So what now? The stickies say that you should give it weeks or months to see if it is true. I feel I need to talk about stuff now so I'm starting this thread.
We sort of mapped out a plan on Monday that we will spend some time together, date and keep it slow.
W has been emailing me for the last few days. I'm off work the week of my birthday at the end of May. She wanted us all to go on vacation for the week. We started planning it but we both then back tracked a bit and agreed that a week was too much, too soon. Too much pressure.
We have agreed that I would stay at her house for a few nights. Spend some time with the kids and spend some time together. She has booked a meal at a nice restaurant and has offered to drive (she likes to drink so that surprised me).
So far so good.
Things I'm struggling with. Other than the emails there isn't much contact. I'm OK with that but I worry I'm not showing her attention. If I contact her and send her texts I don't want to come across as clingy.
I have more questions about OM. Mainly how she has dealt with the situation. Has she deleted his number, what has she done to make sure their paths don't meet. Are the flowers he sent her declaring his love still on her table? On Monday I wasn't that bothered, they were going to die soon and that was that. The more I stew about it there more I want to ask if they are still on the table and if so why?
We are 80 miles apart right now. I will see her for 20 mins on Friday when I pick up the kids. On Sunday if wedo something it will most likely be the afternoon and most if not all evening. How long do I leave it before bringing my concerns to her attention?
Do I phone her, email, try fit it Friday, take my time on the Sunday?
Panic T1000 says do it all right now!!! Calm T1000 says, tell her your thinking about her in a text and leave it that. The opportunity to talk about things will present itself.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Makes sense. What am I supposed to think if they sit there for weeks. She's still holding onto OM or she just likes flowers?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Well T, let me throw something in here. I did not R with my exw, however I have been on these boards a very long time. Most of the vets will tell you, OM is like an addiction and it will take time to get him out of her system. I will reflect on how I wanted to handle my sitch if it ever got to your point. First of all the sex part to me was just that sex, she had it many times before me and so did I. I find it hard to believe people when they say that that's a deal breaker because of trust. I look at it this way, if she stole money from me that's a trust issue, I could forgive her for that if I felt she was truly remorseful. So that's how I look at the sex part. Only you know your W, or you thought you did. I always looked at my role in my sitch, What did I do to drive my W into the arms of another, or what did I not do. These are things that you are dealing with right now. T, if your W gave you a list of things that she wanted you to change, you would look at the list before your W cheated and maybe would have just blown them off, but now as I did I truly recognized the things that I was lacking.
I thought to myself geez , she was not asking the moon, just to be wanted and treated nice. I took a long hard look and realized through therapy that I was lacking alot. I must have been faking it all the years we were married.
T, just a short comment, she might have fallbacks when it comes to OM, my advice is to suck it up in front of her and be the T that she needs and then come on these boards and vent. They do help alot. Please know that we are here for you.. Scott
Thanks for the input Scott. I had only really thought of fallbacks in regards to her distancing. Hadn't really thought about fallbacks in regards to OM. Food for thought. I'm going to give it a little bit of time before I do anything else.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
