"He's only doing that because of the things that transpired over the weekend, he thinks I might be moving on. But we have been here before - he reels me back in and then continues more of his same - with no intention of mvoing back (his words)."
I hear you. So...don't let him reel you back in. This is a pattern from me and H too. I am not being reeled back in this time. As MWD says in DR, we must try these 180's for weeks to access whether they are working or not. I have not consistantly pulled back. I gave myself an internal time frame of 3/31. Then I will access. Not, I pull back for a week, he chases, I'm close again, he' s mean...cycle, cycle.
YOU can choose to stop the dynamic!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I had my first phone coaching session with Laurie this morning, I highly recommend her, no matter where you are in your situation.
I'm feeling like I really need to move on and get rid of this limbo feeling.
Yesterday I sent an email to H suggesting how I would like to split assets and saying if we could mostly agree then we could use the same lawyer and our tax money. I was very pleasant and asked what he thought. No response yet - he always checks his email
So I'm going to give that til mid week and see if I get a response before I ask if he's seen it and what he thinks.
H is being very nice for the most part, even asked me how my day was yesterday. Weird. Because earlier yesterday he deleted me and most of my family from his FB. Now isn't that grown up lol?
He's still hunting through phone records. This morning I told him I had a meeting with my side business, when I had my phone appointment. He texted during that time and wanted to know about a number and that he assumed it was a guy from work and that I didn't need to lie. Uh what?
It is a guy from work - we mostly talk work but do talk about other things. He's a personal trainer and I've been working out, so sometimes we talk about that. But H says 'non-stop' - uh, no, we had a conversation yesterday and this morning he asked how I was.
Anyway, I'm not sure why he cares anymore. He's the one running around like he's not married.
So besides the Satruday accusations, H was nice and freidnly the rest of the weekend. We didn't text much but when we did it was pleasant, mostly about D.
Then this morning ...the texting conversation somehow turned into sexual innuendos, by him. I let it go for awhile but was kind of short in my answers. Then he said something about how long it ahd been, I said 2 weeks....
And he offers to come take care of that for me. What?
I replied 'Sounds good but I'm not sure that's a good idea right now'
He asks why.
I said 'according to fb you and I aren't even friends any longer. I like to at least be friends with people if I'm going to do that.' (yea, maybe a little snarky, but...)
He says he didn't delete me and didn't know anything about it.
Then says maybe I should just go find another fb friend then or the guy at work.
Geez. That is ridiculous.
I wrote back 'Seriously? Just stop. It's more than fb. It's the entire situation.'
He just says 'word, i'll leave you alone then'
I just find it all completely annoying. I am NOT your f*buddy. If you would like to show me at all that you have interest in our actual relationship, then maybe. But I can't allow my emotions to get all whacked out everytime we go thru this. Because I am fairly certain at this point it means nothing to him - even though we are connected and it shows there is still something there.
And here just Saturday I really thought I had my mind good on things...grrrr. I do think I handled it well tho. Better than I used to.
When he acts all nice to me these days I feel like he is up to something. But I also think that he has a sudden fear that I am really moving on and may file...so he thinks he should maybe rethink all this.
Too much mind reading, I know.
Anyway, after the messaging yesterday that I explained in the rpevious post, last night he text and apologizes. Which is good - but this happens all the time anymore - he always said I need to learn to keep MY mouth shut - while hes the one that sends awful text mesages and then has to come back and apologize.
He followed that up by mentioning scheduling his tonsil surgery. He was told last year that he should probably have this. So how about the timing on that?!
He sent one of my good friends a text over the weekend. Guess he decided it was time to share 'his side'. Basically it was that I enver come out of myself and that he can live with someone that will not love, support, kiss and hug unconditionally. That it was always my way and he was supposed to be there when I wanted him.
While I don't doubt a lot of this the first year of becoming new parents, when we all know things change greatly, for the last over a year I have been really trying to be there for him a lot more - and it usually ended up with me getting rejected.
I'm really tired of hearing how it was like that for the first 3 years of marriage. I realize that this is his reality and I can't change it but I'm tired of apologizing for it too. We need to move forward and quit remembering the past.
But overall the last several days he has been very pleasant, wanting to chat with me. Hmmm...think he sees I might actually move on and not live like this.
I just find it all completely annoying. I am NOT your f*buddy. If you would like to show me at all that you have interest in our actual relationship, then maybe. But I can't allow my emotions to get all whacked out everytime we go thru this. Because I am fairly certain at this point it means nothing to him - even though we are connected and it shows there is still something there.
I think you're right that it means nothing to him, and if it's messing with your emotions then by all means do not go there. When you told him "no" his followup texts smacked of an 8-year-old's temper tantrum. To me that says a lot about where his intentions were, they were not to reconnect with you emotionally.
So today has taken an interesting turn. He was whining about money, since I still have control of all the accounts, etc. Although lately he's been on several trips bougth several new pairs of shoes etc...but then whined about gas money to come pick up D for daycare one morning...priorities.
Anyway, I said you are welcome to take your paycheck, but you will also need to take several bills. And asked if he read email.
He says he has not read email. Told him it was about splitting things up if thats what he wants to do. He says he's fine with that.
Tomorrow night we are going to sit down and talk about it. Guess we will be starting this D process.
H and I had our first discussion about child support and assets last night - and well, it went awful.
He agrees with most of the financial part but wants 50/50 custody. I told him I was not ok with that and he broke down crying and ran the gammut of things from I don't think he's a good dad, I'm trying to control the whole thing like I always due, won't meet him half way, I want his money (what?!), I can get my daddy to get me a lawyer...and finally that he hopes I burn in h#ll. No kidding, he really said that.
I was calm thru this whole thing and kept telling him we would talk about it some other time.
And then he finally got his composure and apologized. And texted later apologizing again.
We are supposed to continue this conversation tonight. He promises to remain calm. It would be in both of our best interest to come to an agreement.
My thoughts on custody is that a child needs a primary caregiver. She's only 2 1/2. I would agree to go joint on legal custody so he has as much say, but I want 50/50 physical.
She will end up with me more often anyway. He didn't even start keeping her overnight until the beginning of February! And this past Saturday was probably the only time he's had her for nearly 24 hours.
And now that we are really going thru with D, I don't feel he should come over in the mornings to take her to daycare anymore. Not being spiteful - but it's really not his home now. Does that sound mean?
Here's hoping I don't get told to burn again tonight!
Man, lady, I'm sorry. I've been away from the boards. I haven't even gone there with the thought of custody. Right now since I only work 2 days a week, I keep the kids sunday-Friday and H has them weekends. But, my D2 has the harder time than my S3. She LOVES her daddy, but it's hard on her to be away from me. I don't even want to think about what is going to happen with the newborn.
IMO, your H needs to do a whole weekend to really get the idea. I doubt my H would want 50/50. In theory I bet he does, but he hasn't had them for a whole week alone...ever.
Hey, at least he realized telling you to burn in hell was wrong... Man.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Hey Tallul - you've been dealing with your own drama...and so sorry about your Grandma.
D doesn't really understand yet and does ok with either one of us really. But I seriously don't think he has ever had her longer than 48 hours - I can't even remember if that has ever happened.
I think they do like the 'theory' of it. His idea of 50/50 is more like an every other day thing - he has too much going on the weekends to keep her the entire time....
Yeah, he apologized again today. And I told him how he's been doing that a lot lately. He says he will not get as emoitional and think before he speaks. We shall see.
