Back again. Last time?

[someguy1233]

I have previous threads. I can't link to them from my mobile.

I just had a chat with W. During the fall she was pushing for divorce. I suspected an affair. We reconnected. She quit her high stress job and started working part time and staying home with S.

The last few days she's seemed different. She was staying out again. She seemed distant. At first I didn't suspect much, but the little bits of distance added up. I brought up the conversation tonight, asking her what's going on.

She said nothing that she wanted to discuss so late at night. I told her that wasn't fair since I know something is up and she's brushing me off. I said the anxiety is eating at me and that we need to be able to discuss us.

Her main points:
She feels like something is missing with us still.
She says she's happier than she's ever been, but something still isn't there. Something that's always been missing.
She's attracted to other people often... More often than she thinks she should be.
She admitted to an affair last fall. I told her I knew... I'd yet to tell her prior. She seemed surprised.
I told her everyone is attracted to others at points but its what you choose to do that matters.

She said I deserve better.. I agreed.

I said I had a lot to think about and had to decide what I wanted to do and walked away.

I'm tired of this. I give her everything I can and she sees it. But she says she can't, won't, or doesn't want to give me what I need in return. She flat out said she has a problem being faithful.

I'm debating divorce. I told her I don't want to be with someone that can't be faithful.

I hate what D will do to our family and S.

I don't know what to do.

I'm surprisingly calm. I think I'm becoming jaded from the years of this abuse.

[Cadet]

Last thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...844#Post2296844

[someguy1233]

Thanks for the link, Cadet.

This morning has been a little rough! Four hours of sleep isn't enough.

I'm still shocked that we're here again. I feel stupid for being shocked. We've been through this literally more times than I can remember. It's just surprising since in the last two weeks W has talked numerous times about wanting to have another kid. I told her that I wasn't interested in being a single father to TWO kids and that we needed to ensure our relationship was solid before making that decision. She understood and she wasn't interested in being a single mother to the ONE kid we have...

She also gave lots of hugs, kisses, etc. which is my LL and she knows it.

As much as I love her, I feel like this back and forth needs to stop. I thought our lives were back on track and now I'm back in limbo-land.

[AnotherStander]

Sorry you're going through this. Have you considered MC? What about Retrouvaille? I think both could be a huge help to both of you, but especially your W. Good luck!

[someguy1233]

Sorry you're going through this. Have you considered MC? What about Retrouvaille? I think both could be a huge help to both of you, but especially your W. Good luck!

We tried a few sessions of MC around 4/2012. I struggled to open up during the sessions because she wasn't committed to the relationship. I felt that being too honest would jeopardize the hard work I was doing with DB. In the past she said MC was pointless because I wouldn't talk.

We were scheduled to go to Retrouvaille in November. W backed out the day before the weekend began.

I could try for Retrouvaille again, but I really doubt she'd go for it. Not to mention, I really don't know if I want to. I'm sick of being yanked around by her and don't want to spend my life wondering when the other shoe will drop.

[leopoldstotch]

SG been quite a while my friend. You deserve better is right and her telling you she has a problem being faithful is a huge red flag. There were probably other times she cheated that you dont know about take it from someone wno has been there. Every now and then I wonder how often my STBX really did cheat.

You owe it to yourself and your S to move on and be with someone who wants to be with you because clearly your W doesnt and it [censored] but its her loss not yours. You remained honorable so be proud of that fact. There are better women out there especially ones who don't cheat. Stay with us this time.

[someguy1233]

Leo- good to hear from you.

I think I need to make a plan. It'll help with the anxiety. I need to begin figuring out some of the details of how a divorce will look.

Unfortunately, I think it will lead to financial ruin. We have too many debts and income is low with W only working part time.

[sandi2]

What steps did you take the last time you were here?

[someguy1233]

What steps did you take the last time you were here?

A brief list-
-Stopped asking her about her whereabouts constantly as this bothered her
-stopped playing "20 questions" whenever she got home
-stopped talking about R constantly
-started dressing better
-I spent more time with friends and family, rather than sitting around he house
-validating nearly every conversation.. She even mentioned I was "Like yoda"
-acted as if I was fine whenever I was around her. Acted like I would be fine no matter the outcome.
-took a larger interest in politics and current events, something that interests her.

[someguy1233]

I debated going out tonight instead of coming home right after work in order to avoid W. However, I value my time with S too much so I came home. W was angry and short with S. I remained cheerful... why bother meeting her anger with more anger.

After we put S to bed she asked me what I was going to do. I told her I had to catch up on some work. She said, "Ok. I didn't know if you wanted to talk more... otherwise I'm going to bed." I told her, "I really don't have much to say right now."

It was a surprisingly calm exchange...