Yikes! I would never dream of having children in this situation, I dont have any yet nor do we really plan for any. H flat out said he doesnt want any with ME....which may mean he would with another lady but so far it seems there is NOT another lady in the picture. I have spied on him, his emails, his facebook and phone. He has many female friends but I know them all and I doubt they would be interested in a married man because thats a sueable offense here if they ever got caught.
Issue with H work, his family has their own business with AMWAY and they were/are very successful with it. So much so they expect H to follow after them and start his own business with the same company. (FYI Amway is a do it yourself product selling and networking business where the more people you sponsor to become amways members the more money you make) I dont have a problem with him doing it if thats what he likes, problem is, he cant understand why people are suspicious of this business and he gets offended when people turn him down or tell him otherwise. He has lost some friends due to this. His family pressures him with Amway but honestly I dont think he is driven enough (or has thick enough skin) to be doing that kind of work, plus he has his marriage to think about (or not) and me to support. I have made it easier on him by getting my own job (which pays more than his btw) and I dont pester him about money, infact its the other way around now. Instead of trying hard with his business he just seems to think of it as an excuse to slack off and now he wants me out of the picture so he can be free to pursue his "goals and dreams" as he put it.
I understand how he feels, he is dissappointed in himself and he is pressured by his family and our marriage. I am just really put off that off those 3 things, he things I am the easiest to dispose of and that its the right choice to make. Never mind vows or providing me money to return home.
All I can do now is live for myself while he figures himself out. I draw the line with giving him money, but I still give him cards, small gifts, momentos when the occassion is right. I still give him hugs everyday, even if his face has a sour expression. I try to compliment him when I can.
You can also get this book online its called fighting for marraige, I learnt lot from it. I got a copy ebook if you pm me your email. well having said that, how will you make this relationship better. Small changes, consistent. I know porn is big in Japan as you said, I read lot of places its like crack cocain to marriage,I heard unknowingly marriages dissolve when partners get hooks onto it. Know lot of couple fall trap to this. Do you have common friends who you can go out and have fun time. Like you too and other friends. Take a vacation to Thailand or some change of scene activity. Our mind and soul needs regular nurturing. Spend money and do some thing totally different that you will both enjoy. Well don't over shoot and spend more than you can afford but look like you could efford a surprise vacation. Still wonder why are you in such a victim kind of postion, husband flat refuses kids, how will this relation grow if you don't have kids in the equation. Hope this will ease your pain, may twist your arm a bit. Well there is lot to learn and change is so slow, I almost loose hope, but I bring my vision back and say it will get better if not I know I am a better person than when I started this journey
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
