W is moving out on Friday and we're going to try a 50/50 shared custody system. Does anyone have experience with that? How did your kids adjust to the whole thing?
They're 6 year old twins. W is moving out this weekend. Lately they're acting up a lot, and I'm really worried about their adjustment to this. I'm wondering about some kind of therapy for them. ANy suggestions?
If they go to school, they should have a social worker you can contact.
This is what I was told....
Consistant Rules Enforcement No Bad Talk About Spouse Keep Rituals in Place (bed times etc) They Probably Need Tons of Hugs Right Now Answer Only the Specific Asked Question - No Need to Elaborate
My kids are older than yours, but we've been doing a 50/ 50 split (week/ week) for 7 months now and it's worked quite well. We hand off on Sunday afternoons. The kids adjusted pretty quickly. In fact, originally they loved the idea of having their own bedrooms in two separate homes, it was like a new adventure. They eventually got tired of moving back and forth and wanted to be back under one roof, but then they settled into the routine and it's been going well ever since.
My brother and his X do a 2/3/2 split and it works OK for them, but he said the kids are always on the move it seems like. He says it's hard to keep track of when the handoffs are too.
I like the week/ week split because it's easier to deal with homework, projects and extracurricular activities. The disadvantage is a week is a long time to go without seeing the kids, but I see them briefly after school each day even when it's not my week.
Thanks a lot for the responses folks. You're really helping me with this. I want to do everything possible so that my kids get thru it all okay. One problem is that W is in denial about it and is convinced that this split is a great positive thing and so why would anybody need counseling or therapy or feel bad about it. So she resists my efforts to arrange counseling with the kids.
I'm also convinced that her new relationship will be problematic and that she will continue to slip into this MLC-type confusion that has engulfed her. It sux that the kids need to be embroiled in all of that. My plan is to make things as simple, familiar and relaxed for the kids as I can during my 50% of the time with them. Ultimately, I suppose that's all I can do.
Another issue I'm having is that I don't fully trust W with the kids. Generally she's a good mom, but she is very much under the influence of OM who is very volatile and a strange person. For one thing he's almost 30 years older than her. He's got a lot of money too and they're always flying from place to place. When the kids are with her on weekends and whatnot, who knows what she will be doing with them. It will be tough not to worry about them.
