Need help!!

[Jeack]

Here's my original [url=threadhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=53117&Number=2324575#Post2324575][url=threadhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=53117&Number=2324575#Post2324575][url=threadhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=53117&Number=2324575#Post2324575]threadhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=53117&Number=2324575#Post2324575[/url][/url][/url]

So i decided to take a lil vacation and returned last thursday. My first day of Vacation W called I didn't answer. She then emailed me that we need to move forward with the divorce and who was getting what. So I replied back sounds good have a lawyer right it up and I'll sign it.

I contacted her thursday like she said to do when I got home from florida and she didn't answer. So I emailed her asking her if she filed, She said she did and I should be receiving the papers in a few days she also said she was still trying to get her own car insurance.

It's been almost 2 weeks since she apparently filed and still no papers!! I don't think she filed. And the Sister in law says she knows she's dating someone else.

So i'm at the point that i'm ready to just file. I don't want this to get ugly. So i'm looking for advice. I've meet with our previous marriage counselor and my family doctor who both said our R will never work unless she gets help for herself. Which I know she won't.

So I really need some support. I know in the Last resort technique it says to shock your spouse as tho your moving on. I feel like me filing would be just that. Thoughts?

[Jeack]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...575#Post2324575

[Jeack]

^

[2chiquitos]

Don't file unless your done. Don't believe you're done unless you've detached. And I don't think you've detached. you're still very angry.

If she filed or didn't file, so what? It doesn't change anything. You continue to get up at the same time. Get your own breakfast. Go to work, etc. in other words, life is the exact same.

So let's say you file today. Is tomorrow any different. not really. not in the way you carry out your day. However, it has disrupted your serenity. you want to hold on to your serenity for as long as you can.

take care

[Accuray]

I believe the main reason to file is because you want closure and are ready to move on with your life without her. I wouldn't do it as a tactic to try to get her back -- it's too expensive and when lawyers are involved it will be confrontational.

You should definitely do it if you're done but not before. As 2chiquitos points out it will not relieve your anger or sadness, in all likelihood it will make those worse. You need to work those through regardless of your marital state.

The other thing to remember is that nothing will change quickly here. You're looking for answers and resolution which is normal and very human, but you need to adjust your horizon because nothing will happen quickly. Let it float for a while and see how you feel.

[Jeack]

Thank you for the feedback. As much as I want to detach. I haven't, maybe in her eyes I haven't cause i've made not contact and stopped begging. We've only been separated for 2 months. Last time I filed right after she wanted a divorce (less than a month of being separated) and then it woke her up and she came around and we reconciled, But our true issues were never addressed because once I had her back we didn't continue to work on the R. I may go another few weeks going dark and see what happens before filing. I do love her very much. She may not have been perfect but she was mine.

I just don't want to be walked on either. she promised to get her own car insurance and file for the D.

Do I ask her about either of these? Or just let it go?

Thank you so much for the responses!

[Jeack]

Also how can my spouse notice 180's when we have absolutely no contact? We do not have children together and have no reason to talk or see each other?

[2chiquitos]

Give it time. You're still very early in this. First do your 180s. They are more for you than for her.

[Jeack]

well I back slid last night. texted her that i missed her. No response. And I just called no answer. Left a msg that i wanted to see how she was and where we stood on everything and that i needed her to sign some local tax forms and i had things to return to her from the house and that i missed her. Is that bad?

[Accuray]

Nothing is bad other than the situation. You do need to refrain from pursuing her however. When you pursue her, she runs. The more you pursue, the farther she runs.

If she wants 15 feet of space, give her 20. That allows her to step back in 5, and that's the direction you want her to head.