"I have been hesitent to try some of these in the past because I didn't want to be seen as pursuing my wife. "
Your W is home. Try a little pursuit. Go back to when you were first going out. What were things she liked to do? Try just having fun with no expectations.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The wedding was this past Saturday at 2:00. To make it on time, we would need to leave by 1:00. At 12:30 my wife asked me if I wanted to attend. I responded by saying that although I appreciated the invite (although very late) I didn't feel comfortable going due to the awkwardness of our current situation. I didn't want to be invited just because she felt guilty or obligated.
She had no response other than to say that they are our friend etc.
I responded by saying that I would prefer to stay home. I then went on to tell her that I felt that it was time that she found another place to live and to let me know what she wanted in terms of custody and a settlement.
She had a stunned look on her face and simply said ok. I left the room and did not see her until the next day. She has been friendly the last 2 days since and has invited me to go out of town with her and our daughter on a dance trip. I was previoulsy not assked to come along. Not sure what this all means, but I am very comfortable with my decision and feel a huge relief in terms of stress by taking a stronger position on the status of our marriage rather than when waiting for the axe to fall based on what is convenient for my wife.
What happend either way going forward is fine with me. I feel very confident that this was the right thing to do after 3.5 years of Limbo.
It would be a great time to talk to a DB coach. They are experts in helping you look at the situation differently and come up with a plan of action that could turn things around. Now is the time to try something that could get through to her heart. I would look forward to talking to you further. Take good care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
Thx for the suggestion, but I believe that my wife is beyond opening up her heart to me. She is currently reading "The Great Escape, A Girl's Guide to leaving your Marriage" and was previously reading "Ending your Reationship".
She wants out but I think that with every thing else her in life she has a difficult time with decision making. She is reading these books hoping that they will give her the ability to move on.
I have given her the green light to go, she needs time to process this and confirm whether in fact this is what she wants.
Thought I would provide a brief update. It is about 5 weeks since I spoke to my wife about the matter of her finding somewhere else to live and moving forward with a seperation.
Since that time, she has not raised the matter for further discussion or responded back to me regarding my request to:
1) Find another place to live 2) Propose what she would like re property settlement 3) Propose what she would like re custody
Its almost if the discussion never happened. I have not noticed any real shifts in her behavior one way or the other. She did invite me to attend my daughters out of town dance competition which I previously was not invited to.
I don't think she really has grasped the reality of where we are at. She keeps talking about wanting to get a new vehicle. She also wants to keep my daughter full time in the Dance Program which is something we could not afford to do if we were to seperate.
I will give her two more weeks before I ask her where she is at with her plans.
Just reading through your situation.I give you lots of credit for hanging in there for 3.5 years (I thought my 13 months was long!).
I like that you have not brought up your request again, that you are giving her time to think about it but that you are also putting a time limit on it (the 2 weeks).
Just read your sitch. 3.5 yrs eh? I can relate to what you feel. I myself is en route to getting off limbo. My W is stuck, honestly I think she sees a lot of good things in our M to just drop it. And now with all the changes I have made for myself and my relationship with my 3 kids I think I have put a doubt and confusion in her head.
I'm also standing firm on her EA that, that is absolutely not acceptable while we live in the same roof. I opened the cage for her to leave anytime if she wants to pursue OM, it's just I'm not gonna be there, you know telling her she can't have both.
Not sure what's gonna happen, I've been really holding off because D18 is going away for college in August just really trying to make things really calm at home. For all I know she could be thinking the same and will probly file for D but I'm ready either ways.
I'm practicing LRT and not initiating contact. Also not trying so hard to save this and this is helping me detach. I also feel the pressure is off my shoulders and not walking on eggshells trying kiss her a55. I feel more confident too and not depressed.
Anyway, just wanna share my sitch with you and the limbo land we ended up in. Keep us updated.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Thanks for sharing your story. Over the past couple of years I have tried to plan to move things forward, but there always seemed to be some reason not to. Family event, kids trip or school issue. I guess the bottomline is that there is no best time to do this.
I agree with your position on the EA. Part of my frustration is that my wife continues to work with the other man and has expressed no interest in finding another job. If she had any interest in restablishing our marriage, to me the first thing she would have sone is changed jobs.
She seems incapable of making a decision, so I feel that I have to make it for her. I am not going to sit by any longer and wait for her to figure out when this will end. Better to be in control of my own life and destiny instead of hanging by a thread.
Good luck with your situation. Hope things work out for you.
Thanks for sharing your story. Over the past couple of years I have tried to plan to move things forward, but there always seemed to be some reason not to. Family event, kids trip or school issue. I guess the bottomline is that there is no best time to do this.
I agree with your position on the EA. Part of my frustration is that my wife continues to work with the other man and has expressed no interest in finding another job. If she had any interest in restablishing our marriage, to me the first thing she would have sone is changed jobs.
She seems incapable of making a decision, so I feel that I have to make it for her. I am not going to sit by any longer and wait for her to figure out when this will end. Better to be in control of my own life and destiny instead of hanging by a thread.
Good luck with your situation. Hope things work out for you.
