You are both right. It doesn't have anything to do with me. I still can't help but wonder though.
Son #4 told XW this morning that he will not be attending the festivities this weekend. It is sad really.
She gets married tomorrow and not a single child of her's will be there.
Also, in addition to tomorrow's wedding, there is a big get together at her sister's house this evening. OM's family is flying in from Ksnsas and XW's family is flying in from New York. It is a little party so the families can get to know each other. The sad thing is, none of her kids will be there. I almost feel bad for her.
The question is: shouldn't all these people wonder why none of her kids are at the family get together or the wedding? She has four sons and none of them will be there. For someone who always cared so much about fitting in/being accepted/keeping up with appearances, this has got to be a blow. I'd love to hear her explanantion to the families.....I'm sure it'll go something like: "their father has turned them against me blah blah blah...."
Anyways, mom seems to be doing good. She started Chemo this week and was really sick the past two days, but that was kind of expected.
Off to my blind date.......
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
She thinks her sons aren't attending her wedding for fear their father (you) might be planning something stupid? That would REALLY tick me off if I were you. I'd be like, don't flatter yourself honey.
Don't give her the satisfaction, Tad, of gutting you.
Tad, you know way to much about what is going on there. That's part of the problem. If you knew less, you'd be better off.
As for the kids - they need to do what they feel is right with regards to their mom. Encourage them to do so and recognize that she is still their mom. If they can't look past what she has done for now, then help them to later. For their sake. She is still their mom regardless of her actions, right? And nobody should be estranged from their parents except in extreme cases (axe murderer for example). And of course she blames you. Get used to that while you accept what is, vs what "should" be.
Glad your mom is doing as well as can be expected. Hope that continues.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJM, I do agree with you about trying to encourage kids to get along with their parents, but MLCers can be very emotionally abusive, and it isn't necessarily healthy for anyone to have more than polite and limited contact with that.
I am not at all sure that my sons would go to their father's wedding should he take it into his head to marry one of his women friends. 'Should' they? Honestly I think it depends. I wouldn't object, and indeed it is not my place to mind (he would probably invite me too, as a matter of fact)
I have a good friend with an emotionally abusive mother. Reluctantly she has stopped all contact as it was too damaging to her. You do not have to be an axe murderer to be capable of harming others! Parents have obligations to respect their children and the children's feelings too.
I completely agree with you, Bea. My boys have been traumatized by my H's words and actions. It's not emotionally safe for them to have a relationship with him. A MLC father is very different from other fathers in a D situation.
I get what you're saying and I agree. But I'm not sure that she is abusive to the kids. Maybe. If so, I would say stay out of it. She is abusive to Tad, but that's separate. Mostly.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I know B. Many are. I know mine was when she walked away. Not sure about now. I know there was a "competition" to see who could be parent of the year, in part to help "prove" she wasn't crazy or a "bad" person/parent. She also told everyone what a great parent she was and how awful I was.
I made sure to set the bar high. While she isn't overtly abusive, she is abusive in her own way. It's not bad enough in my situation to keep the kids away. I am thankful for that, and I suspect Tad's ex is similar. There have been a lot of similarities in our situations. A lot.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
