Back from our trip to the East Coast ... it was a bit awkward at first, with family members asking where the W was, but not too bad. I managed to take the kids to New York City without W assistance, so feel good about that as I am normally stressed out about crowds and unfamiliar situations/surroundings.
It was mentioned earlier by Kaffe that I need to be open and transparent ... which I agree with. However, that seems to go counter to detaching and doing things to better myself. As I mentioned above, the MC went well, but she did say that right now the "romantic feelings" aren't there ... and she doesn't know when (or if) they ever will be. To that end, she said if I wanted to "date" or "get together" with someone to fill that need she would have no problem with it. Here is where I'm torn ... I don't want to do that at the moment. It has been three months since we have had any intimate physical contact, but it really hasn't bothered me because I am intent on waiting.
If those feelings don't come back, or if they do but it's WELL down the road (over a year or longer) and I decide that I do want to fill that need in the interim, how do I go about handling that? Detaching would say that I keep my business to myself, but honesty and transparency says that I should tell her.
Everything else seems to be moving along, though I am not getting my hopes/expectations up as I continue to work on myself. We sleep in separate rooms, but otherwise converse in a very civil, often bubbly, happy manner, and have been very good about teaming up to deal with the kids.
So this is my main sticking point ... if the day comes that I DO want to be intimate with someone, should I tell her? Should I act like I'm moving on and keep it to myself? Or should I just not do it and wait for her?
Me 47 W 44 T 17 years, M 15 years D13, D10 March 2013 -- broke a trust/cheated late May 2013 -- W spoke of separation for first time June 2013 -- began reading DB
Just a quick update ... things seem to be going much better, though I am still keeping expectations low and not deviating from my 180s and DBing.
We went to W sister's house for cookout and fireworks on July 4th, and as I was recording the event she came up beside me, grabbed my hand and held it for about five minutes. I enjoyed it but did not make a big deal about it. Until/unless I hear her say "I am ready to move forward with our marriage," I will continue on the current path I've chosen for myself -- and I will still do the things I am doing to become the best man possible.
Me 47 W 44 T 17 years, M 15 years D13, D10 March 2013 -- broke a trust/cheated late May 2013 -- W spoke of separation for first time June 2013 -- began reading DB
