This is my very first post ever, but you all seem so helpful I wanted to post my story to see what you think. I apologize in advance for the length My story we've been married 13 years together for 17. My husband came to me in May and said that it was over he was done with the marriage we were having our issues before then he was sleeping on the couch I was sleeping in the room but this was nothing out of the ordinary usually we just needed some space for a few days. We didn't really speak to each other the next couple of weeks.
He has been very angry for the past several years we own a small business that he runs but doesn't make a lot of money I work outside the home to make sure we have enough money to pay the bills. But all in all i thought we were getting along fine.
In the past month my husband changed into a person I hardly recognize. He has become so selfish. I found out two weeks ago that there was another woman when I confronted him he had a smug look on his face like it was a joke. He's staying in the house and said that I need to give him the business. He wants me to just walk away peacefully and when tell him it's not going to happen he gets angry.
Since I'm the one that makes the money i decided to get an apartment I don't leave until Friday but I asked him to go to his parents until i left they said he was really nasty towards them and wouldnt even speak to them. I asked him what was going on he told him he needed to fix that relationship because his parents are all he has. He said he was going to be a loner this next chapter in his life.
He sad he has been unhappy for awhile first he blamed it on my daughter she was very rebellious growing up but now she is 22 and out of the house, he blames his parents because he is an only child and he always wanted a sibling, and of course I get blamed for everything under the sun. We do have a 13 year old s.
I'm really not sure what to make of this I'm usually a strong women that will fight but this has broke me
I'm not a veteran but I noticed your thread hadn't received any response yet.
Have you ordered a copy of Divorce Remedy, the book from which this forum draws its framework and principles? It's important to get that in your hands as soon as possible so you know the playbook.
In the meantime, don't pursue, beg, or plead. Detach. Get a life -- go out and do things, take up new or old hobbies, preferably fill your time with activities that have you meeting new people and even trying new things.
Don't hand over the business or do anything as a concession. If you wouldn't have done something when not undergoing this extreme pain, then don't do it.
I am not sure if you have signed the lease or moved out yet but it's generally recommended that the left behind spouse (LBS) doesn't leave the home, for as long as possible. Your best chance at success, assuming you can follow the principles of divorce busting well, is to stay in the same house as long as possible while you do the work required. Some people can't get the degree of detachment they need in this situation, though, so it is ultimately up to you.
The book is important to read and then we can all be more helpful to you as your situation progresses, but in the meantime, that's the minimum you need to do to prevent the situation from getting any worse -- don't argue with him, don't ask him to come back, lay off all the pressure, and work on yourself.
Me: 24 W: 24 T: 9 M: 6 S7, D4, S2 PA Starts, ILYBINILWY: Nov 2012 BD & PA Discovered: Jan 2013 First ML since BD: April 2013 Physical separation: Mid-May 2013
By the way, the 37 rules in the post I have linked below are immensely helpful while you wait for the book to arrive. You'll get a better idea of what you should and should not be doing so that things don't get worse in the interim.
Me: 24 W: 24 T: 9 M: 6 S7, D4, S2 PA Starts, ILYBINILWY: Nov 2012 BD & PA Discovered: Jan 2013 First ML since BD: April 2013 Physical separation: Mid-May 2013
