I'm going to IC... Wife has gone to IC (unsure if about R)... she's asked if I'd go to see a MC (to be tested)
We attend a church together... have lunch together... speak for about 15 minutes sometimes about our R.
I ask her everytime we speak what I can do for her (acts of service)... she comes up with something real I can do (this is not reciprocated)
She has not committed to moving back in or a timeline... has commented "you go work on yourself... I'll work on me.. and if we're meant to get back together, then we'll work on it later"
There have not been legal papers filed.. to talk of a D timeline or R timeline.
Definitely does not sound like piecing. Particularly these comments:
Quote:
She has not committed to moving back in or a timeline
Quote:
if we're meant to get back together, then we'll work on it later
Jack Three Beans describes the start of "piecing" this way in a sticky at the top of the forum:
"Piecing is when both parties are (or say they are) committed to working on the realtionship and even then? Give it a few weeks or months to see if that is true."
Definitely does not sound like piecing. Particularly these comments:
Quote:
She has not committed to moving back in or a timeline
Quote:
if we're meant to get back together, then we'll work on it later
Jack Three Beans describes the start of "piecing" this way in a sticky at the top of the forum:
"Piecing is when both parties are (or say they are) committed to working on the realtionship and even then? Give it a few weeks or months to see if that is true."
When I reconciled with my wife after hear affair, I quickly decided that I couldn't demand RESULTS right away, and I CERTAINLY couldn't expect her FEELINGS to return immediately.
But I damned sure expected her EFFORT. That's what I tried to focus on, as I knew the feelings would take months to even a couple of years to return. But I doubt I could have remained in the marriage if she hadn't shown me her committed effort. Effort, honesty, transparency.
Knowing that this was kind of make/break event, I called for a phone appt with Michelle. The time was impactful as we established exact steps to try (that go against most advice here/book).
I followed the dbing phone consult to the "T". As suggested, it was awkward for a few minutes and then started working.
We sat next to each other with our daughter... Sat with our family and had a stellar time.
I did something at the reception (that would be against 99%) of the advice on this forum... Was in the spirit of Michelle's advice - worked stellar and created a breakthrough moment.
Yes it sucked to spend $$$ on a phone consultation... When my IC will not endorse any specific tactics, I needed reassurance on the exact steps to take (my plan was flawed).
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Our weekly "family" time was a bit nicer as the spirit of the steps were carried forward.
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I scheduled an appt with her IC - was an opportunity to follow through.
