Wifes original terms in black. I replied to them in blue.
(husband) these are some of the things we need to agree to and by no means the final terms. Please look them over and let me know how you would like to move forward. I would like to be fair and amicable and not make this ugly. I will reply to everything in blue. I will do my best to be fair, within my own personal means. A divorce between you and I is just that, between you and I, no one else. I would like to remain amicable as well.
It is agreed upon that Nov 11, 2012 was our separation date. Any debt incurred after this date is not each others responsibility. I agree.
Parenting plan for (daughter) will continue with week on week off with mid week (1 day a week after school until 7:00pm) visitation. All holidays will be split fairly (please define fairly) and (Daughter) best interests will be priority. Each parent will be given vacation time with (daughter) of a minimum two weeks a year. Is this in addition to the standard weekly custody, making it 3 weeks total, and when you say "minimum", then what is the maximum? How do we handle conflicting schedules? How does that play into our normal weekly custody dates?
If one of us is available to watch (daughrer) while the other has to work or goes away we need to be given that option over paid childcare. I disagree. I would however be open to leave this an option we can discuss for each circumstance.
(daughter) will be able to contact each parent any time she wishes. I agree
You will maintain (daughters) Medical and dental care. I disagree. We will split all medical and dental costs. All decisions regarding medical and dental need to be discussed. I agree.
We will each pay 50% of all school and activity costs for (daughter). Signing up needs to be agreed upon and a schedule of all activities and events given to each other so we can attend. I agree
$300 in child support will be made to me monthly until (daughter) turns 18 or as long as she remains in school. I disagree. Support will be based on the Washington state scale, based on 50/50 custody and our last two years of income taxes.
$1000 will be given to me every summer on July 1st to help pay for summer fun and activities for (daughter). I disagree. You will need to budget your own money so that you can afford to do the things you would like to do with (daughter). I will do the same.
We both need to be contacted in case of any emergency or big decisions involving (daughter). Includes changes in Childcare, new roommates etc. I agree
(daughter) will remain in the school dist as long as you are still living at the (business) or she reaches the age to make that decision for herself. I disagree. She will remain in the School district, regardless of where I (or you) live within the school district boundaries, until the age of 18.
I have the right to move to Canada and have (daughter) reside with me in Canada on my week if I choose to do so. I disagree. (daughter) will reside in the United States until the age of 18. She will not have any medical, legal or financial support outside of the U.S. Therefore, she will remain in The United States for her personal safety and mine as well. If you would like to carry international travel medical insurance on her, with comparable coverage to what she has here and on a fulltime yearly basis, we can discuss this further.
I will be responsible for getting her to school during my week. We need to notify each other of any moves. I agree
There will be an agreement that (daughter) will always be allowed to go to Canada with me during my time with her. I disagree. She will be allowed under certain circumstances to leave the country, for certain periods of time, under mutual agreement. You will not be able to take her outside of the US at any time without permission, nor will I.
We will take turns claiming (daughter) as our dependent on Taxes alternating years. I will claim her next year. I agree
As far as dividing assets etc. I feel that it is more then fair to be bought out of the house, retirement savings etc. I would like $40,000 to cover that cost. If in agreement I will not go after any pension, retirement, future gains, % of the (business) etc. I disagree. You and I do not own a home. Therefore, there will be no "buy out" offered to you. You are entitled to a portion of my retirement, if you wish. I am also entitled to a portion of yours from your work history with Macy's. We can compare the amounts and discuss a mutual agreement. I do not have a pension or any other retirement funds. Future gains are dependent on the future, so be aware of your own money making ability as time progresses. The (business) has no bearing on our community property. You have no legal right to pursue it, but feel free to seek legal advice regarding that before we finalize.
When I leave the Apartment I would like to split up serving dishes, camping gear, (daughters) clothes, toys and personal items that we have collected over the years. I agree. I am sure we can come to a resolution regarding a fair understanding for the split of our personal items.
I will be able to remain in the Apartment or house until the divorce is final and a buy out has been done. There will be no harassment or threats to make it difficult to stay. I disagree. You will have to take this up with the (business). I am not a majority shareholder, nor do I have open decision making authority. My understanding is you have 30 days to vacate the property.
My medical will be maintained by you/business until the divorce is final. I disagree. I am not personally able to incur the cost of your medical insurance at this time. I never have been. You will have to discuss your insurance concerns with the (business), who had previously covered you on their policy. I am not the majority shareholder, nor do I have open decision making authority. As far as I am aware, you are currently un-insured, but will be paid in full for past doctor visits.
Our vehicle insurance will be paid and maintained until divorce is final at which time separate policies can be created. We are both liable for each other being married even if we have separate policies. Might as well keep it together for now. I disagree. We should be actively seeking separate policies right now. I see no reason to intermingle our personal finances until a later date. This divorce process is about separating ourselves from each other, not keeping ourselves tied together. You are currently past due on your monthly payment, but are still insured at this time.
We will each be responsible for our own vehicles and pay off the remaining balances owed. you will need to have your name taken off my car once we agree to all the terms. I agree. My understanding is that the car will need to be paid off in full or sold to accomplish this. I will be willing to sell it directly to you for the balance owed. All financing will have to be handled by you, and under your name of course.
The Loan on the house will become your full responsibility. There is no loan on the house. The (business) has full financial ownership of the property, and has for years.
We need to agree to never speak badly about each other in front of (daughter) and never make (daughter) feel like she needs to pick between us. We also will not allow others to talk bad about each other in front of (daughter). This is very important to her well being. I agree
I will be able to continue to come visit with friends and family at the (business) but will register with the office or you when I am on the grounds. I disagree. You will be allowed to meet at the (business for pickups and drop offs of (daughter). Any other time spent here will be by invitation or permission by the owners of the (business).
There will be no calls, threats or unfair discrimination made towards my friends and family while they are visiting the (business) or me while I am staying in the apartment. This is my home and has been for 12 years. I agree
I am sure that there will be more things to go over as I do the paper work but here is a starting point. There are many many more items that need to be discussed. We can cross that bridge before filing. I look forward to hearing your reply and how we can progress from here I am sorry (husband)....... Words cannot even describe how sorry I am, (wife)....this is killing me and my family, yours as well. This should have never happened. I feel that every single issue we have is completely reconcilable, but this is your wish to divorce, and I will support your decision......
Wow, y'all are so far apart on your terms that I can't imagine this being done without lawyers and a protracted legal battle! Good luck to you!
Regarding her moving back into the house, you're probably going to have to consult with a lawyer on that since the home ownership is tied up in the business. It's probably going to be messy trying to unravel what her stake (if any) is in the home and business. I'm sure her position will be that she has a stake in both though.
unfortunately, as much as I wanted it with all of my heart, I don't foresee this marriage being reconciled for more than obvious reasons. It hurts very deeply, and that will make it so much harder to go through the divorce process...It's getting rough for me. I feel very alone right now.
I know the parts that I am negotiable on and not. Unfortunately, her terms are just completely out of my grasp. I cannot sell the house because I do not own it, and it is also tied up in the business property. I would literally have to sub divide a 30 acre parcel to break it off into it's own entity. I have nothing else I can sell that would amount to the figures that she is requesting. I simply do not have a way of financially meeting her terms. It's unfortunate, but that is the reality of the situation. I have expressed to her for YEARS that this business allows us to live a lifestyle that we could not otherwise afford. But, after divorce and living on her own, she expects to maintain that lifestyle. It is just NOT going to happen.
I reached out to W again this morning to see if she wanted to meet and duscuss the terms again. She says she is going to consult a lawyer before discussing anything further with me. Her Mom came down from Canada late lastnight to assist her. I beleive this is going to get ugly real soon. Neither party has much, if any, disposable income to waste. The Lawyers will undoubtedly be collecting that and leaving nothing left for us. W will see soon enough how hard it is to maintain her lifestyle without actually having enough money to do so. I suspicion she will try to go after the business in search of money from the home, which is pretty well protected I beleive. That will surely be bad money thrown after good in terms of lawyer expenses for all parties.... Soooooo stupid!
