You're being hard on yourself. Don't ask what's wrong with you, you're pregnant, you're feeling a lot of stuff right now.
Let it be.
Women have a strong drive to keep the family unit together when they're pregnant, it's for the survival of the species. Don't fight with yourself about something you can't change.
You'll be OK. You'll hurt a lot but you'll be OK.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Oh, bug thank you! I'm so worried that I'm just going to blurt out for him to leave when he gets home. I have a little over 24 hours to get my head straight & not say something to him when he gets home that I'll regret.
The fact is, I'm not sure I want him to leave? Would I be ok if he did? Absolutely. I fear if he leaves it truly will be the end. He'll never come back. I feel that if he did leave though it would almost be a huge sense of relief. Like I could get everything off of my chest. When people asked where he was, I could tell them that he left me & we are having problems. H's fear is that he does not want everyone to find out what we are going through. I agree if we are going to be together & work things out, but not if he is going to actually leave. It might be good for him to face some of this stuff head on. He doesn't want to be judged. Well, sorry. It's going to happen.
His original plan was to be transferred & be able to just leave & not face his friends or family face to face. Well, that backfired. He's not getting that transfer, so he would be stuck here having to face it.
I know I'm still rambling. Sorry.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
You will go up and you will go down. Especially when you throw hormones in!
Being easy on myself has been the hardest and best thing I've learned to do. It goes hand in hand with just feeling my feelings and moving on. When we fight them, or tell ourselves we should "be better" "get over it" '"i was fine yesterday", we just prolong the crazy. Just because I'm sad one minuted, don't mean I'll be sad forever. Just because I can't "act as if" one day doesn't cancel all the work I've done. Emotions and life ebb and flow. I kept asking myself what I was afraid of? My H leaving me pregnant? That I'm a dummy for standing? That I'm crazy for thinking it's over? Now am I a moron for letting him move into the basement? I just lean into it. Yep, I was afraid of bursting into tears infront of my H and that that was the thing that would push him over the edge to leaving... Um... hello? He was already gone.
I'm going to be me, regardless. But first, I had to love me. Warts and all. It seems silly, but you are great the way you are. Messy parts and all.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I really want to yell at him. Confront him. Tell him to choose, right here & right now.
Heck yeah you do! But don't. I know you won't. And you may very well not feel that way tonight, tomorrow, or next week.
Originally Posted By: in_it
What's happened to me? I used to be so much stronger. Ready to stand for my M & not let this stuff get in my head as bad as it is today. I was a pro at acting "as if". Am I giving up? Have I hit that wall?
You are ok. Nothing is wrong with you. And you are STILL strong. You're just on the GIANT Loop of the rollercoaster today. Your surfing the MONSTER wave of emotions today.
I process in sections. A little at a time, otherwise the hurt, pain and anger can get overwhelming. So today you took your "feelings box" down from the shelf for a little look. When you've had enough, close it up and shelf it again. It will be lighter to lift for you having been brave enough to sit with it a while today.
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
So, right now I just need to keep telling myself that I do not need to start a confrontation when he gets home. Not to text him. Not to call him. That I don't really know if I want him to leave or not. These thoughts of wanting him gone have been lingering for a couple of weeks. I think these emotions are just strengthening them.
I wish someone had all the answers.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Sure, respond to your FIL. You might also add that you are 12 weeks, expecting twins, happy father's day early! If the theme of getting better is to act "as if" here's a great opportunity. You aren't contacting your husband and it might be what would ease your mind.
So, right now I just need to keep telling myself that I do not need to start a confrontation when he gets home. Not to text him. Not to call him.
Fabulous!
Originally Posted By: in_it
That I don't really know if I want him to leave or not. These thoughts of wanting him gone have been lingering for a couple of weeks. I think these emotions are just strengthening them.
That's very insightful. You don't really know right now. Just keep talking yourself through the emotions and make no decisions until the waves recede and you become more clear.
All you have to do right now... is right now. What do you want for lunch? It's lunchtime.
Small decisions today. Save the big stuff for later!!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
Lunch?? I do need to eat. Maybe I'll splurge for some Taco Bueno? Yep, I'm gonna do it. I love that place.
I responded to FIL with a simple thank you.
I'm so glad you all are here. I know I've been babbling & it's nice to know someone is listening.
I'm sure I'll be back here more than once today. I apologize now for it. Typing out my thoughts & releasing my true thoughts & feelings is helping me process & your feedback helps tremendously. This monster roller coaster [censored].
Now, about that lunch?
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
