I agree. Saying it out loud makes it even more real. You know you are done & feel solid about that. I wouldn't want to have to deal with my H being mean either, that certainly won't help your frame of mind or emotional state.
I suggest waiting to see what IC advises. I've read in your posts that you both use the same C. They may be able to help you since C knows both you & H.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
They always say don't make any major decisions until at least a year after trauma... give yourself time to marinate in your feelings. In many ways, maybe it'll be easier when baby is born to really take your concentration off of R with H. And maybe you'll be so empowered by being your badd-*ss single mom self that it'll be a lot easier to deal with down the road.
Ok, I did some work. Calmed down. Sometimes just getting it out on here is so helpful. In the meantime, H did what he does and texted me that he is crazy and he was sorry. I didn't respond, and won't.
I think my need to tell him, is to control. Like, if I tell him, then he won't keep pursuing me. Or that it's somehow not fair to him. Or that X, or that Y fear. He knows I'm pretty much done. I've said it, and I'm showing it. He may never stop, even if we D. So, detach. Continue what I'm doing. I can't control this. Only me.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
No more dipping my foot in the pool of crazy R talks. He can spin, not my problem.
I need to remember, I'm starting a life of my own. He doesn't have to be clued in on everything. He certainly didn't give me a heads up with OW #1 or OW#2
Bad a$$ single mom. I'm making a tshirt!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I'll buy that tshirt! And print on the back Team Tallula!
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I read somewhere or someone told me, divorce should be intentional, not reactive.
Stop the phone stuff unless it's about the business of the family. You let him in when you said "Let me think about it."
Boundaries go both ways.
You are right. I KNEW better when I put that in there. Thanks, Labug!! You are my boundary lady. Should have simply answered, thank you & no.
I had been doing to good at not letting him in.
I will repeat the divorce needs to be intentional, not reactive.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I agree it's needs to be intentional, not reactionary. But finding out about OW #2(3...4...) isn't reactionary, it eye opening to the actual problem. He is a serial cheater and has no desire to change. Also, every decision you make ultimately effects the kids. They will go through everything you go through. They are seeing the mamma's emotions and feeling them. Thankfully, they are young enough so they aren't learning that daddy's behavior is normal.
Don't be afraid to say "you're done" out loud. Only you know if you are. If you are ok with who he is, then keep at it. If not, and you don't either see him wanting to change or don't want to wait the time it will take for him to change (and who knows how long that would be), then why not announce your intentions. Announce it, then move forward. One problem I battle constently is that I don't always stick with the decisions I make (though I know whole heartedly that I NEED to keep them). In the end, I end up getting hurt or walked on.
Hope I am not being rude by going totally off topic, but I love the title of your thread!
I used to play a kind of "peek-a-boo" with my toddlers to that song, popping my head out from behind a chair (or whatever) with each "mana mana." They would squeal with laughter! So, seeing the title of your thread makes me smile. Hope reading that gives you a grin, too.
On the subject of your actual thread...I guess there isn't a lot I can say, except I'm sorry that this happened to you, and I hope the life you rebuild from here is everything you are hoping for.
Think about it...if you met a potential mate who was nothing but a bundle of needs, would YOU be attracted to them?
