ETC, I've just been hanging low and trying not to use this to vent everyday. My W backed out of going on the trip up to MD. Said she is very short on money and has to stay home work. One good thing that happen was about 5 days ago I asked her to pick up the kids early so that I could go get some things done or just have a free second. Since I have ZERO free days without the kids like she does. She said she couldn't cause she was going to Orlando. I strongly voiced that we need to adjust our schedule because as much as they are my world I need a life outside of them. She came back and hour later with " I really want to apologize to you. You are a great dad and I know you get no free time. I will adjust my schedule so that you get 2 free days that your off work". It's kinda a double edge though. I will miss the kids like crazy but I know I need the free time and the 48 straight hours I'm at the fire dept is not a break, it's work. Even if there is a lot of down time. So at least it was a nice gesture to acknowledge my fathering and willing to use her free time to give me some. Other than that I'm about to leave for camping on Monday and will return on the 16th. The boys will enjoy the time with grandpa and give me a mental break. As for everything else I just trying to take care of myself and stay busy. How have you been ETC?
M:33 W:32 Married:8 Together:10 S:5,4 and 8 months BD: 4/1/13 W move out day: 5/4/13 ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Still feel that she is completely happy in her new situation. Besides the fact that it has made us both really broke. I know she wouldn't mention any doubts to me if she has any but she sure has a great poker face if she does.
M:33 W:32 Married:8 Together:10 S:5,4 and 8 months BD: 4/1/13 W move out day: 5/4/13 ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
I am sorry you are feeling this way Jax. According to this site the WAS is never truly happy bc unless they're a complete narcissist they are feeling conflict and turmoil. It is true, she probably won't show you that unless she steps out of her fog.
Take it as a positive that she recognized that you're a good father (could you imagine if not then you'd probably feel really bad). And there's nothing wrong with you having some days to yourself. This is exactly what makes me upset about WASs when it comes to kids. Don't they see what they're doing is so harmful to the whole family? How can they put this childish notion of "happiness" ahead of their vows to their spouse and obligations to their kids. They say stupid things like "a lot of people divorce / a lot of kids live between two homes" Well that's true but is that what you want for YOUR kid? And if so, since when?? (I guess since BD ...)
Anyway, I hope you have a good day and good weekend.
Me 35 H 34 DS- newborn 8/13 T 8.5 M 7 H's EA - 10/11 INILWY 5/13 DBing 6/13 Don't know WTF to do 1/14
Lost, Oh yeah, my W said that exact thing about a lot of people get divorced and kids going back and fourth. Said that they will always know that they are loved and that's all that matters. I just stare in disbelief. Lol. If your saying things like that you def are not thinking clearly. No surprise coming from the W who said that "down the road our blended families can do holidays together". Lolololol. That one still makes me laugh. Sure!!! In 5 years ill be bringing my new GF or W over for Xmas morning. That's gonna happen. She def doesn't seem to truly know the effects this will have on our kids and for her reasons of having just falling out of love, that doesn't sit well with me. But for now I'm just letting her do her and me do me. I can't control her so I'm trying not to let that get to me. I do plan on asking for a temp check on October 1st. That will be 6 months since she moved out and if she hasent moved forward with filing then what's the hold up when she won't admit that she just needs time. She knows that I can withdraw money from my retirement to cover any court cost from a divorce so that's not an excuse anymore and I do stand strong on the line I drew that I will not be married to someone dating someone else. Now that's not happening yet but if and when it does I will push a divorce through. I'd rather divorce and remarry down the road vs the other. Anyway, that's way down the line. Staying strong for the next 2 months and then ill go from there. I'm thinking about you as you get closer to baby day. Take care!!
M:33 W:32 Married:8 Together:10 S:5,4 and 8 months BD: 4/1/13 W move out day: 5/4/13 ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Jax, you sound great! I know how tough it is and you're further down the road than I am. I like how strong you are becoming in your boundaries. It sounds like you know what you want. I'm still working on that.
I too cannot understand how a mind would think this was all OK and that we'll all be better off in the end. WTF? It's amazing how I've heard the exact same things from my W. It's like they read from a script! Where do they get this stuff from?
In my world, W and I have been getting along better lately, but have a long way to go if we're to call this a M again. I'm really trying to go darker. I don't think I've gone more than 3 or 4 days w/o interacting since this whole thing started. Again, with kids it's pretty much impossible. Not sure if she'll ever miss me at this point.
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
ETC, Man it's tough. I may sound like I'm going great but it's a minute by minute swing. I make light and laugh at things cause I just can't dwell and think negative so much. W has still shown zero interest is us getting back together or even the possibility. But as I've heard others say, she won't tell me how she's feeing. Right now I'm on that trip that she cancelled on. She was only going to ride to MD with me and then stay with her mom while her dad (divorced from her mom for 20 years) (mom pulled same crap on her dad and blindsided him with wanting a divorce) and I took the older 2 boys camping up in NY. I write this from my bed in the cabin with my boys sleeping on the floor next to me. They are having a blast!!! Fishing, canoeing, playing in the river rapids, riding behind the four wheeler. This is what being a dad is all about. I'm loving it. The only bad thing is the memories of this trip. Driving to her home town alone, being up here with everything seeming normal but then I remember what's real. Her dad isn't supporting her decision in this at all and they haven't spoken but once in the last 4 months. She went about 35 hours without contacting me and then texted me with "I'm assuming the boys are having a great time?" I responded an hour later with "they def are". And that was that. She acts like I should be texting her updated about the kids. I sent her pics of them the day before and she didn't acknowledge them so why would I keep sending pics or giving her updates? You want to know then ask!!!! Anyways, I'm just enjoying this trip with my boys and soaking up these memories we are making. As my four year old said today "this was the best day ever!!!!!" Makes a dads heart smile!!! Was your W against any form of counseling? How is she doing financially? Mine is broke even with me giving her money and her mom is helping her too. Her step dad to her mom to stop telling him things cause he doesn't care that she's struggling with money. That he's not supporting her choice either. Her mom is upset by it but is supporting her. Well duh she is, she did the same thing to my W dad 20 years ago. Hope all is well. Take care.
M:33 W:32 Married:8 Together:10 S:5,4 and 8 months BD: 4/1/13 W move out day: 5/4/13 ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
Man it's tough. I may sound like I'm going great but it's a minute by minute swing. I make light and laugh at things cause I just can't dwell and think negative so much.
That's as much as any of us can do. We can't dwell on the bad things because that'll just eat into any PMA we've managed to build up.
Your kids will have wonderful memories of the camping trip. You will too. Enjoy the time and continue to build those memories.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
Spent the last few days with my W's father on a camping trip with my 2 older boys. Great memories and time with my kids. Though everything about who I'm with and where I'm at (her dads upstate ny cabin) remind me of her. Now her step mom and step sister got her today. It's all normal and no one speaks of my W but its painfully obvious to me that she is the missing link and someday she will be up at this cabin with someone else if we don't workout down the toad. Unless her day doesn't allow that which us possible cause he is against what's she is doing and isn't supporting her right now. Anyway, the camping trip was awesome. Lots of memories made with my boys at cranberry lake in NY and enjoying my time. Wishing everyone a good upcoming week and stay strong.
M:33 W:32 Married:8 Together:10 S:5,4 and 8 months BD: 4/1/13 W move out day: 5/4/13 ILYBNINWY,WAS. No talk of wanting to save relationship
I know the feeling Jax. I just spent a week on vacation just me and my son. It was strange being able to have fun without H there, but knowing that this time last year it was the three of us on the family vacation. A lot has changed since then. So glad my son has some good memories of his week with just mom.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
