The long and winding road

[Takevowsserious]

So I was listening to my Beatles "1" cd the other day. I swear I thought so many titles related to my current situation...

"Love Me Do"

"Yesterday"

"Let It Be"

"Ticket to Ride"

"Day Tripper"

And of course my new thread title

"The long and winding road that leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Leads me to your door


The wild and windy night that the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears crying for the day
Why leave me standing here, let me know the way
Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know the many ways I've tried
And still they lead me back to the long and winding road
You left me standing here a long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to your door"

Yep. I am sure on a LONG and winding MLC road!

rH, you would appreciate that I wasn't entirely introspective while listening to the cd. I had a moment where I was cruising along, windows down, long hair blowing in the breeze as I belted out "Paperback Writer". If only I had a Mustang

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Very busy day yesterday, was on the go until the evening.

H was actually normal (for him in his current state) all day yesterday. I can't remember the last time that happened.

He even suggested we all go pick my parents up from the airport, and wasn't grouchy about it.

This is strange, but lately I feel like he is trying to get my attention and get me to ask him questions. Which I'm not lol!

For Christmas, I got him an armband for his phone. Unfortunately, it didn't fit and I returned it.

So the other day, he's cutting the grass, and lo and behold, he has a new armband. He didn't say where he got it, and I didn't ask. But he kept wearing it even when he was done cutting grass, wore it all through dinner, and even asked me to look at the temperature on his phone (he's asking me to look at his precious phone - what???) Still, I didn't say anything lol!!!!

Then the other day, he puts a sweatshirt I've never seen before into the laundry. I uttered not a word.

THEN, he puts a credit card receipt from a purchase he must have made back in November from the same store in which he spent $250 in October on top of our paper shredder. Huh??? Why not just shred it?

So weird!!!

So that's where I'm at so far this weekend. Looking forward to a more relaxing day today, just at home spending time with my boys.

Happy Sunday everyone

[reachingHigher]

I had a moment where I was cruising along, windows down, long hair blowing in the breeze as I belted out "Paperback Writer".

Nice ^^^^^ !!!!!!!!

Tvs, it sounds like H is trying to get your attention like a naughty little boy. (ever had one of those? ....lol!!!) Like... Look at me! I'm misbehaving!

But..YOU...are not taking the bait. You're just being beautiful you. It will be interesting to see him start to squirm as you don't play his game. Maybe he wants you to notice so he can try to make you as miserable as he is himself! (little boys try that too sometimes, I'm convinced!)

It must have been a relief to have him, more or less, "normal" for the day!

The thread title is just perfect!

rH

[uRworthy]

T, such a good album. And that's the way it should be listening to, windows down, and belting it out.

As for your h, I think part of it is as RH says - he's a child doing something wrong and wants your attention. T, look at me - over here. What the heck is going on with her? But I also think somewhere in the back of his jello brain, he is realizing that you are moving forward.

And that's not the way it's supposed to be. In his mind, in case all this doesnt work out, you would be exactly where he left you.

What he doesnt realize is how much you've grown and who you have become.

So, he will have to catch up. Suckks for him.

You know how I feel about you, my friend. You just keep going.

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks rH and UW - you guys are the best

Nothing much to report - it was a nice Sunday. The weather was cool, but sunny, so we were able to take the boys outside to play.

He had them in the garage this morning putting a hot wheels racetrack together, and twice when I walked in to give him missing track pieces I found, he hurried up and hid his phone.

Give me a break already! I actually had to hide my smile about it.

Going to bed tired, but at peace for today.

It takes a lot of energy to keep going

[reachingHigher]

It's a hard place for you. You're strong enough to keep going, but it's so hard to run a well-balanced family without your soulmate.

You'll be ready for the new week tomorrow. Let him hide his phone. You've got nothing to hide except maybe not to dazzle him too much with your awesomeness!!!

I'm so glad you're at peace. That's so important!

Hugs,
rH

[ForeverYoung]

Hi TVS, Great song/thread title!

It sure is a long and winding road, and we don't know where it will lead us. That makes it more exciting, right? Yay for safety belts and airbags!

This is strange, but lately I feel like he is trying to get my attention and get me to ask him questions. Which I'm not lol!

Doncha just wish you could spank him sometimes?!!

[Takevowsserious]

It is tough, rH. Sometimes I feel like H is smack dab in the middle of everything, with no light visible either way. And I would imagine its hard to find your way in the darkness

Good thing I have my dazzling awesomeness to shed some light!!! Lol!!!

Seems like he is all over the place these days. Came up to bed around 1:30 last night - even left his cell phone downstairs (didn't think he ever parted with it!) Then wore his towel after getting out of the shower. Go figure.

Made another joke when saying goodbye today. I told each of the boys "Have a good day and be good" when saying goodbye. He told me the same thing with a big smile on his face.

I hope with each passing day he sees OW for who she really is. To everyone else, she should just have a huge blinking neon sign above her head that says "desperate" in capital letters - it's that obvious!!!

Of course, nothing is obvious when you're in the fog...

[job]

T,
Continue to dig deeper for patience. Your h really is baking up nicely. I know it appears to be forever, but he's dealilng w/his issues in his own time. Yes, he is smack dab in the middle of things and that's why you need to keep the light on in the window for him to find his way home. How do to that? Well, by continuing to do what you've been doing, i.e., being consistent in what you do. You've shown him compassion, unconditional love and yes, patience.

Your little man/child is growing up and he's at the stage where I can see he's starting to walk a bit stronger. In time, he will see the ow for who she is, but he's not there yet.

As for you, continue living your life by doing the things that you love, i.e., yoga, spending time w/family and friends. The more you do this, the more he will see that you are definitely not staying on the shelf where he left you pre-crisis.

Please take care of yourself and those two darling little ones.

[Takevowsserious]

Thanks Snodderly! You always seem to know when to remind me to dig deeper at just the right times

The OW thing is just so damn frustrating at times. I feel like they've been sneaking around for at least 15 months now, isn't it time for her spell to be broken?

And as for me continuing on with my life and doing things... Well, it was once again a topic of discussion tonight.

H had golf tonight. So last night I texted my friend to see if she wanted to come over with the kids. It was supposed to be decent weather, and they could all play outside. Things were hectic this morning, and I forgot to tell H.

No big deal, right? Wrong!

H comes home from golf in a bad mood. Doesn't come upstairs right away, instead puts weed and feed on the lawn. I looked outside just in time to see him texting after pushing the spreader about every ten feet. Nice!

He does say goodnight to boys, but barely looks at me. Hey, I'm used to that by now! So once I get the boys down, I begin packing lunches. He asks me from the other room how my evening was. I told him I had my friend and her kids over, and he got mad.

It's the same thing I have been hearing... Why didn't I tell him beforehand, why are my plans such a secret, if I wanted communication to improve, why have I gotten worse about telling him things?

Now, we all know he is the king of secrets, lies, half truths, and lies of omissions. So for him to tell me that he always lets me know what he is doing is a bunch of bullshi!t.

I explained to him that sometimes things just happen last minute. (He brought up when I do things with my parents too) I told him my parents often email me at work to see if we have plans that day. I said I could forward him the emails in the future. He said no, he really doesn't care that much.

Really? Then why is he making such a big deal all the time?!?!

I gave him examples of upcoming things I have planned that I let him know about. He said I still don't tell him everything. Whatever.

I could have very easily given him examples of how he doesn't tell me things last minute or after the fact, but felt that would only be used against me. Plus, I don't want him to think I'm even paying attention to what he does that much

I said I would do my best to let him know my plans ahead of time, but that sometimes things do come up last minute. He was still p!ssed.

Whatever.

And yes, my fingers were in effect from the other room.

I'm guessing this isn't really about me having my friend over - he was already in a bad mood and this was just the icing on the cake for him.

Oh well. My GAL is full steam ahead. Not my fault his life is a sinking ship.

Goodnight everyone

[reachingHigher]

Tvs,

I'm so sorry. I think he is giving you a hard time to find the smallest thing he can that is wrong with you -- to justify his own behavior. And he can't find any!

Today, I looked through my threads during the last three months of 2012. I can't believe what a rollercoaster it was! You were there time and time again. Idk how you all got me through all that mess.

I copied a couple of the funnier things you said, maybe it'll give you a laugh:

You:

"My dear RH,

Just for you, I am going to give a TVS paraphrase of what Snodderly said.

S19 is a mature, thoughtful, compassionate, smart, intuitive, and loving individual. Just like his mother.

H continues to be a self-centered, selfish, immature, clueless butt wipe.

Did I leave anything out?

I hope the birthday party goes well for you and your sons.

Thinking of you"

And:

"Honestly, your H is living in MLC La La Land where the Umpa Lumpas, flying monkeys, and ex-husbands and wives all sit around and hold hands and sing Kumbuya. Give me a freakin break!"

And I said this:

"I actually hope my H never decides to reconcile b/c I don't know if I can forgive the hurt I've experienced. I just want to move on and look back at the good times and be appreciative for what I've learned. And enjoy the successes in life -- our children, our financial success, our journey."

I hope it gives you a smile.
It's a strange journey we are on.
When snodderly says he's baking up nicely, it's good
Thinking of you,
rH