Friday she left again. I was good. I was practicing STFU all through lunch. We ended up spending more time together since my awesome boss gave me the afternoon off. My W had quite a lot tears at lunch and throughout the afternoon. She did want to talk. She told me she was crying because she knew leaving would hurt me and she didn't want to hurt me. I told her I was fine and that if she needed more space and time, that I was prepared to give it to her. That I felt the first 3 months of our separation had been really good for me.
In our talks I told her that I felt that last Sunday when we had our productive arguing, I felt that she really heard me for the first time and that I felt validated and thanked her. I told her that I felt I could now put those grievences behind me knowing that she "got it". That was a good talk. Her AP texted in the middle of it. I didn't ask what was said but about an hour after lunch she volunteered it.
She said the AP was calling testing the waters and was very mad at her for not spending the holiday with her. That the AP was angry she was with me and was being combative and arguementative. I said "that must be hard." She opened up and said "We've broken it off 5 or 6 times but it's hard to just turn off feelings" My response was, "I understand. That's why you and I are here together right now." She said, "Exactly!"
So when she was leaving I asked if she needed any help (remember she is an ACTS LL) and I helped my W pack herself up to leave our home again. It was so very hard but I remained calm and breathed into it. (luv that SD!) I clearly stated to her this:
"You are leaving again because you need space. I am going to give that to you. I will not seek you out but I am here if you need me. Take good care of yourself."
She left. I got showered and dressed and went out to a show with friends. Then yesterday I spent the entire day at the beach with a friend who introduced me to some new ones. We went to dinner and it was a great day. I kept busy but I noticed that my W hadn't called or txtd. But I'm feeling strong. Then this morning she texted me when she woke up. It said she "hoped my weekend is going good and that I'm having lot's of fun.!!xo"
I waited a few minutes and responded I was having a great holiday. I knew she was too since she's with her brother and sent my love to my BIL & SIL.
She responded again that she "will! xo".
Today I'm relaxing, yard work and for some reason over-eating! lol!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
I'm up. I'm at 'em. Had coffee and planning my day. I think I feel like another day of me. I have a lot I'd like to get done around the house and I want to start the work week off right tomorrow so I'm going do another me day.
My W's BF texted last Fri.and asked if she and a friend (that i don't know) could come down and stay at the house starting next Mon. for a coastal R&R getaway. We have been friends for 13 years and she has been my W's BF for 15. Since the BF found out about my W's A, she has been very supportive of me and does not condone my W's actions. It has placed a huge stress on their R. I felt awkward with the request only because I don't want to alienate my W any further. But put on the spot, I accepted and told her she could come down. Then while my W and I were talking last Fri. I told her about the request and how I felt awkward and wasn't sure what to do but had already accepted.
My W told me that her BF had already asked her earlier that week if my W would be here and could they stay with us?... and my W forgot to tell me. My W said she told BF that she would be at her brother's but was fine with it if BF wanted to ask me... which is good since I already accepted.
I'm feeling a little weird about it even still. I love my friend but I recognize that my W's relationship with her being strained is one of the consequences of my W's affair that she is having to deal with.
I guess I'm worried that my W's words don't reflect her true feelings on the visit.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
I just saw my signature line. Memorial Day is today. That means it is exactly 1 year since my W annouced ILYBINILWY. It happened last Memorial Day when we were on a lake trip with friends. Wow. 1 year. A tremendous amount of pain and a lot of personal growth. I remember that I thought my life was over that day. I made it through.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
I'm waffling in my emotions. Just like I did the first time she left. Weak/Strong, Weak/Strong... Checking my phone too much. Looking at FB. I'm recognizing it. At least I'm not crying. That's dfferent. I think I'm just curious. What is she doing? Does she miss me? Did she argue more with the AP? Did they see each other?
She did text today to say Happy Memorial Day. I'm ok. Just journaling here so I don't try to contact her.
Thanks for always listening.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
I remember thinking that if in three months if things are not better, than it will be over and W would just D me. Well it has been 5 months since she moved out and 8 months since this came about, wow 8 months...
Glad you are getting it out here, it helps me so much sometimes.
Your waffling in your emotions, well I know we are supposed to be strong and live our own lives, but... for me and this in my opinion... I don't see ever not waffling in our emotions, cause we frigging love our spouses!
You are realizing it, dealing with it and working through it to get back to the plan and that is what it is all about!
FB, yeah that is something to work on crossing off your list.
Crying, well for me it is a built in relief valve for your sanity, I say use it and us it often! Yeah maybe not in front of your W, yet... It is ok imo to cry in front of them to show you care or have emotion, just try not to come across needy, if that makes sense?
Keep pushing forward!
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
You are so strong! If i can muster even a smidgen of your purpose, strength, and resolve, then i will be more than pleased. Of course you know that your WAW is *very* blessed to have such a person in their corner.
Your love and compassion is an inspiration to me, and i feel certain, to others in your life. Thank you for sharing.
Me: 49 W: 47 M: 19 T: 25 Son:19 Dau:13 Son:6 BD: Aug: 2012 Separated - same house: May, 2013 Ultimatum to move out: Dec 2013 W looking to move out: January 2014 Dau says go, I move out: June 2014
Hey girl, I hear you on the waffling from weak to strong. Sometimes in a matter of seconds it feels like it can change several time. I believe you are stronger though.
What you have conquered thus far is proof of that. Keep it up. I can honestly say that I gain strength through you & your story. Not only that, but your delicate advice.
Oh, my D5 asked for a hot dog today & I thought of you!
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
