I am so frustrated with H right now. I realize now that divorce is where we are headed and I just want it to be over now. I am tired of living this limbo life. He clearly has moved on is on vacation now with his OW and her kids and has our kids there too. But he will not sign any papers, every time we come to some sort of agreement he will then ask for more. I am the one making all of the compromises and he is the one that left. Left me and left the kids and moved 3000 miles away. Left his job and everything for this OW.
Now he wants to me let the kids go to another country for 5 weeks in the summer, every other christmas break also so I wouldn't see them for Christmas and since he has no job can only give me $250 a month for 2 kids.... Wow that is not going to pay for anything is it... I am the one doing all of the compromising and he is doing none.. Although not sure why I am suprised been that the whole time. I am just so frustrated and annoyed with this. I started out not wanting the kids to go away at all and I said 2 weeks was good then he wanted 5. If I agree to that which I won't then what will he want? Nothing is ever enough with him. I think he forgets who left the kids, wasn't me.
I started out not wanting a divorce at all and now I can't even imagine having him back. OW can have him.
What does your attorney say? Generally the courts do not look kindly upon men who leave their jobs and then cry poor when it is time to pay child support. Please do not agree to ANYTHING without discussing it with your lawyer first.
Sorry wasn't clear, that was coming from my lawyer. H's lawyer called mine and said they want to try to settle this while H is here. He leaves in 2 days. I am not agreeing to any of that. My lawyer knows I want to settle this but I would rather go to court than agree to take nothing in child support and have to send my kids to England for 5 weeks in the summer. I said 2 weeks and I am not budging. I am the only one compromising. First I said no they couldn't go at all finally agreed to 2 weeks and that is it. I am not giving up one more week. I think he is confused as to who left his family and his job and his life for OW. Wasn't me...
Yeah he claims he can't find a job but seems to have unlimited funds for vacations. I am very interested to see what a judge would think of that. I am done I have made all of the compromising I am going to make. I told him if he was in FL he could see the kids whenever he wants and I fully intend to stand by that. I want them to have a relationship with their father but I am not comfortable sending 2 small boys out of the country without me.
I would ask your lawyer why he/she is advising you to those terms. Maybe there is a good reason. Most custody arrangements do call for a month+ of time in the summer and every other weekend. Child support is figured by a specific calculator that takes into account actual monetary figures...
I would ask your lawyer why he/she is advising you to those terms. Maybe there is a good reason. Most custody arrangements do call for a month+ of time in the summer and every other weekend. Child support is figured by a specific calculator that takes into account actual monetary figures...
But Fig, the judge may set aside those child support calculations if he believes her H is deliberately underemployed - in which case, he might use H's previous salary to calculate child support. Judges REALLY do not like it when guys quit their jobs to get out of paying child support.
As for the visitation - yeah, that's probably standard, although I don't know how much it being international travel might affect things. Plus, I'd want to make darned sure her ex is responsible for all transportation costs.
Sorry to hear you are going through such turmoil to get this D done. I am in a similar situation and it's no fun, for sure.
I agree with kml - a judge would probably not like the fact that your H is not working and might compute his previous salary to determine child support.
What about alimony? How many years have you been married?
As for custody, another consideration for international travel is the age of the kids. I am assuming your H will cover those costs and come pick the kids up and get them back home?
Lots of things to consider - your sitch is not easy. Where does your lawyer stand in all of this? Do you like and trust your L?
I am glad that you are not letting your H and his L pressure you with the time issue. If this doesn't get settled while he is here, tough. He will have to spend more $ in long distance calls to his L, I guess and come back for a trial. I bet he wouldn't want that.
Hang in there and keep posting!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
My lawyer and H's lawyer were talking trying to get us to come to an arrangement an informal mediation. My lawyer wasn't trying to tell me to take that deal, I am sorry if I wasn't clear I was so angry with H. My lawyer was just telling me what they were proposing.
H is saying he can only afford to send me $250 a month because he doesn't have a job and can't find one. He had one but he quit because it was more driving than he wanted to do and hasn't been able to find another one. I am not sure I believe him but whatever. He also left his job here to move to be with OW. When he lived here he was making more than I did.
That is the part that annoys me to no end. I am supposed to raise the kids alone both physically and financially but then he thinks he should have them for a huge portion of the summer and every other Christmas?? Are you kidding me??
I want them to have a relationship with their father, I am the one that sends him pictures and tells them what they are doing and school and stuff. But I am not willing to go 5 weeks without seeing them. I said they could go for 2 weeks that is plenty. I said anytime he is in Florida I will give him full access. He should be here helping raise them, they are clearly not his first priority anymore and I will not budge on this point. I have compromised many other things but I won't on this. I welcome the chance to go to court and tell a judge how he doesn't want to pay child support. I am sure that will go over well...
