Sandi, Not sure what you mean by stick to one thread?? Please explain because I would like to get the best responses possible.
Shiss, Exactly my point. the only thing I really understand is that we need to seperate the emotional seperation from the legal seperation. And honestly that is what I am starting to understand. I am not contesting to make her mad or "get back at her". I am contesting because due to my sitch and circumstances I do not believe she has grounds for divorce and I also feel thier are some financials that I am entitled to. I am pretty much under the mindset that if she wants the divorce then she needs to hold herself accountable for it. So if that means financially then so be it. I do not want the divorce at all, but I do feel I have to protect myself. I have heard two sides to this. One person on here said to negotiate and get it over with while the other person said that if oyou negotiate to make her happy then it makes you look like a coward and they will lose respect for you.
I am a little confused but I think I have decided to hold her acountable for the divorce. I do like the idea of agreeing to the divorce but not "helping" it along.
Therefore, I am still hoping for reconciliation and going dark at this point but I am also deciding to protect myself in the legal preceedings
Seperate Legal / Emotional
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
Sandi, Not sure what you mean by stick to one thread?? Please explain because I would like to get the best responses possible.
She means you're not supposed to create a new thread every time you have a question, you're supposed to keep all your questions in one thread. You're not supposed to start a new thread until your old one reaches 100 posts. Then you create a new thread and post a link to the old one. The reason for sticking to one thread is it's a lot easier for us to read through your entire sitch so that we can give a more accurate response. Plus we can see what others have already suggested to you. It's hard to answer questions like this one if we don't know the background, and it's way too much work to try and go through multiple threads for that info. So pick a thread and stick with it
Regarding your question, when it gets into the D process the general advice here is not to fight the D just for the sake of holding the process up because that's not going to save the M and prevent D. If you feel the terms of the D are unfair or that you or your children are not properly protected then by all means contest it.
Thank you. I will try and stick to one thread to get the best responses. I am definitley not just trying to hold up the D with the sake of reconciling. I am however contesting the portions that I feel are unfair as well as asking my lawyer to file a complaint for her to prove the grounds for her decision to divorce. I feel that is fair that I should know why.
Otherwise, Honestly I would rather get this over cause it is emotionally draining. It has only been 2 months but it feels like years.
I am also going to make it known that I am in counseling myself and am more than willing to seek marriage counseling if the judge sees fit.
I guess at this point i just have to see where this goes. I am implementing my 180's when she des contact me (which is hardly ever) and I am also going dark at this point. Validating her when she contacts me and showing love while doing it. Hope I am just handling this correctly!!!
It still seems she is pretty angry with me. Last time we spoke she said that she wants no communication with me and If there is to be any communication to go through the lawyer.
What happened to my wife??? This is not the person I married
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
Sandi2, not so good. Looks like it is coming to an end. Wife agreed to the divorce arrangements. I have tried everything in the DB techniques. At this point the only thing I can do Is stay dark, let go and pray. I am still GAL and working on myself so if by a miracle she does come back I am desirable to her again. I am honestly devastated and not ready to let go but I know I have too! It's the only chance I have. If you have any other ideas in regards to what I should do please help ! I want my wife back!!!!!
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
Need an opinion here please. As of right now the divorce settlement is written and ready to be signed between me an my waw. Her attorney has informed mine that she agrees with the decree. I am thinking about just flat out not signing it but also not contesting the divorce....so basically just letting the case sit until the judge forces the issue in hopes to buy more time in this DB process. Does anyone know if I can do that in NYS. And what are opinions on this? Would it be perceived by my wife in a negative way and break all the rules of doing a 180, GAL, and going dark...LRT?????
Has anyone tried this technique and if so did it work out in your favor?
Me 33 W 32 Married 10/13/12 WAW Started sleeping in spare room 1/13/13 Divorce filed 2/13/13 Seperated 3/1/13 till ????????? Divorced 5/28/13
