I am very much detached from H. We communicate as needed. I answer his questions, or make small talks when he initiates. As for as I know he is not seeing anyone, me neither.
Is physical intimacy during detachment period a deal breaker and absolute no or it is acceptable, maybe helpful?
_________________________ Me: 42 Him: 42 M: 15 years T: 16 S10, D4 H changing since Sept 2011, MLC very likely World exploded 9 Dec 2012
_________________________ Me: 42 Him: 42 M: 15 years T: 16 S10, D4 H changing since Sept 2011, MLC very likely World exploded 9 Dec 2012
Is physical intimacy during detachment period a deal breaker and absolute no or it is acceptable, maybe helpful?
Well that depends. Are you referring to intimacy with your H? then in that case, yes i would think OK. If you are referring to intimacy with a OP, well, then you must be prepared for the marriage to end... because it might. It might help you heal and forget, in some cases might even make H want to get back out of jealousy. But, if in your heart you want to reconcile, i wouldn't muddy the waters with that.
If you are referring to H having that with OP, then that is all dependent of you. Can you forgive and forget? If you are here, I am assuming that that is so.
I was referring to intimacy between H and me. I am not looking forward to mess things further with an OP. I also do not believe he has a OP, at least for now or in practice.
I am applying "detach" pretty well now - after going through whole shock/crisis/meltdown period. I have mixed feelings about physical intimacy. There was none basically for the past 8-9 months since he started to change. Since then I guess we did not find time or desire for sex from destroying our relationship. Now I am thinking that this would make a good 180. But I am sure he will ask for a guarantee that I will not take this as reconciliation... Is it worth the risk of more heart break? Or would it help with the situation? I sense the latter, but who knows... Just questioning myself, and looking any suggestions. Very very hard times for my family...
_________________________ Me: 42 Him: 42 M: 15 years T: 16 S10, D4 H changing since Sept 2011, MLC very likely World exploded 9 Dec 2012
If you are having or thinking about having intimacy w/your h, please use protection. Have you been checked out by your physician? You can't be too cautious when the spouses are on the lose out in the world.
Some mlcers will want to have "sex" w/their spouses and others will avoid it like the plaque. I would suggest that you follow his lead because if you were to initiate it, it must might scare him even further into the tunnel. Keep in mind, mlcers do not look at "making love" the same way that a normal person would in a relationship. Right now it's just sex, no emotions attached to it.
Also, please keep to one thread so that we can follow you and your situation. It also helps if you are trying to maintain a "log" on the forum.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, I am still trying find my way around the forums. I will go to my original thread and copy a link of this thread.
Another issue with my H is alcohol. He increased his intake a lot since last year. Alcohol effects his attitude, behavior, and sexual drive. I spoke to him very carefully on several occasions. He seemed to listen, but did not change his actions in the long run...
_________________________ Me: 42 Him: 42 M: 15 years T: 16 S10, D4 H changing since Sept 2011, MLC very likely World exploded 9 Dec 2012
Alcohol is one of the addictions that mlcers will pick up during their journey, just as some will discover porn, drugs, op, etc. It's self-medication for them. I would suggest that you not speak to him again about the consumption because it will fall on deaf ears. He's going to do what he wants and when he wants. He looks to you as a "mother" when you suggest he changes his habits/ways.
Step back, detach and try not to get sucked into his drama. Have you read any of the links that Cadet has out there on mlc?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
