Hi My marriage ended about 8 years ago after i had an affair with a friend of my husbands ( it never quite got sexual but that was due to no oppotunity rather than morals ) I was caught with a text, then followed lies, then a few years of trying to fix and gain trust back anf then finally my ex met a woman whom he now lives with , whom he told me about which finally ended our marriage. As you can imagine much much more to this story.
Anyway we are not divorced , we do not really communicate, we have just been overseas for one of our childs 21st, where contact was minimal and we flew in different planes. we were actually in Vegas. We live in NZ.
So legally seperated 3 years, he lives with his rag for past 2 and i have been in a steady relationship 18 months. Up until last week neither one of us had ever seen the other with the new partners. Then we were both invited to a 50th of which I felt i could cope with ( i will admit I was not in a hurry to see him with another woman ) as the venue was large enough to not have to be really seen. This happened and it was fun. My son who recently bought his own house has decided to have a house warming with just family and this i did not feel i could cope with ( had visions of having to converse with 'Rag' and sharing a meal ) so I sent ex an email asking if we could split our time on that day , so that we were not there at the same time and this was what his reply was....
Just like to say I do not consider Linda a girl friend as you put it, I have no ties with her and am free to walk anytime, I'm easily content and she is providing everything I need at this time, I enjoy her company and she is not demanding in anyway, who knows what the future will hold, she may think other wise but I don't care. While for now working the Norrie Street mortgage down I'm content to carry on what I'm doing.
So i would like to hear from you guys as to why you think he would tell me all this and am i wrong to feel sorry for 'Rag'
You're not wrong to feel sorry for her. How would you feel if you were living with a guy, and he told someone else that you weren't really a girlfriend, you were just meeting his needs for the moment and helping pay down his mortgage???
What a piece of work he is!
Yes, probably he's telling you this because he doesn't want you to think the door is completely closed. But if I were you, I'd have a hard time finding him attractive after that misogynistic little speech.
I call her "Rag" as a derogatory term. I blamed her for me not being able to fix the marriage I broke ! Yes i can hear you all . I rarely refer to her as that , just some days. Yes i should stop and yes I guess I hoped someone would see this as a sign of either of us , not quite ready to finish this. Not sure in the states but here you dont have to divorce to settle financially or ever. You cannot anyway for a mininmum term of 2 ywears post legal or agred seperation date. Neither one of us has filed the papers that only require a simple online form .
I suppose I am waiting for something to happen. I don't know what , but something that propels me forward . It's a horrible feeling . I think my problem is that my guy is nt my ex. I keep comparing. He is different but not in a bad way . Not fair I know but is this human nature . I know it is what is keeping me from being content .
Years on new from my infidelity I really can see the pain I caused. I understand myself so much better and I have some serious apologising to do. I dd all the apologising years ago , but looking back it is only time that has really made me feel it
So is this the time to write the letter to to xh . Apologising for not just the affair but previous years abuse and disrespect ? Could I use this to see f a reconciliation is possible or do I just leave sleeping dogs lie and to be honest why do I want back?
