I don't know where to begin from. Things are going so fast and seem so definite. I will try to make it brief and to the point. I could go on for pages as I know everyone else here could also.
So Bomb on 1/1/2013 1:00am. She asked to me move out 1/1/2013 8:00am. I told her no after catching her on the phone with her new love interest. If she wanted a "new life" and a "new beginning" she could have it in a new house. She explained that I didn't want to be more then I was in life and was happy being who I am. She needed something more, but never told me till that moment after she decided it was over.
She found a place and moved out around the 10th. Took almost everything. I drew a line at a few things, but let her take what she had before our marriage and anything we had 2 of. Of course she took all the stuff that was new.
After her demanding things, time frame of divorce, still using the phone I pay for to talk to her new BF. Saying mean awful things about me to him. I lost it and I filed for the divorce. Just got tired of being kicked around and made to follow her schedule. Had my first xwife serve her papers for the divorce. I know it wasn't the best idea at the time, but what is done is done. The first wife enjoyed it greatly.
In the court docs I ask for spousal support since she left me my daughter and my elderly father and the responsibility of making the house payments and all the bills, when we use to split them. she makes 3 times what I do and I could not afford to pay everything. That really pissed her off. Called me everything but a man. I also asked for her not to be able to sell or kick us out of the house until the divorce was final. Another item that really pissed her off after the court decided to grant spousal support to me and let me stay in the house as long as I keep the bills current.
We have no children together, but raised each others kids as our own for 10 years+ She has (3) 2 B 18,20 from H#1 and 1 D 13 from H#2. I have 1 D 14 from first marriage.
The reason I bring them up is she left the 1 H the same way. She was cheating on him, came home one day and took the kids and left. Slept around a lot until. 2H, she confided in me she was glad he passed away(had 3 liver transplants), because she married a big strong man and now he wasn't and probably would never be that man again. Slept around a lot again. So now I'm h#3 10years down the road and I'm not what she wants so she moves on again. The guy she was "in love with" in Germany stepped back out of the relationship after him and I talked. She got on some dating sites and is now in love again with a new guy.
She got an attorney 3/24/2013 to get me out of the house. So now I need to look into getting one as well. We don't talk, text, or see each other at all.
My stepdaughter didn't even invite me to her birthday party this year. Her moms BF will be there. I raised her since she was 2. Breaks my heart. I haven't spoken to her in 3 months as well. Just feels like I was replaced in my own life in a matter of minutes.
So the 180 stuff. Yes I get up early now, take care of everything in the house, cook, clean, feed the dogs, do the yard, workout everyday, joined a bowling league, try to get out once a week with friends and work 2 jobs. So does she notice, I doubt it. Does she care? Highly unlikely. She has moved on and upgraded in here eyes already. "I will never be the man she wants to be with again" " Not if I was the last Man on earth".
About a month ago I stopped asking to talk, to try to make things work or seek professional help. I just leave her alone and be the best man, person, son, brother, and father I can be. That is enough for me. I don't really care if it is enough for her anymore.
Me: 42 W: 42 M 6.5 T 10 Bomb 1/1/2013 1:00am waw 1/10/2013 I filed D 1/31/2013
Had a meeting with an attorney today. I feel if I get one things will be getting really ugly. I don't want to give up on our marriage or family, but I know in my heart and soul she will never look back.
Still trying to stay positive and happy. With or without her I know life will go on, just not the way I had planned it.
Me: 42 W: 42 M 6.5 T 10 Bomb 1/1/2013 1:00am waw 1/10/2013 I filed D 1/31/2013
PH - It sounds like you both were acting out of fear and anger, and look where that got you. So now with a clearer head, maybe you have time to figure out where you want to go next.
Keep up the 180's and maybe find some more to focus on. What were some of the things you feel drove your W away? Are there some things there you can work on? Remember though, these are for you and your next R with or without your W. Don't do them hoping she will notice and then get dejected when she doesn't. Do them for you and you alone.
So what do you really want out of this?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
Honestly I'm not 100% sure why W walked away. My take is that we just started to grow apart. Same story as most. Work to much, didn't call when I'm running late. Not planning nice things to do for birthdays and anniversaries. Being short with each other and petty.I was taking her for granted. Felt like our relationship was in a rut same thing over and over for the past 2 years. Coming home, eating, talking maybe 2 mins them off to our own little worlds till bed time. Her on her laptop on FB, mine was plying online games. Sex got boring and very sparse. We stopped doing a lot of things together during the week. On the weekends we did still go out and do things and had good times.
If I had to guess her reason: W says it was because I was happy where I was in life and didn't want anything more from life. I had no drive or ambition to become something she needed me to be. "Better job", Go Back to School, make more money, stuff like that.
I'm still working on what I want out of life. What I enjoyed and made me happy before our marriage. I'm going back to school to finish a bachelors degree so I can support myself and my family with hopefully a better job. So my next R will be different in many ways. I'm finally getting around to doing the things I needed to do for me for years that I put off. When the dust settles I will be a better man regardless of whom I am with.
What I want out of this?: This the website or this the divorce?
From the website: I was hoping just to get some feedback and answers to others marriage problems that I could relate to. Maybe find the right way to get my M back on track. To hear success stories from people in my situation.
From the divorce: Not to let me slip back into my old ways. Just get by and let life pass me. I really want to stay focused on enjoying my life and my family everyday.
Me: 42 W: 42 M 6.5 T 10 Bomb 1/1/2013 1:00am waw 1/10/2013 I filed D 1/31/2013
So, first contact with the W in about 2 weeks. She sent a text asking to borrow my surfboards for my step daughters birthday at the beach. I thought about it and decided it would be fine. I'm still not invited to attend and still haven't heard anything from my SD in about 3 months. My daughter will at least be going to see her sister.
Breaks my heart.
Me: 42 W: 42 M 6.5 T 10 Bomb 1/1/2013 1:00am waw 1/10/2013 I filed D 1/31/2013
