And a phone call! Which my house guest fielded. My eldest son has already told him he wants no further contact until he makes some sort of amends. I agree, no contact.
My xh is currently trying to make my exceedingly sweet-natured dil into the scapegoat simply because she doesn't want to hang out with him. Why should she? The last time they met (some years ago) he reduced her to tears. My xh seems to find this funny.
I have a mail box called crazyman LOL . . . . . But it is so sad to come to this hostility again, just like 7 years ago. he is sooooo angry. I really did nope we had seen teh last of that
I checked in this evening after a very long absence to find this new development in your life. Oh, how I hope something like this is not in my future! Our divorce will be final very soon, and I hope it will be a clean break, except for the inevitable family events. I half expect that it will not, which is probably good -- maybe I won't be blindsided by this kind of crazy.
You are still your usual grounded self, and are handling this well. Good for you!
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Twink, I feel as if he enjoyed his MLC so much that he is doing it all over again. He is currently in denial, anger and Replay all over again, It is real deja vue, except for me this time without feeling! I am not hurting and since we are divorced and financially settled there is nothing he can threaten me with.
So this time I am withdrawing myself from the fray at the outset. Another seven years of this would be more than any person needs to take! Life is good. I am sad he can't get through his crisis, but they really have to want to change, and he doesn't see or feel the need. As far as he is concerned he is right and we are all in error.
Snodderly has said we aren't free of the MLCer until one of us is pushing up the daisies, and as with most things, I feel that she is right here.
But the thing is it no longer really hurts. Sad, yes, hurt, no and not surprised either.
I awoke this morning to several emails from my xh which I glanced at, and one phrase caught my eye. He said (n response to my suggestion that he really needed to apologise and make amends to his children 'I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about'
Is the amnesia so bad, or does he think he has done nothhng to apologise for, after abusing and neglecting them for years? In any case, I thought as I moved it to the crazyman box, 'He is about to find out' as his kids have all had enough, in spades.
Seriously it feels exactly like it did nearly eight years ago when he started his MLC. His mindset is back to where it was at the beginning. He has a total right to live as he wishes and everyone who isn't cheering him on is a mean horrible and selfish person. I should be grateful that he wants me in his life!!!!!!!!!!! Hmm I think not.
beatrice- These people are so crazy and can't even see the ridiculousness of their behavior. My XH seems to get that he was wrong and has even apologized. We went 8 months of NC and recently he he has acted like he wants to reconnect with me on several occasions. Last week he asked if he could attend an event with me. Long story short, he came to the event, sat near me and was telling people fond stories of our travel experiences and even praising me for my travel planning. I'm sure the people thought we were still together by the conversation. He ended up leaving the event early and now he has vanished again which is fine. I truly have moved on with my life but I have to admit he has had my head spinning a couple of times because I started thinking "what if". Reading your thread has reassured me that he is still crazy and I can't let me thoughts go back there. My XH just seems to be putting his toe in the water. If I were ever to consider giving him another chance, he would have to jump in with his whole body for me to ever go back and I know that isn't going to happen. I need to keep moving forward.
I agree these people are selfish and egocentric. Do they not see that their actions without true remorse and repentance opens up old wounds? Can they not understand the cruelty of their actions? I guess not and it does not appear that we will ever be free of an MLCer death does us part. We need to continue to be strong and preserve the equilibrium and happiness in our lives that we struggled for so long to find.
Your strength is an inspiration. I hope your XH fades into the woodwork again and leaves you in peace. Take care.
Bea, He really doesn't have a clue what you are referring to and whatever you do, do not respond to that email. His children's actions will be enough to help him connect the dots in due time.
He thinks that he's been there all of this time for them and that nothing he's done has been out of the ordinary and he still feels "entitled" and when he wants them in his life, he expects them to open the door, lay out the red carpet and bow to him. That's truly not what is going to happen and until your children show him w/their actions that his behavior was and continues to be unacceptable, he will not get it, then again, he may never get it.
Continue skipping on down the lane and leave him right where he is...on the Mother Ship. You don't need this type of aggravation in your life and quite frankly, he should be the one jumping through hoops to be able to in your presence, not the other way around.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for the comments - I agree with all that both of you have said. They are nuts.
As for responding to any emails - when hell freezes over and probably not then. I have said all I want to say, and there is no point adding anything. If he didn't understand a simple email there would be no mileage is any further exposition.
For reasons I do not understand he now appears to want me in his life, but without admitting it, and while continuing to have OW2. None of this is going to happen. I don't even like him any more.
Bea, It's human nature to want what you can't have and yet, doesn't want to let you go or share you w/anyone else. I've seen this a number of times and you are now a challenge to him.
Stay strong and positive. You are a very strong woman and will rise above this latest BS.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly - we really find ourselves in this journey. yes I am stronger and more resilient, and more joyful than I ever thought I could be.
They actually do us a favour in a strange way. I would not have become who I am or met many of the amazing people - in virtual and real space.
The MLcer's life seems cramped and self serving, out of touch with this wider and more real world that the LBS inhabit. Getting there is tough but once we are on the other shore all their antics, while de-stabilizing at times are merely antics.
Bea, I couldn't agree w/you more...we sure have come a long way and have crossed that wide ocean of hurt, pain and self-discovery. Life will be or is already good for many of us and we didn't know that the gift of time that they gave us would actually change us and the world we live in.
The world is definitely made up of some truly amazing people both in the real world and yes, the virtual world.
It's really a shame that the mlcers haven't got a clue and what all they have lost out on. Some will come to realize their losses on their death beds and others will die not knowing what they had and lost due to denial and selfishness.
Bea, I'm glad we were able to cross over and can find joy each and every day. It was well worth the painful price of traveling the Yellow Brick Road to know that I can look in the mirror and know that my reflection is my true self.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
