Words my W spoke to me the other day when she brought up the possibility of reconciliation.
I have been lurking around these forums for a little while, but now feeling ready to jump into the pool. I suppose a little background is in order. I am going to try to give the short version, hopefully without missing anything major.
BD was back in December, and I went through the typical phase of begging, pleading etc until DB, and DR. At that point I feel like I really started to get a handle on things. As everyone keeps advising on these boards, life like this definitely moves in super slow motion. Me: have been selfish about making decisions that didn't necessarily coincide with W opinion, especially about career and where we live in relation to that. W: admits to not standing up to it, and enabling the behavior by not giving me a chance to prove if I would choose her over my sometimes poor job choices. Me: bad anger management problem, created tons of tension and hurt feelings Me: definitely was being a poor father by not really connecting with our S5. and letting my anger be the tool to guide our relationship Us: were continuing to have frequent sex, even while emotional relationship was being neglected W: in general suppressing what she felt and putting a band aid on our negative interactions. trying to post shorter for now. More to come.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
Early on after BD I had suspicions of an A. Wrote about it in my journal Then later wife read the journal and admitted to EA but said there was no PA. The OM is her supervisor and she won't at this point Cut off contact. Also she for her at this time she cannot trust and commit to getting a new place with me. So we decided to separate. I think that The space away from the chaos will hopefully help me work on Myself and R with my son. The main issue I am feeling at this point in time is this. How do you continue to detach but show that you are willing To work on the R if they choose to? Lately I have felt that as I Pull away more my W shuts me out more.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
Welcome, don't have much to say as I am still very new. But I do need to say that what you right pretty well sums up my sitch, so will watch this topic with interest.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Just updated my sig, but I am 36 W is 31. I started going through the love languages the other day. But have paused on it because I really feel like I should read DR again to screw my head back on. Testing the waters feels more like a horrible strategy game that I cannot win sometimes. Like her talking about reconciliation and we have a nice interaction, then she doesn't say anything to me for days. Trying to remain calm and focused on my actions. But it is definitely emotionally draining.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
W and I are separating in less than two weeks. She seems to have basically gone M.I.A. (staying somewhere not home.). It is tough for me, still working on detachment. But the toughest thing right now is how much anxiety my son is having amidst all the chaos. She mostly isn't around to see it. Trying to cope.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
I just have to say that I greatly appreciate this forum being available. Thanks to all the people who bravely post their problems, and the people who support and give advice. It has been so helpful to me just being able to read about others and reflect on my own situation from that.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
Just when I think that I am getting a handle on my life a new layer peels back and you realize just how poor your own communication skills have been. It is tough to really listen and accept what someone else is feeling. Especially when you are embroiled in conflict and distance with that person. The things they could say might hurt you. Bit you still need to listen.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
Having a really awful day today. The reality that we are splitting up finally caught up with me. I have been running like crazy to keep myself occupied but today it hit me. While at the store buying packing tape I had a horrible anxiety attack or something. My head was swimming and I had shooting pain in my stomach. When we got home S was chattering about how W is taking her stuff and I am taking my stuff. Then W left for work and my emotions just overwhelmed me. Feeling like a complete weakling. I can't imagine how some of the people on this board can continue listening and validating their spouse while being blamed for everything wrong in life. I have the utmost respect for your fortitude, personally feel like throwing in the towel right now. Tired of feeling like a punching bag and then apologising for it.
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
So I have been reading through a lot of threads on this board the last day or so. Confused about some things now. Was reading about going dark in he mlc section and it gave me some food for thought. As my sitch has progressed I have focused on stopping pursuit. But one of my W big complaints was how I was emotionally unavailable. She has said a couple of times in last few weeks how she is expecting fireworks of change/ expecting too much. Am I leaving her alone too much? I haven't been trying to avoid her totally just to not initiate calling/texting or any deep conversations. Is it possible that my space giving is having an adverse effect? Or is she just spewing?
Me-36 W-31 M-7 S-5 BD Dec/12- things were wrong for awhile, head was in the sand
Seeking means: to have a goal Finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal
