I haven't posted in a few days, but I have been following...just kinda wondering if I'm doing something wrong here, as I've not had much action on my post...
You're not doing anything wrong, in fact it sounds like you're doing everything right as far as GAL and positive interactions with W, so there's really not much to tell you which is why not many people are replying. Just keep doing what you're doing
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
LBH, I’m with you here. I don’t get much response on my posts too. I was also wondering what I was doing wrong.
Just keep posting. I was almost WAS once, about 4 years ago. I’m trying to remember what I was thinking at that time. It seems that I was in some kind of a fog, so I don’t actually remember a lot of it. I remember that one of my complaints was that I was not getting much affection from my H. I also compared my M to my friends’ and saw something that their husbands did and mine didn’t do for me. Now I understand that we spoke different LL. I didn’t move out, but I worked in a different city during the week. I remember I was trying to convince myself that I deserved a better life and a better H. I was in this funk for about 6 months from what I remember.
Your situation might be different. But, whatever is going on with your wife, she needs more time to figure it out. Be patient.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thanks to all...and BrightFuture, thank you very much. It's nice to hear from someone with the opposite perspective. Of course, I have to remember that every sit is different, but maybe at least it's a glimpse into what may be going on in 'the other camp...'
I was 'forced' to take a couple of days off work this week (pink eye, school said stay away from my students for a while...) so I'll be spending the next couple of days just doing some reading and introspection. I've really been looking forward to taking a deeper look at some of the things I've discovered about myself; now I really have some time. Anyways, it just seems like a good opportunity to kick my feet up and do some real thinking about where I've come, and what more I need to do...
Time to get to it...Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there!
Last night, during conversation with a friend, he just kept telling me "Cool your jets brother, things get even better, even if you're on your own..." It was somewhat reassuring to hear that, because most times I feel like W is just waiting for me to get better so she can move on without any guilt. Makes me sad...But I also realize that it may just be the eventual reality that I have to live with. I'm getting better with it...
Anyhew, more GAL this weekend. Spent some time with friends; all day Saturday at s18's last track meet of high school; kids are rehearsing today for a gig next week, so I'm playing roadie/sound tech today. I'm exhausted, but it's been fun...W will be here today to hang out with kids while they rehearse, plus some Mother's Day activities, we'll see how that goes:)
I was wondering...since I'm sort of a single parent now, do I qualify for a little pampering on Mother's Day too...LOL
Well, I think in an hour or so I'm going to get some verification of the premonition I mentioned earlier about my W waiting for me to heal so she can move on. She texted me that we needed to talk, that it's been over for her for a long time, and she wants me to let her go...
I'm surprisingly calm at this point...I guess that's good, while it lasts...Going to meet her now actually, she just texted me that she's ready...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
LBH, sorry that your posts might not be getting a lot of traffic. That happens sometimes, when it was that way for me I dug into the archives and read...a lot!
About the GAL activities you mentioned earlier, make GALing something that works for you. I happen to be an introvert (although it may not seem that way) and can do things on my own and be very happy. I also have friends that I enjoy activities with but am often fine on my own. Being in a roomful of people I don't know is not a good GAL for me, I like smaller gatherings with people I can actually talk to and maybe get to know.
Let us know how the talk goes.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Well, the conversation didn't exactly go where I'd hoped it would go, but I guess I was expecting that. In a nutshell:
She is involved with OM; She checked out of M years ago, for many reasons; She has been trying to do things to 'support' me, with the aim of helping me 'get over her';
The conversation was a bit one sided...in the end, I was the one who seemed to have the most to say. I did not grovel...while I did express that I was sad to see our R going this direction and that I didn't necessarily like it, I made it clear that I support her decision. I suppose I knew all along that there was OM, but just couldn't face it. All of the wondering was killing me, so I asked her to just tell me, truthfully, if that was the case. She began to explain to me about OM, but I just told her that I didn't need to know any more, that it was none of my business. I simply needed to know, so that I could sleep at night without wondering, without torturing myself about it. I also let her know that it was important, for all our sake, that she be honest about it, rather than sneaking around, lying to me and our kids in some twisted attempt to 'protect' us. In the end, that part of the conversation, though terrifically painful for me, went well.
After that, I told her that I thought it important for us to get over ALL forms of obfuscation...the fact that we have children together will necessitate some sort of relationship between us. I let her know that while I did have hope, that in the end if we couldn't at least be friends, things would probably be very ugly, and that I did not want that. She asked me where I was at in the process, and I told her that I'm working on me, trying to improve myself; that I'm trying to reconnect with some old friends and live my life; that I had hope for us, but that I understood the reality of right now, and that I had to learn how to live with a new reality. I do truly want for her to be happy, whatever that means...I told her so, and I'm proud of myself for having the courage to do so...Probably the most difficult, painful experience I've ever had.
She did say some things about why she left, but in the end I know that much of it is just her mechanism for protecting herself, and trying to make her way forward. She is rewriting our history, as I've been told she would...interestingly enough, she was the one to acknowledge that she's doing this, so I hope she'll have the courage look inward and start working on herself.
Anyways, when the conversation began, I told her that after our conversation ended I had three questions, three requests for her. When we were through a couple of hours later, she asked me what my questions were. First, I asked her for a hug, a real hug...I told her that if it was to be the last one I wanted to be able to remember it...she agreed, and it was a beautiful hug. Then I kissed her, very gently...it too was beautiful. Afterwards I told her that was my second request, and that I apologized for not asking, and that it was for the same reason. Finally, I asked her to remove my wedding ring...I have never taken it off myself except when some condition desperately required it, such as unforeseen work requirements and the like. She was not comfortable with this, but eventually she did remove it and hand it to me, very lovingly. I kissed her cheek, told her that I love her, and walked away.
I can't really think too well, having written all this out...and I'm crying, so I think I'll just go for now...
