DBing European Style, part 2

[Papa4Life]

Thanks SO much, JP.

Despite how it might sound tonight, I'm still feeling quite positive about myself and my R with my kids. In fact, I think my R with my kids will improve even more once W and I have separated.

I'm also glad you take my use of humor in the way it's intended: not to sound as if I'm laughing because of our sitches, but in spite of them.

I'll keep taking care of me, and you've gotta promise me you'll keep taking care of you.

I mean, c'mon! I ask so little!

[Papa4Life]

Wow, this thread filled up remarkably quickly.

I think it's time to start a new one again.

[Papa4Life]

But where in the world should I post my new thread? The label "Newcomer" doesn't exactly describe me anymore. Maybe just bite the bullet and go on over to the "Post-D" board?

[bustingout]

Stay here with us! There is still so much to learn. And we are all learning together.

You have given great advice..great insight.

I hope you are well.

[Fartiltre]

Stay! I think we will all be newcomers or at least newbies until a new relationship arises With S or another dosnt matter in this case. Theres a lot of steps yet to be taken and the advice here is great.
At the same time the board needs a guy like you!

[Papa4Life]

Thanks Busting and FL. Come to think of it, I wonder if going on another board will change the "Active topics" that I see listed. Man am I a noob. I guess I SHOULD stick around here.

[Papa4Life]

Back to the mediator for another round this afternoon. What has probably been the most difficult for me has been the speed with which W is pushing our D. She must've been extremely unhappy to want to get out this badly.

I am a bit jealous of people who get separated first. It's a gift of time that I'm being denied. Then again, W was never much of a gifter

We had to go over the agreement about the childrearing arrangements on Sunday. W still tried to convince me that I should participate in family birthdays and events, but I need to move away from that in order to focus on myself. She started to get heated up about it and used it as an opportunity to bludgeon me for my perceived shortcomings.

She even criticised me for a lack of communication, which is ironic. She barely responds to me when I try to talk to her but *I'm* the one who doesn't communicate. It's an age-old story on this merry-go-round of a M of ours.

Any hints on encouraging conversation?

[Fartiltre]

Hi P4L

I am still reading your thread and as always it's a pleasure to see how well you are doing in times like this. I wish I had your strength!

I do not think I can help you new knowledge about the convo-question since it is my guess you already know the most and the question almost seem rhetorical, but:
- Convos start when somebody says something that interest somebody else (Remember that!)
- Use open question that demands a longer question.
- Topic has to be interesting

If you go for a long convo then,
- Mind the surroundings (Cozy, nice etc.)
- Mind the time (Is anybody tired, going somewhere, want to do other stuff than talk etc.)
- Mind anything that can disturb the convo (Children, cooking, TV etc.)

Just thoughts but remember convos start when somebody says something that interest somebody else!
If you are like me this is the hard part at the moment! What we find interesting is not the same as W.

[willbwell]

P4L, keep the humor! It feels good to laugh! Way better than crying!

[Papa4Life]

Thanks Willbewill and Fartlitre. Your encouragement and support is so wonderful. I appreciate it more than words can say.

We had another meeting with the mediator today. It hurts so much to see how determined W is. I've been doing well with detaching, but I can't help but feel that I've let down my kids somehow in this whole sitch. It stinks.

I love you guys and I'm hopeful that you guys can turn your sitches around. Or at least find peace within yourselves. Which is what I am working on now.