Lost and confused part3

[lostforever]

I have no choice but to at this point to move in with my dad as i can not find a rental to take a dog. I just feel like it is all over done for me. I hae my life and dont want to do a drarn thing.

I did last year go to yoga and it helped alot i think just to pass time but now i have no motivation to do this anymore. I want to but what is the point.

I did meditation as well but the past year or so I cant even get my head to stop spinning. I have just started going back to theropy but sometimes i think she places her own opinion on me. then i do DB coach and get a 2nd way to go. so my head is spinning.

I need to just have this all stop i know if i ever have chance at getting WAW back i need to get better myself. so maybe the reason she is not talking is that God feels im not ready much less her. Just feel like she is having a good time and here i am so messed up that not i just feel like ending it all. I think moving home mean i have nothing to realy call mine. yeah i can save money but will that make me happy NO. i was so much better last year..... why now am i so BAD now. One thing is i was always on cymbulta for pain. but dr allso gave me xenex too. but some time i feel like these make mee fee even worse. so again whats the point.
I really just want my WAW back and I have not seen any hope in that area for a long time and well i dont want to give up I know God can change her but when. the longer the time away the harder it gets to return is what i think.

But yet here i am helping her pay the car and then she goes away. can you say used. but i always say treat others how you would want to be treated. i have always helped others. well why is it now working for me i know i get help here. but why cant WAW even say thanks or when she does thats all she said TY! all i get. this thanks time i said alot of very good things in my text about her and the first time in a long time she said TY! right back atcha small but more than i have got in a long time.

But who knows still does not tell me what she want but all i can think of is what her mom told me one time . she said WAW did ask me for divorce 2nd when i asked if i ever had a chance for her to come back she said NO i dont think she will come back. so all this but the main thing is moving i think. but who knows i just know moving home is not a good thing for me as far as i can see. unhealthy. I mean my dad would talk to me yesterday when i was setting up tank and i was just like i cant take this. he is happy for me o be around but i just cant do this. just feel like i cant do life. everything i do and want to do is something i want to share with my wife. but i know i can not. pain lonely just feel like this is it im done no one would care

[labug]

You don't need motivation to do things, you just do it. Don't think about it, don't try to talk yourself into it, just do it. Get away from the computer and do it, now. If I had waited for "motivation" I would still be in bed, staring at the ceiling.

I care.

[MrCAS]

I feel like you feel that going home makes you some kind of failure. I don't. I think it is God's will for you to be there for your Dad when he needs your help at his age. You will look back on the time spent with your father as a blessing.

[lostforever]

thank you labug. I am just moving ans like you say the only way to do it now. Thank you for caring. crapy thing is just had someone here at house that is moving in and dropping off boxes talked about my WAW for a sec. you know what more can God put on my plate . I just feel like i need to be committed someplace but dont and will not cause i need my WAW to know she is not winning. hope i said that ok. I know that no one can say at all and not hoping for this but i always think is my WAW having problems or even thinking about me or is it hurting to her as well. or am i just the one messed up in the head and the weak one.

again i just hate this crap and with it was over. I just love her and do not know why she is being the way she is.

[labug]

What are you doing for yourself today?

[lostforever]

What are you doing for yourself today?

Well today is a work day so i did go to work and there are 2 coworkers here. it helps. I also had a bad bad thing happen at work started yesterday. i have most of it fixed but can not seem to get a few things to work anymore. So im ok at this point i guess but all i do is think of or wish i was just going to go home to wife like i did at one time and hold her kiss her aask how her day was all that stuff. sometimes go out for dinner. or with swimming weather we would swim in the pool i have well had. I have to move and almost all out. but no place to go yet. no time to look. so going to dads but that is depressing too. and i do not need to add to mine. Trust me i feel better but i know that my depression is getting the better of me. and i keep praying for Gods help for me and for my Wife. I just hurt and many other feelings. my boss came in and he see it on my face. everyones does.

i had to go to fish store yesterday and the guy that is always there told me i have lost alot of weight. well if you dont eat you will. and i dont eat like i did when with wife. yes i did all the cooking but i have no one to cook for anymore. and i moving and when i do find a place it will not be close to my mother in laws house and i miss her stopping by or beeping to say hi as she goes to work everyday.

[lostforever]

I just feel that all this divorce busting stuff does not work and it is just here to make money. i know im the downer but i have never been afraid to say how i feel

[MrBond]

Well personally I've seen it work many times.

However, the biggest thing you need to understand is that it is not a guarantee as well as other things in life. I think it gives you the best shot of you saving your relationship because it gives you the life skills to deal with any type of relationship crisis.

The ones that succeed are usually the ones with no expectations and no timeline. You expect to see results, your spouse to change, etc. It doesn't work that way. Life doesn't go according to YOUR timeline.

It took my W 3 years before she even talked to me. It's up to you on how you want to stick with it or not.

I can tell you for a fact though that it's not just a get rich quick scheme. Everyone on here has learned from the process and we continue to learn and grow.

[MrBond]

To be perfectly honest, in your case it's not the program failing you. It's you failing yourself. You haven't been able to get yourself out of the depression that you're in. That comes from within. You complain about the relationship, then about your job and then about your living conditions.

You have to find one positive thing and go from there. I've worked with children with terminal diseases who know that they are going to die. But they don't dwell on that fact. They make use of the time that they DO have. YOU have your health and YOU are living. What you do with it is up to you. You can spend the time complaining about how crappy your life is, or you can get up and refuse to beat yourself up.

That's what the issue is. YOU are beating YOURSELF up. And by the same token, YOU can get yourself out of it. But it is a choice. And it has to be YOUR choice.

[Grateful]

I just feel that all this divorce busting stuff does not work and it is just here to make money. i know im the downer but i have never been afraid to say how i feel

They may be here to make to money. However, they are not a ministry. They offer a service and they charge for it. That is the very definition of a business.

However, they offer you tremendous information and support from these forums.

Who knows if my sitch would have turned out differently had I listened to the great advice offered here. I thought I knew better. Listen to these folks. It is about the only shot you have.