I am married now for 15 years..Me 40, H41. Adopted our beautiful boy 5 years back..First 5 years of M more happy , though struggled with h's reaction to slights, barbs .. funny remarks were blown out of proportion as a huge attack on his personality.. used to fight cry and make up.. Then came along father in law's cancer.. mother in law a npatient of depression..Lost FIL to cancer.. Then came along infertility.. 7 years of treatments .. Then lost brother-in law to depression and suicide.. Then comes our beautiful baby.. i was totally immersed in the joys and pains of mommy land.. slowly started walking around egg shells with my H..reached a point where i stopped bothering with the sensitive topis and he started withdrawing off and on.. March, april 12 barely spoke.. bomb dropped may12.. been unhappy for a long time .. wants to live his life.. cant commit to me.. not into me.. not into marraige.. have not done anything regarding weight, appearance and so on.. yelped liked an animal.. begged his forgiveness.. utter madness and helplessness.. told me about small EA's one big EA.. likes to chat with women..go out for lunches. and so i begin to do do all things on Not to do list of DB.. along with the to do list.. losing weight and getting a new look was the easiest part 7 pounds in 3 days.. lost all weight it took me 5 years to lose.. Unknowingly played pursuer chaser game..had some good days, some bad days.. did 180 on certain things,.. H sees attn on 1/01/13.. discusses custody.. watches me fall apart and barely reacts. hears me crying like a dog on the bathroom floor , puts a pillow on his ear and continues to sleep. Continue 180 and DB and buy time.. say i need to visit a counsellor .. he says for what. refuses to discuss with anyone.. did find an OW along the way.. do not confront him with the name,.. counsellor says i am a perfectionist with a critical attitude.. come home and cry a bit more.. H says will go to explain clearly why he wants to divorce.. the counsellor ask him if either of his parents had depression and a small window opens,,He trusts the therapist when she says he is having mild depression.. she tells me all extramarital affairs are a sign of depression.. they look at it as a mood enhancer.. no love from mother root cause for him seeking emotional support elsewhere.. He suddenly is looking at this differently..
Want to add that these forums have helped me during my darkest hours.. to all the bravehearts here all..
You are all trying to do the right thing for ur kids, for ur selves and also for ur CS/MLC'ers.. Doing something right cant take you some place wrong .. Hang in there.. We have a long journey ahead of us..Yest was a small baby step.. i do hope we keep moving towards the right path.. love
hoper me-40,H41 M-15 S-6 Looks like MLC,living together
