unfortunately our kids found her fb page open the day she took off for some (girl time)! they caught her cheating and she,s tried her best to gaslight them but our son isn,t buying it. so she has pushed him away. i guess i,m not as strong as some of you guys and if we had minor kids it might be different. the farther away i get the more disgusted with this person i become.
Ok, so the kids know reality...and especially since they are grown, it is not your responsibility to intervene...
I would have said something like this: "W, I am sure you and S will work out your relationship"
-It puts the responsibility back where it belongs, with W and S. -YOU are not seen as judgmental, controlling, or anything like that...maybe that would be different than before, idk.
To be honest, I would have THOUGHT what you did, but this far into my sitch, I finally learned how to deploy a filter between brain and mouth..it did take me quite a lot of time and slips though....
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
thanks t2 i feel like a fool from the first time i divorced her but i can say i enjoyed the last 15 years with her . well except the last year, i should say! i think its best for me to continue nc because i get sucked into drama to easily. i did take everyones advice when she tried to get me involed the last time and told her to talk to the kids herself.
thank you, i guess i,m not quite as bad as i,m made out to be! i know i wasn,t perfect but i was always there and i didnt cheat! if there was a problem i was always open to try to come to a solution. looking back i can see she has always used sex as a way to feel accepted. i still have a lot to learn at 46 yrs old.
They say here that even if you were the "perfect" spouse, they would still go mlc because it is their stuff from long before they are trying to work out, and the LBS is the handiest, safest target, for now. That will change, hopefully, as they work through their process and start seeing that what they use to distract themselves from their issues isn't working and see that they STILL aren't happy.
In my sitch, W has come to determine that I do NOT actually have horns and an 8 foot tail coming out of my backside...it has taken a while. You need to keep your changes growing, evolving for you, show her the improved you, though she will NOT "notice" for a while, or at least tell you, that's why they have to be for you, irregardless of whether the M is reconciled...I have to do the same...
And patience...a truckload of that!
Become the man she'd be a fool to leave, that is your job right now. Stay out of her way, and stay out of your own way with old, standard behaviors that she expects from you.
My 2,5 cents...
Hang in there! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
thank you, i have a much better perspective on some of the behavior she complained about and there is some validity to some of it. i just wish she would of said something instead of metamorphasizing into an adolescent! your right its been almost a year and she is still angry.
