Hello! I was conversing in this thread with Mach 1. Not sure if you're still around.
I've had some PC help in this new journey of realizing that I will be starting my new life outside the military without spouse support. It took from Feb 13 to Nov 13 to finally come to terms. S has a new man and hasn't been secretive about it. We are legally separated and have been since June 13. We're able to talk, but very briefly. Usually it's about the kids or if she needs something from me. Christmas was weird. My first Holiday season alone without family. However, I've got great friends, co-workers and leadership. I was given quite a few invitations to spend time with others. I didn't turn down any. It was just a peep into what my future will be like and I think I did well. Now, it's a new year and I made no resolutions...only goals! I set a goal to finish my professional certification (I'm an aircraft mechanic), start my Master's in May, and of course it goes without saying... focus on family. I'm ensuring that I search for jobs near my children so I can continue to be a part of their life.
OK. So that was a brief background. So here's my immediate dilemma:
I'm scheduled to visit my children (I'm in Turkey, S & children are in Denmark) next month. They have a 2 week school break. S has offered for me to stay in IL's flat since they are out of the country. This is a stone's throw from her flat. I agree that it would be too awkward staying at her place even if it was on the couch. I'm bringing some small gifts for the kids, and S asked if I would buy her 5 bottles of melatonin (about $30 purchase) and if I would, she would pick me up at the airport (a 1-hr trip one-way). I wasn't planning on her picking me up and am thinking this is going to be an awkward ride. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I give enough to her for support. And I feel it will be a very quiet ride. I still want to keep it civil. What do you think?
Thanks in advance to whoever helps me think this through!
Try this on and see how it fits: Buy the melatonin for her, and decline the ride offer.
You don't need to put yourself in situations that are going to be awkward and painful, and the ride in return for the melatonin is an artificial construct, those things don't need to go together.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Thanks! I was thinking the purchase was no big deal and if I made a fuss about it, it wouldn't help with future relations. I needed that validation it would be unnecessary for the quiet and awkward ride. Glad I'm being careful in responding with her requests and taking some time to process first.
Good to hear from you again. I have been doing better than others in my sitch. Over the holidays, we had an indiv in our community that was in the same boat as me and he chose a poor way to handle it... attempted suicide. After that point, I knew I was going to be just fine. I realized that I AM strong and will get through whatever is thrown at me. I have been keeping fitness as my anchor and been feeling better than ever. I've set goals for myself (finish certification & start M.S. in May), and been taking care of myself so I am confident about me and not worrying about the future. I wise person said, "You can worry about the future and ruin a perfectly good present."
I'm currently job hunting now and am planning on finding something within Denmark so I can be nearby my kids.
At the moment, I'm excited to see my children next month. I'm also reminding myself the DB rules in that when I go, I will not be a gloomy Gus and will stay positive around S regardless. I will not have her see me sad. There's someone out there that will love me for who I am, and I won't find them being down all the time. Additionally, it's important to put my best foot forward for my kids' sake. They don't need to be dragged into the emotional stuff.
I've just figured my tax refund and I'm getting $581 filing joint w/ the deductions of our 2 children as well.
S is expecting the full refund to her. I've provided over $19,000 to her and the kids over last year. I still have an allotment of $1650 to her monthly until we are officially divorced. At this time, we are legally separated.
I'm so angry right now, I am shutting down and not saying a word. Sitches like this has our future relations on the line. This [censored].
