.
I've taken as much pressure off him as I can muster. I'm kind, respectful, I listen to HIS problems, no longer shop for anything not absolutely necessary (big complaint prior, now he spends frivolously), home cook above average full meals 3x a day (he went through a faze in Jan/Feb where he felt everything I made sucked...still is there occassionally. He used to brag about my cooking & his whole family thinks I should do it for a living). I. I clean/take care of the household (both his & my chores since he's gone all week...and when he is here he jokingly calls himself "a visitor" & acts like one most days). I feel somewhat taken advantage of. But, then, he throws in there that he's paying for the house & utilities so WE get to"enjoy" the house while he "suffers" & sleeps on couches & can't afford an apartment or room.
I've told him...we didn't kick you out, you followed your job (& chose separation, which I didn't say). It's not our fault & I'm trying to keep costs down as much as I can.
So, I try not to get too upset, realizing he's doing a lot for us, but at least I say thanks. I spend 6+ hours cleaning (by myself, my D sleeps on the couch while I do it...its her "day off work" so she won't help. I complain to her, but I can't physically make her help. She will vacuum eventually, since I can't physically run the vacuum cleaner). Its just "MY JOB" to do these things in this familie's eyes, which I didn't mind when I was a wife who got love & respect, who was treated kindly & was part of a team.
Each Friday before he comes home I have the house white glove spotless, lawns mowed, laundry done, food shopping complete (all his favorites/requests), dogs washed, sheets changed,etc. I do this so we can relax & enjoy the weekend with more entertaining things.
Last week he actually complained that the underside tim of the toilet want clean enough in the master bath. Wow. It just hit me today as I cleaned it....how many separated husbands not only get an enthusiastic welcome home each weekend...but also all this other stuff done ( because it was my job when I was a wife & because I still don't have work outside the home, so I figure out IS"my fair share")??!! Do THE other S's actually complain?
Dunno. Just struck me as disrespectful today. Who knows, maybe I'm just growing tired & its been a bad couple of weeks with my dad in the hospital & all on top of it? Didn't help H told me he hated a painting in our livingroom last weekend. I was just dusting it today & the conversation came back to me. I wonder, does he remember that I got it as a housewarming gift for him 3 years ago when we bought this house (our first), and that I bought it because it depicted the Golden Gate Bridge, because we spent a lot of fun times in SF when we dated, and I wanted to honor that?
H48 M46 T26 M25 S25 D21 10/4/12 BD - ILYBINILWY, S 10/7/12 H Leaves, works 2 hours away H Done 1/13 H tells S he wants D 2/13 NO R talk since - nothing filed We live together weekends
H just found out he needs a new pacemaker. We knew this was coming, but its still scary.Hs the kind of guy who gets every 1% complication (like an infected pacemaker the first time, and a psuedo aneurysm that nearly caused him to bleed to death the last time). Looks like the next 30 days. I'm hoping my being here for him is something he sees & hopefully appreciates. I wonder if they'll schedule it around our anniversary (8/21). That would be interesting...maybe even good. Distracting for sure!
Nice thing, H is home early for the weekend because of the doc appointment. He invited me to the appointment ( I have ALWAYS gone to EVERY one, until BD...after which I missed 3). So, him asking me made me feel good...and we are going fishing at a lake about an hour away, this evening. Fun!
H48 M46 T26 M25 S25 D21 10/4/12 BD - ILYBINILWY, S 10/7/12 H Leaves, works 2 hours away H Done 1/13 H tells S he wants D 2/13 NO R talk since - nothing filed We live together weekends
What natural remedies are you taking for the depression? I was on ADs for years, but can't afford them...so I'm struggling now.
I struggle with depression as well and I definitely think exercise helps even out my mood a bit. Also, eating healthy. At least for me, when I eat junk food (and I like to when I'm feeling depressed), I notice that my body also feels blah.
When I'm feeling really depressed, I don't want to get out of bed. In fact, I wouldn't leave the house for days. My therapist suggested making small concrete goals instead of getting overwhelmed by the big picture and as time passes, start to make bigger and bigger goals. So she'd suggest I try and just walk outside to the mailbox if I didn't want to leave my bed--small, doable goals. Maybe you can get some small personal goals for yourself? Hang in there <3
Hi Demoted, also just checking in. I hope everything is going okay with you!
Me: 27 H: 27 Together: 11, M: 3 S 2 BD: 06/24/13 Living together H: EA - unknown current status Read: DB, 5LL (slowly reading DR) Back and forth we go...
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Fun!