Found this forum and read DR recently and both are absolute lifelines for me.
Here's my sitch in a nutshell
Married 13 Y to my one and only love. Kids S11 D9 beautiful amazing children. Poured my life into my family (or so I feel).
W from highly dysfunctional family with abuse, alcoholism, her running at early age and being independent in mid-teens. I am from stable, intact family with our own share of dysfunction - my mom has a never accepted W which is source of significant problems for us.
Struggled for many years moving houses (8+ in all) and lost track of cars. She always joked that she changed lots of things but kept same husband and kids... Well I got moved to the other category.
While we have always had emotional intimacy issues, have been drifting apart more since beginning of year.
Two big fights on 3/15-16 I said things that I shouldn't have (nothing vindictive or mean) that came from pride and resentment. Seemed to die down and then W started treating me like ice week before Easter. Confronted her finally and said she needed a "break from relationship". She said I was very mean to her during fights, she is miserable, I don't let her be who she wants to be, I don't like her personality, I place our son above her, we have intimacy problems and she feels unloved and rejected, and then asked me whether I married her just to get back at my parents???
Had week in hell on biz trip (more emotional agony than I thought possible to experience) then came back to good week with lots of candid talks and some laughs but her pretty much given up. W even said her initial plan was to just walk out and "act out" while I was on trip but friends talked her off the ledge. She told me we needed real break and one of us needed to move out hence S on 4/13.
First trip MC joint and MC cut right to chase about WAS syndrome (without calling it that) that she was in huge crisis mode and just wanted to run and she needed to decompress before doing anything or making decisions. W said on a scale of 1 to 10 10 being "run" she was a 7 and couldn't go back to what we had. Seemed good and W seemed to regret some of her decisions and words but then last week has been totally withdrawn, nice but no emotional connection whatsoever.
I've been DB'ing pretty good I think, going dark during day and dim at night (spend every morning and evening with kids). I have some serious control, insecurity, worthiness, co-dependent issues to work through and we are both supplementing MC with IC.
Hope we are on right track but am afraid of MLC signs: W is in best shape of her life (but I can't even touch her); has turned on me; was going to get a new job and run from people at current job (church) who are telling her we need to work things through, and told me "if there is a God" recently, despite huge strides she has made in her faith in recent years. Also lots of talk about how she "deserved to be happy" and just wanted to "enjoy life."
Thanks for listening. Intend to use this board to keep me accountable and sane. Pretty level this hour but what an emotional roller coaster. I feel like a basket case sometimes. More soon. W had first IC today so am preparing for her to have rough time emotionally.
Your situation sounds just like mine..... I've been out of the house for 2 and a half weeks with almost no communication from my wife. She won't even look at me when I pick up the kids. It's broken my heart..
