Its like we've reached a new normal here. W texted with me during her weekend away to let me know what she had been doing. Returned home early on Sunday. Lots of discussion about future plans as if we're a family (trips, boys activities, etc). Continues to hang out more, connect with boys, even going around looking at flower beds and discussing plans. She even brought up that she and I should go to the movies sometime.
I've been doing my own things with the boys. Riding dirt bikes, movies, ball practice. W texted me one day this week to ask if I was still looking for a, new to me, truck. I already had plans to buy one this weekend but thought I'd feel her out. Basically, she said she was tired of the one I was driving. "We" needed a new one. She texted with my brother again about fun stuff.
Just really hard to deal with the emotions involved, and stay calm. No expectations. Our new normal is that we treat each other the same except for the physical.
Going to be patient.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I like that you continue the solid GAL activities, which include the boys. I also like that even though W is expressing more interest in you, and also has some "we" mindset, that you recognize the need to continue as you have been and with no expectations.
It sounds like you've done a great job of keeping the pressure off and she is starting to feel more relaxed around you (and your brother).
Keep up the good work!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
^^^Good. Continue to not apply any pressure. Allow her to lead. Remember this is a rollercoaster ride, so don't get too excited or you'll crash the next time she sneezes funny.
Tell us about the new truck you're considering.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thanks miz, rH, and FY. I am doing better. My emotions come in to play with the boys. I know I'll be fine, but they're the ones that will pay long term if things don't work. I want it so much, for them.
FY, the truck is going to be a tacoma. Four door, 4x4, all the bells and whistles. I've known my current suv needed replacing. Plus, nothing says I'm moving on with living like new wheels! Am I right! I thought about getting one last weekend while she was out of town, but just didnt work out. Boys won't know til I pick them up at school in it tomorrow. I've got big plans for taking dirt bikes and going riding.
I'm doing a couple of things for me. Coaching baseball for S9, yard work, etc. We've had several deaths in the community so I've been cooking and taking food to friends that have lost loved ones. W says its one if my gifts. Going to the tanning bed (no cancer speeches please-I know). I like having a nice tan. W hasn't noticed yet.
Living as if....or trying to.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Mtnman, you are doing so great. Clearly it is tough to keep DB and as she makes strides, not let your guard back down. It is a pattern of mine over the years (why I chose the CB name as a matter of fact), so I really admire how well you are doing.
Cool truck, btw, have fun today.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
I like that you are a mixture of manly attributes along with tender gifts like helping friends in time of need. When will W appreciate those things? Hopefully soon!
You're doing great, I think!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thanks CB and rH. Everyone loved the truck, including W. The boys didnt recognize me at first but ran screaming when they did. People at school probably think we're crazy. W asked me to pick her up at work as soon as I got them. We all went to buy Mother's Day gifts at a local nursery. Afterwards W wanted to drive it around.
Funny thing I noticed yesterday. W had a ring on her wedding finger. It was not her wedding ring, but it was a nice ring. Do women sometimes wear a ring on that finger even if not married? I hate to ask but I'm a stupid dude and if there's a Cracker Jack ring on that finger, to me it's always meant leave alone. Regardless, I didn't mention it.
PMA is doing fine. It's been weird to buy stuff for me, since for years W and the boys were always first. I always put off my needs to make sure they were taken care of. Even so, in reality I'm still doing it all for them. They just don't know it. Lets just keep that between us.
Ball games today, cookout tonight, church/mothers day stuff tomorrow.
Speaking of Mother's Day. I want to thank all of the mothers on this board for what they mean to their family's. Mothers are special. They are the person that takes care of our physical and emotional needs when we are little. They teach us to walk and talk, read, pray. They are the ones we run to when we get hurt. They are our moral compass. Especially the ones here, I admire you all and know your children do to. Under these difficult circumstances, y'all more than anyone deserve our praise. You are an amazing group of ladies and your children are blessed to have you as a mother. Happy Mother's Day!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Sounds like you are in a good place now - I just hope its not only because of the way your W is treating you?