Either you are a hard lady to find or I've been away too long. I think of you daily and wonder how you are. Evidently you are thankfully, not surprisingly, continuing to find comfort on your path. Also looks like happiness is there too.
Hey, all. It's been a while! I missed keeping up with you but I've been using the time to write.
Updates: I get several flashbacks a day (M life, D process, OW.) Some of them bring anger and some regret. I'm addressing this in the book.
I've been busy also w my mom's heart problems. She admitted the D really got to her and she didn't want to admit it until now. So she'll have a cardiac procedure on Monday. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. I'm actually nervous about it.
I finished the first draft of the book! I'm doing the first edit. Question for you all: I'm addressing what I call "Special Situations" such as dealing with the few days after you've been left behind. Any other special times/situations that you would want to see addressed? I have 5 already but I know I'm probably missing something.
I got a letter from the L with a checklist. Lots of stuff still left to do.
Now XH left for CA to go to the wedding we were both invited to. I wonder if he brought the OW.
The more I think about it, the more I realized my H always made me feel bad about myself with his demeaning comments. I could never do anything right in his eyes (from day one) He never would just congratulate me on something but find what was wrong about it or joke about what I had accomplished. He was a toxic presence in my life, and I loved him so much that I was blinded.
Not sure whether I want to get M again. I was pretty certain months and weeks ago, but now it seems so not appealing. I only want to focus on my book.
AND, I am going to do the most adventurous thing I've ever done: I booked a trip to Hawaii! It's exhilarating. I'll use the $$ from the sale of the house. It's expensive, but I figured now or never. I still can't believe I'm doing this.
Ruby, thank you so much for the suggestions! I had already included your first idea. The second one I incorporated into the main chapters... I welcome any other ideas!
210 pages so far.
Hawaii is kind of scary (I've never traveled that far...ever!) but it feels like the right time to do it. The trip won't be till Jan, though.
Hey Tori! Just wanted to stop by and catch up on your sitch. I've been away from the boards for a long while, but wanted to catch up... I'm reading through this thread now, and I'm glad to hear your progress on the book! Trust me, as a writer, I know what a monumental task you're undertaking now, and I tip my hat to you!
I hope to hear from you occasionally. You've done so much growing as a person and you have so much to share!
Hi, Tori! Hawaii is one place everyone should visit at least once!!! My H & I went there on our 1 year anniversary & it was the most beautiful place in the world (that I've been to)! Kauia was my favorite island-gorgeous!
Your book- Did you include pregnant & DBing? I know several people on here have gone thru/are going thru that.
How about LBS that become the WAS?
GOing to meet a good friend tomorrow---wonna come????!!!!!!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Alkaline, it's been a long time! Thank you for stopping by. I didn't know you were a writer too. I wish I could meet you and everyone else on this board who have played such an important role in my life.
GTO, thank you for the suggestions. I hope you had fun with your friend :-)
Update: Have been busy writing and taking care of my mom, who's having serious health issues. I have faith that things will turn out well with her health.
Also, there have been so many details to take care of after the D was completed. I guess it takes a while for it to really be "done." Paperwork and emails back and forth to now-XH. I still have a hard time calling him my XH. I would call him by his name but then I would be going against privacy policies. Maybe I'll call him Joe or something (no, his name isn't Joe.)
On the 24th he emailed and added a note that he would always think of me on that date (it was our 15th anniversary of "being together,") though we're not together anymore, so does it really mean anything. I didn't acknowledge the comment.
Today he emailed more housekeeping stuff and then asked about possible credit for the two weeks of health insurance that he paid after the date of dissolution. I am working on not letting these things get to me, but this really made me angry. So I replied and said I was upset about his mentioning this. I wasn't attacking, just honest. He replied, "I didn’t intend to upset you about Medical insurance, I’m only asking you to decide what’s fair based on our agreement. If I had all my belts in the right loops and could do it again, I wouldn’t have mentioned it at all."
So I said I wouldn't be giving him a credit bc that's what I thought we were doing. He then replied w an update about his family visit to CA (he's there now.) So overall, his demeanor toward me has switched from rude and distant to more polite, and slightly nice. He even said he'd be praying for my mom.
Maybe my book's advice is working :-)
I am still in the process of detachment, though. I saw that he put a picture of himself and the woman as his profile picture on Gmail and my stomach turned. My heart rate was out of control. I didn't even have time to stop the negative thoughts before they translated into emotions. It was like a reflex reaction. It took me a while to "recover" and regain calm. This will take time.
I've had my bouts of sadness and tears. The anger is still there. But every time I read my own advice, it helps. It's funny how it works.
Anyway, my b-day is on Sunday. I'll be thinking about you all, my friends.
I think that stomach pit turning takes a while to go away, it's the old fight or flight, confront or avoid our bodies are used to even if our minds say "Whoa back, chickie!"
Your growth has been amazing, Tori. I look forward to the book and to Boston. Can't wait to meet you
I still get physical reactions too Tori...just at the THOUGHT of them together...Sometimes it feels like when I first found out all over again...but doesn't last as long. I think it will always be like that. It will never 'not bother me'. I will always know that he lied to me for years and and that will always be there. I have to heal and move past it with or without him. It probably would be easier if he was remorseful. He is not. And thats not my problem...but a bigger indication of his own problems.
So, give yourself all the time you need. Be gentle to Tori xxx
CANT WAIT FOR YOUR BOOK! (that was excitement, not yelling lol)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
