I'll make it short. Here's a story you haven't heard before: My husband had two affairs and was getting ready for third. The affairs were in the past and I found out by condom evidence and he confessed. Anyway I learned about them all not all at once byut over the course of several months...nothing like dragging out the pain for me...Anyhow, found Michele's great book and have been working with it. My husband is actually really great and doing all he can to reassure and be there for me, answer questions and talk on Saturdays's about our relationship. He is not the problem at this point...I am my own worse enemy! I think about the affairs and it is hard just before I go to sleep and just when I wake up....have a lot of triggers too. Having a hard time getting myself going and working to return to joy. I think it helps me to have some goals to get myself going...which is apparently good for our relationship as well...I just still feel so "out of this world" with it all...not like myself, and still cry (not around him) once a day with the triggers....sometimes I force the cry and think of the sad events just to get the stress out with crying! What do you think about that? Maybe not good but how to reduce the stress of all these thoughts? I don't want to remain in this state to much longer...how can I get myself going? Working on goals to change our relationship for the better helps, but I think I need something more personal for me....help!
it is tough - each day the sting comes in different shapes, forms or triggers....i have been there. not too much advice i can offer except be strong no matter the outcome.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
MBF, which book do you have - Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy? "Remedy" has more practical advice.
two points: 1) Michele talks about how, at the beginning, you have to let yourself feel the pain; the only way out is to go through it. it is like a grieving process. 2) afterwards, you can use "thought stopping", where you train yourself to stop thinking the negative painful thoughts.
good luck and keep us posted about your progress! we are here for you.
