I have not posted any of my story here just reading a lot it helps my heart to feel better and looking for some hope my H left the first time in Nov. 2012 for a few weeks and came back then he left again In Feb 2013. The first time I tried to ask him why and he did not have a answer for me this time he told me he want to be to be in control, If he picks one type of floor and it is cheaper and I see another type of floor that cost more I want that, and I get it meaning I would also pay for it. I’ve been thinking about that, then he told me that he was not sure if he could take care of me in the manor I’ve been taking care of myself, and this open my eyes. I think he feels he cannot live up to my stands, and please chime in your thoughts please, I’m a very successful W but I’m a in your face W, My H is very successful in his own right but I don’t think he sees it . But I’m a doer if we want to do something or we need something I take care of it I did not think it was a problem in the beginning but I guest it is I’ve since pulled back and I’m not doing anything, I’ve really stop talking to him about 1.5 months ago but Sunday night he came to the house and he told me he loved me more then I could even know, and that he did not want a D, I did not ask any questions just listen to him, we talk about little thing what he was up to and what I’ve been up and that was it, Then on Monday, it was back to I’m in my world and he is in his. I not sure what I should do ok not do at this point.
Me:50 H: 40 K: 4 Mine from first M 3 away at school M: 8 yrs S: Feb 2013
Hi Pam. I'm guessing you are a computer nerd? Of course, I could be wrong, but dba in your nick, well...
I am sorry you find yourself here, you will find the members on this board very supportive. I would like to let you know that you can keep posting in this area, although if you post a thread in the Newcomers area, you may get more immediate response as it is much more active.
Next, if you haven't, please pick up the book "Divorce Remedy" as it is an important resource regarding DBing and you may want to get phone coaching from Michelle or one of her team of coaches.
Very quickly, it does appear that you have a more dominant role in your M. That is OK if your H is happy with his role. As you've noticed, it appears he is not. Curbing your need to simply DO, without consideration to your H, will be a great 180 for you to work on.
That does not mean doing nothing, it means that you should consider if your H may want input into a particular duty or project before you get yourself all over it. He may simply need more time to process things before he acts on them. Perhaps he's an Analyst in the personality quadrant.
I do feel you are in a really good place right now, that your H indicates that he does not want to D. He gave you a warning shot before, and has done so again. This is your wake up call.
Do you know if there is anything else that he might have complaints about regarding you or the M? Would any of those be valid?
Of course, I could be wrong, but dba in your nick, well...