HI I am sorry i just have been trying t figure out how long until you felt normal and able to start dating again I keep accepting them and then canceling last minute. didn't know if it was normal.
How did you feel after your first date?
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
What are your intentions for "dating"? Are you looking for intimacy or just company? Do you need to "date" to have company? If you are looking for intimacy, well... have you given up on your M being saved? If so, have you filed D or are you OK with being intimate with someone other than your spouse?
no i am not really looking for intimacy I do know that he has had several partners I just feel after 9 months of back and forth maybe i should start putting myself out there. maybe that will make him realize he wants to come back because right now he does what ever he wants and calls and says he misses me but still dates and sleeps with other people
I mean I don't want a divorce but he is not making a serious move toward reconciliation either
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
I do understand that you are missing that feeling of connection with someone that you otherwise would get from a spouse.
Originally Posted By: linz1822
after 9 months of back and forth maybe i should start putting myself out there. maybe that will make him realize he wants to come back because right now he does what ever he wants
I suspect that the bold part above is speculation on your part and perhaps desperation.
If you enter into a dating scenario to make your H jealous, then do you really want him back, only because he's jealous?
If you enter into a dating scenario to get the emotional connection to someone and potentially a physical one, then you would be actively entering an open M. Would that be something you would do if the two of you were happily M?
Again, I'm not here to judge. Do what you feel is right for you. I'm just putting some things out there for you to consider, because there WILL be consequences.
Think about this... you may find your "soul mate" if you start dating and become emotionally connected with someone... only to find out later that the new guy is more of a jerk than your H.
Perhaps what you really are seeking is to get together with friends. If that's the case, join a social group, try "Meetup.com" and just get out there and meet new people in new situations... rather than forcing dating, let the wind blow and see where it takes you.
Personally I don't believe in dating until you are no longer married. It wouldn't be fair to the other person or yourself. It takes time to heal. Each person is different.
I have had a couple of false starts but each one taught me about myself. I did decide that I needed to get myself and my kids to a better place before I even thought about dating again. It has been nearly 5 years since the divorce. I was married 19 years.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I didn't date for about four years. When I did start dating I filed for divorce so that I would really be available. I agree with what others have said. If you still aren't done with your M then it's not fair for you to date others. It's not fair to you either!
