One of my conundrums has been that part of what my wife missed was my expressing how much I cared about her and how I used to make her feel like the most important person in the world. I got away from that last few years and here we sit in MLC-land (new slogan - "Where the weight loss is free").
I have read all the suggestions about pulling back, not pursuing, etc. but yet, that is a big part of what got us here. So, I have been doing 1-2 cards or notes/week and today I took home flowers with a nice card. We have therapy tomorrow, so I am hopeful that I will get a reading on how she is doing, but she seems to be doing better. I am still very worried about her trip this weekend, but that is out of my hands, I can only wish her well and pray that she knows that I am the right man for her and her family is too important to do anything impromptu. But all I can do is show that and pray, she needs to make the decision.
So, for now, Lucy holds the football but I am not on my back.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
"So, I have been doing 1-2 cards or notes/week and today I took home flowers with a nice card."
Sounds like a bit much. I'd tone it down a bit. What else (personally) have you been doing to improve yourself? Have you been working out too and trying to get healthy?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
CB, Your w's mlc journey is not about anything you have done in the past. It's about what happened to her as a child. She's gone back to that time to try to figure out what stunted her emotionally. You could have laid golden eggs in the past and she still would have found things that made her unhappy.
Please don't beat yourself up. Life has a way to taking over and no one can be superman/woman all of the time. You had a good marriage and that's what counts.
Again, mlc is not about what you did or didn't do. She would have had a mlc whether she was single or married to someone else.
Yes, Lucy does have the ball and now you have to wait patiently for her to play "tag".
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"Your w's mlc journey is not about anything you have done in the past."
Some of it is. Right now she's "re-evaluating" her life and she may start "forgetting" the good things that she has and is concentrating on the bad. Change the things that you can/should, but when she starts talking in absolutes..."you NEVER (etc.)", take those with a grain of salt.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
CB, M Go Blue was a poster on this forum long before I came here and he not only went through his own MLC, but after he came out of his crisis, his first wife began her own MLC. You may want to read his thread which is posted at the top of the fourm. I highly recommend reading all of his postings. He was very knowledgeable and was more than willing to share his experiences w/us.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will read it later. In the meantime, I think I am busted. I came home to an ice-cold wife, and saw on email a confirmation from FB that her password had changed. Not sure what happened, but these two items are not unrelated my gut tells me. Also, the flowers barely were acknowledged. Something is up and either I am going to hear about it tonight or at therapist tomorrow. You all were right.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
just reading your thread. as a woman- with an h that is very non-verbal about such things. and now, of course, he's out there being all mlc. it's hard to go thru life always filling in the blanks on your own. when your h doesn't SAY stuff- you just have to try to read the signs and assume alot. i'd say i've gotten quite alot wrong- because of this when it comes to his mlc. of course, he was just plain ole lying about nothing being wrong- it's him, etc.
BUT- I'M JUST here to say- i can feel your quandry. you want to express it because that's what was wrong- lack of communication when it came to your feelings. i get itmen keep that junk in and it's not "their nature". yeah- rite.
i'd just say- say what you feel - when ever you feel it. doesn't have to be squshy or sappy- but honest. can't feel if you go with your gut. (unless your gut says - don't talk) then don't go with him.
it's hard isn't it- all this damn second guessing and "having strategy". something i'm not good at and not used to - and probably never will be.
oh well huh- girls don't want to give up on their boys- it's just that after a bunch of years - we start to realize we only know what you tell us. and, if you're not telling us- well, we stop knowing it and we get too "done" guessing.
sorry you're here- good luck - you sound nice so maybe it's not too late for you both to patch something up.
me- i'd take any honest communication or expression any time. if it's real- she'll know & feel it.
Anyone have any suggestions on the snooping part? I assume it is either going to come up tonight or tomorrow and if it does, I think my strategy is no strategy, just be honest. And do better going forward.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
