Intro to my fight to save my life.

[MrCAS]

I would not be surprised if the OM has laid some kind of guilt trip on your W. "Oh, look what I did for you! See how much I love you? I gave all this up for you!".

[WideAwakeNow]

UPDATE:
So I made an attempt at a 180 yesterday. Just my withdrawal had a major effect on her. Short rundown..

Told her anymore contact and I'd leave after the marriage boot camp.
She called MC for an emergency session.
Subsequently had a texting frenzy with OM that afternoon and evening.
When I discovered it, I packed up some stuff and left. Told her I couldn't take the pain anymore. BUT I DIDN'T really leave. I drove around for a bit then came back home and sat in the backyard just watching to see if she'd call him or what. Her next text was to me though. She ended up coming out and telling me she wanted to work on our marriage and would NC. She told me to keep her phone and ipad.

This morning she called him to tell him NC and she was going to work on our M.
We had a family outing to the zoo today and I could tell she had a rough day thinking about him and everything else. I've still got her phone and ipad. He hasn't tried to contact her today.
I'm confused and scared to death.

What should I do now?

We have marriage boot camp in a week and a half.
She has a very addictive personality and I don't trust her resolve.

[MrCAS]

I take her giving you her phone and ipad as a very positive sign. Take it as an awesome step on her part... a small step forward is better than one backwards...

"Trust is a must or your game is a bust" - Nelson Burton, Jr.

[sandi2]

No more moves like that unless you plan to stick by what you said! It is great that she gave in and said she wanted to work on the M, but if she had not done that...THEN where would you be? If you were calling her. Bluff, it won't work the second time around. And, I'm thinking it was mostly hot air b/c you were watching her to see what she did.

Do not use threats, bluffs, or ultimatiives unless you carry through, or your stitch will be worse than it is now!

[sandi2]

She is going to find out that just b/c she told OM no contact that isn't isn't that easy. If she doesn't know about the addiction, she'll cave, go, go back to contacting.....but the next time, they will be much more secretive to keep it hidden.

When is the boot camp?

[sandi2]

Who sponsors thr boot camp.? Is it MWD?

[sandi2]

Hope you keep us updated.

[Coyote]

Hey there Wideawake,

Coyote here. I'm one of the veterans. However, it's been a while since I've been on this

board. I haven't posted in at least a year or or more. I hope I`m not out of sync here

Indeed, you need to keep things small. You are in shock, your situation is very fresh. You

need to allow yourself a 'large' measure of forgiveness to feel the way you do,

"On Feb 12th my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I was devastated as you can expect as I

had no idea this was coming."

Reminds me of my situation which was back in 2005 (August 19 actually) where I was told, "I'm

in love with you but I'm not in love with you..." Indeed, in the end my marriage was not

saved, but I was. There was nothing I could do about her. However, I have seen many others

change their marriage around, oh ya.

First, you need to begin the process of sorting yourself out. I'm looking at your post and

I'm seeing things like, 'she wants to separate at the end of the school year...' or 'there's

an OM involved.'

This is not easy and it kicks you where the 'sun don't shine.' Especially now. I'm betting it

it's all you can do to just get up in the morning and face the day. I know I was there.

Keep your chin up. Over time, if you make an effort to point yourself in a good direction the

sun will shine again. For now, and for a while ( even at least a year) expect many ups and

downs.

From what I can see about your spouse she's going through a roller coaster ride and there's

nothing you can do to change her at the moment. However, you can start helping yourself out.

First, go see your family doctor. Get a full checkup. These are stressful times. Your body's

taking a beating. Make sure there's nothing like diabetes or whatever creeping up on you.

Also, you may find you may need antidepresants. Talk this over with your doctor. That's not

out of the ordinary in times like this. Many of us have had to go on them for the first 6 to

12 months. Some even more.

Also, start exercising. Get yourself physically active. I wallowed for a few years,

physically, after getting the bomb from my spouse. Regular activity makes a world of

difference here. Your mental state will be much more managable once you keep some sort of

regular, physical activity going.

As well, see a trusted counsellor. Preferably, one who has been recommended by someone you

trust or one that comes highly recommended. Barring that, I will say that many have found the

counsellors on this site to be quite good. Big note here: I am not advertising for Michelle

at all. I'm just going by feedback I've come across over the years. But, the best is if you

have a trusted counsellor you know that comes highly recommended.

I've given all I can for now. Right now, keep it simple. Work on keeping everything simple.

You need to take care of you and you can't do that if you are spreading yourself too thin,

Again, keep your chin up,

Coyote