Swede, You are right. I'm only 35 and won't die without her. I've started with the basics: Eating, Sleeping, Working Out, and actually going to work. I haven't seen her or talked to her in a week and have started to emotionally detach. I have to go back to the house tomorrow to see the kids and will be forced to interact. I'm starting to realize the woman I'm in love with doesn't exist anymore. She's a memory that I'm hoping and praying will come back to me. Swede...you are a strong man to have gone this far. I admire your love, courage, and strength. I hope I can do a quarter as good as you with this DBing. My hope is fading fast now that she hired the attorney. My life has turned into a soap opera. It was so staid and boring before . I wish you the best. Thanks again for posting on my thread. You give me hope!
What's the saying, believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. Your still fairly early in the game, not that makes u feel any better. Stay positive, stay strong.
I didnt mean to downplay anything, or brush off your feelings. Youre entitled to them, and own them. I am just trying to get you to step back and look at the sitch from a different angle. I appreciate the praise, but trust me...I was right where you are in April. Many on this board fed me comfort and advice, I am merely passing along what I have learned, and what I have found to maybe not "work", but definitely what doesnt work.
I want you to feel confident, and strong...because those are the things that are going to attract your W back to you more than anything else besides your 180s.
Me-45,W-36 M-12 yrs, T-15 years SS- 16 Nov 2003 Initial B date, 2-3 others since EA/PA OM 2003-2004 Reconciled 2004 May 2013 Final BD, W completely detaches W files D June 2013 I am moving out 26 July 2013
I'm starting to realize the woman I'm in love with doesn't exist anymore. She's a memory that I'm hoping and praying will come back to me.
Blue, this is probably similar to the way your wife felt before reaching BD.
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Flipping the switch blue really isn't the issue the issue is truly growing from this. I know it [censored], it's the worst possible pains ever. You have to stay strong, I know it looks bleak and hopeless but trust God and he will direct your path.
CL is right. You do not have to give up hope but you must grow from this. Become the man your wife fell in love with, make permanent changes, work on yourself. People have reached this point, and gone further, and still R.
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She is not just going to wake up and change her mind so stop waiting for that this is not a test this is the real thing. Boldly, go through it you can do it I know you can!!!
Take all of the great advice you are offered from the others. Work on you, get a PMA, GAL, look inside and figure out what part you played in the downfall of your R and then learn from it. You can do this. Become a better you because that is what this is all about, regardless.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
My wife filed for divorce on Monday. My attorney e-mailed me today to let me know. Still waiting for the paperwork and not sure how else to save this marriage. Really depressed about this. She agreed to let me have the kids verbally half the week. I'm really nervous about caring for the kids by myself.....
GotoGirl, I've always considered her the primary caretaker for the D's. I'm most worried about picking them up from school on time and cooking. I'm worried about them having to leave home for the first time and be away from momma. I always wanted more for my kids. I wanted them to have a good home and every opportunity in the world to succeed. Feels like I've let them down.
I understand your feeling like you have let them down. I have felt that way too.
You will do just fine in doing what needs to be done for your children.Try looking at this as a 180, you weren't the primary caregiver but you will be now.Establish a routine that works for you and your children.It may be different from what you are all use to but now it's about making it work for you.
You can do this! You may feel awkward and unsure at first but you know how to care for your children. And never forget it's okay to tell them when you have made a mistake and to apologize.
Also, keep working on you to become the best man and father that you can be. You never know what the future holds with W but you need to do this for you and for your children.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
Lovethehub, Thank you for the encouragement! The kids have been great and love the big pool at the apartment. I spent some time making their room special....thank you Target. I basically have no communication with my stbxw. I still love her with all my heart and I'm really feeling lost without her. My purpose as husband, father, and provider has been taken from me. I'm still trying to figure out what makes me happy and how to move forward from here. Is there any way I should communicate with my W to show her that I still want to reconcile or should I just stay dark and pray she changes her mind before the D is final? Any advice from someone who's walked my road before would be appreciated.
. I wish you the best. Thanks again for posting on my thread. You give me hope!