I haven't been here for a while but thought I'd do a quick catch up.
Things are going well at the moment. I have been offered an amazing opportunity (and also worked very hard for that opportunity to happen) to train as a teacher next year. I'll be teaching primary age 5-11 and being paid to do so. Normally you have to pay £9000 of fees to train plus all your living expenses but I got offered a place on a scheme where you get your fees paid and earn a good salary too. I could not be more happy.
Yesterday I passed my exams which I have been working so hard for to get onto the scheme including maths which was a huge hurdle for me and although I am living with my parents still and that presents it's own issues which I have written about before, I am using the opportunity to save towards a mortgage so I can be independent again. This is something I value so much since the divorce and am really proud of having achieved.
My career has always been a sticking point for me and something that was an issue when I was married because I was always unhappy and bored at work. I love teaching and the responsibility and business of it and the kids are great. It also affords me 6 weeks in the summer to do as I like so I can travel if I like and also means I am not stuck in London and can live anywhere and there will be jobs. This is also huge for me.
I look back at what I have done since ex left and I can't believe it. From the utter misery for so long to realising there are opportunities out there if you grab them. Life will be hard too, the depression I felt when ex left and then at coming home from backpacking last summer was quite crushing but if you just keep open, the hardest thing when there is potential hurt and disappointment, then good things will come around again too.
I guess one thing that is still bothering me though is Joe, the guy I was seeing (for 2 years) when I was away. Over last summer he just cut me out his life for no reason that was apparent. Apart from a message at Chrostmas saying he loved me, nothing. I have not pursued but it is bothering me. I know it is more about him and his issues than me because I can genuinely say I didn't do anything, and you know me, I analyse that sort of thing a lot. And I can see my choice of partner was very much about where I was at at the time, not particularly healthy. But it is bothering me and I don't know whether to write to him or not, I am really at the point of cutting him out. Deleting fb etc. But it was just so rude to ignore me, especially after promising to marry me etc when we got back. Ok, even writing it I can see THAT was never going to happen.
I feel in a place of strength now. I am planning a really fun summer of travel and work before the really hard work begins in September. I feel writing to him is a risk to that, but can I learn to just let it go?
Hi JCJ, that is fantastic news. I have followed your story on the occasions I pop back to this site. You really have come so far. Just my thoughts and I can understand why the MIA Joe bothers you but fwiw I would just let it go, parcel it up as the past,a piece of history and let it go. I think you know it deep down. You say you are in a place of strength now, so why pick at a scab? loose ends? Do you really need to go back ask your self why, what will you gain, what might you loose?
Anyway, great news on teacher training, think you may have to rethink the 6 weeks summer travelling maybe just 4wks but I wish you every success. Primary is such a fantastic age group-well yr. 6 can get a bit of top dog attitude but lovely all the same.
I know the stuff with Joe hurts. He was the person you needed at the time but now you have grown more and time for Joe to take on that task by himself. Sorry but you can't do it for him.
So did you ever confirm your Dads affair? What is your mum's take? Keeping a blind eye? Perhaps it is her way of coping . Wishing you all the best. I am so round of you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
That scheme sounds wonderful! You have always seemed like a 'teacher type' to me. This sounds made for you.
I agree with naej. You have outgrown Joe at this point and, if you are able, it may be time to just let it go and chalk it up to experience. He fit you where you were at then, but not now.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I have tried, and mostly succeed, in putting the Joe thing behind me. I think you are right naej about picking the scab, and also Kat and Mish about where I was then and now. We did have a great time together and he kind of topped of my Oz experience because he was fun and so funny. I was the happiest I've ever been in Brisbane but I always knew that was temporary. It just annoys me now because it is so RUDE to just ignore someone and frustrating not to have any kind of conversation.
Yeah the dad thing is very hard to live with. I kind of hate that I have had to train myself to be immune to what's happening around me. He is definitely meeting up with someone he doesn't want the rest of us to know about, and is such a bad liar. Each time he lies to my face (badly) it feels like a little bit inside goes bleugh. Mum deals with it by being resentful towards him ( a Marian reaction) but it makes things 10 times worse cos then he feels more justified. There is no conversations about it, but coming home after some distance I have realised that's how we function as a family, by just not saying stuff, and we do have a great time together. I just try and focus on my relationships with each of them individually and make sure they're real. If that makes any sense.
But it is hard to live with but I have chosen a harder path of retraining so I have no choice but to live here (and most of the time it is fine and my parents generally are great and very kind, supportive and generous) and I have to just think of the bigger picture and know that longer term I will be happier for doing this.
Life's never perfect. I guess that's what I meant in my title by saying most of the time. I just concentrate on me and making sure my heart doesn't get hardened by being let down (by Joe and dad) because that's how I feel. I know there are men out there who will be man enough to deal with issues. I guess I'll hopefully be wiser the next time.
I had to share. With all the exh stuff I have deliberately never found out info about the ow, but today over an email convo with the only friend I have stayed in touch with it came up in conversation. Here's the story. The ow is 'she' and Kate is the wife of my friend.
'You should know that I'd only met her briefly at their house warming. So, somehow - I honestly don't remember the circumstances - we all met up at a Spanish tapes restaurant. Now, when you think of tapas what words springs to mind? Erm - sharing! Everyone eats a bit of eat dish and then you get as many flavours as possible. Anyway, they didn't share - and were quite direct about it. Why invite us to a tapas restaurant and not share?
Kate also found her weird in that her wedding planning was going stratospheric and ours wasn't. In our case, intentionally, as our wedding whilst a special event wasn't going to dominate our lives. She's bloody intense - and well, we can think of nicer people to spend time with. If you wondered - or not - we didn't go their wedding... partly as I'd been his first one(!), partly because they're a strange couple, partly out of loyalty(!) to you, partly because of the expense.. and especially as we were getting married the following week!'
Anyway, this story made me happy. A bit of validation and confirmation of what we all know. Ow are crazy b!tches. Ha ha!
