Life is good. Not great but ok! Its been about 18 months since BD. Divorced last summer and now its time to create new memories during the months to come. Looking forward to two trips with D and stepson.
I have almost no contact with ex and I guess thats what has to happen when we are free and time has passed.
For me life begins every other monday and finishes sunday that same week. The week after that I still feel I just exist. Waiting until I have my children next to me again. Not that good at GALing but it is what it is.
The thread starts with a cuote from my ex: " life is too short not to enjoy it to the fullest" The first thing she said at BD was "I let you take over my life". The last couple of months she has said: "life is too much right now", " I wish I could pause my life".
So... She is still confused and not really happy even though she claimes she is.
She is in a new relationship but she is still active on several dating sites. Go figure!
The great thing about this is that im so in tuned with who I am and want to be. Guess her crisis brought out the best in me. So sad she is lost though. But it really is her problem. Hopefully she will find her way when she starts looking inside herself.
You may not want to live a dual life, yet you can't just stop living when you are not with the kids. Do work on GAL, even if it isn't going out. Keep moving forward during the times you are not with the kids.
I think it's easy for the LBS to think that the WAS / MLCer remains confused, if they are not coming back to the LBS. In their minds, they are NOT confused. They are making a life for themselves and feel it is for the best.
Even so, there is probably still some confusion in your W's life. She can't seem to find her new "Mr. Right". As though dating lots of people is going to help her find that "right" one. When what is really happening is, she has missed that there are probably things in her that she needs to work on in order for the right one to show up and on the other hand, that there is no "right" one. Simply the one we choose to be with and work on building a R that works for us.
My stbx's OMs didn't work out for her, either. Now she's been actively dating for a few months. "Friends" stepping up and making recommendations for dates of their own single friend pool.
I wish her the best, of course. More, I wish her a good choice, that my kids won't be in the influence or shadow of some goon. I will be interested in seeing how long it will take her to realize that being with someone is not going to make her happy. She has yet to be alone. She's still seeking happiness outside herself. An observation of course. I do think that her pool of fish is small and shallow.
Anyhow, you are right. It's not your problem that your W has blinders on. Keep growing and keep moving forward. Your life will continue to get better, regardless of how that future might look.
I guess this GALing has to do with a loss of identity of sorts. Im a great dad ( according to me) and its easy to continue being that bc I feel safe in who I am. Problem is being the other guy every other week. Whos that guy? Dont get me wrong... I have a few friends and im not always sitting home alone rolling my thumbs. But many of my friends seem to define moving forward is getting into a new relationship. For me thats kind of a lame way of defining who you are. I am content with life right now and moving forward is just another way of letting time pass and learning to be a better person before entering into another relationship.
Have I given up hope she will ever understand. No! But its more a hope for her sake then for me. I dont think she will ever be truly happy until she does the work on herself. If that means owning up to what she has done then fine. But as time passes I guess it has to have nothing to do with my healing and living my life to the fullest. She has problems of her own to face and so have I.
We have very limited contact and thats fine with me. She is confused though. She looks ten years older, her hair is a mess and she is still very angry. Havens seen angry for a while but stepson (who is going through his own hell right now) tells me she lashes out when shes on the phone talking about me. Dont know why shes so angry when so much time has passed. And I dont know why she needs to be angry at me. But I guess shes still not content with her life and I hope time will change that reguardless.
You do sound good Peter and good for your sense of humour as well. It will serve you well.
I think it's perfectly fine to sit back and let the wind blow through one's hair. Well, it was fine when I had hair on my head, now I have to bare my arms to get that same sensation...
Still, take that time to look into yourself and define who you are from the inside and then go out in the world and do the things that person would do.
A friend ran into a tipsy exw yesterday in a bar. She said to him that nobody likes her anymore and then she started to cry and ran away. Gosh! Shes really out there.
Im curious about the whole concept of the other person. I have read about the affair down and I guess I can understand it in theory but as im ldivorced now she can have any man she wants to (in theory) but still chooses men that is so much different then me.
One thing that has struck me is thas she seems to pick men the opposite of me. At first when I ponderd about what kind of man she would pick it would be rough, tough guys. But her latest two men are kind of nerdy. I dont know them but you know about the grapevine. A friend of hers acctually told me she cant see what ex wife is seeing in them. That she has these guys around her finger.
Well... Those are my thoughts for the day! Or week...
Hey Peter, good to hear from you again. Hope all is well.
Try not to get too wound up about it. I know it can be fascinating, but trying to guess is really tough.
That said, it is true that they do tend to affair down. They are hurt and equate that hurt with you. It seems natural that they would look for "different" than what they had. For a while anyway.
Don't look back my friend. The person you knew is not the person they are now. And likely won't be for a very long time if ever.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Well I guess its just facinating. No more no less at this stage.
Im just fine. Stepson not so good. Ex texted me yesterday and said that he and D would really like tonspend the weekend with me (her weekend). No reason... Just that they missed me. She has plans and the kids are in the way. What she doesnt know is that stepson goes to IC bc of exactly this reason. That he doesnt feel loved by her. Our children are really in the way of the new her and their pain shows. Well ofcource I said im happy to spend an extra weekend with them. Now ai get to have them for ten days straight.
Anyways! Still working on my GALing on my weeks off. Had planned to squeeze in a vacation with a friend abroad until I realized that two vacations abroad with my kids destroyed that. But its all good. Im spending time with the two most important people in my life. Couldnt ask for more.
Good to hear. And very nice to hear you're there for the kids. It's sad how these things go, especially for the kids. At some point she may try to re-enter their lives. Watch for it and try to be supportive even if she isn't the kind of mother you think she should be. For people like this, it's almost like they had an emotional stroke and can't remember how to be a mother/father. They forget the nasty things they did and said at some point (the mind has a way to heal) and they learn to adapt. They'll say all kinds of things, but that's really what it boils down to.
Until she's ready to change, she won't. But if she gets there, it's in your SS and D's best interest to help them have that relationship. They'll need you.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
