I haven't been on here in a long time. I needed some space and reading all of the new stories was really making me sad. Seems like so many people are going through the same things.
Anyway not sure if anyone remembers me. My H hooked up with an old "friend" his word on fb and ended up moving out. Has been about 2 years since the bomb. He moved out in Sept 2011 and in April 2012 moved back home to England. So not only left me but the kids too. Have 2 sons they are 8 and almost 6. He does call them everyday and they facetime but it has really been an adjustment for them especially my older son. I ended up taking him to talk to a therapist, he only went 2 but it seemed to really help him. H has been back to see the kids 1 time in Nov with his mother. He is coming back ifor Spring Break to see them but just informed me the other day he is bringing his friend and her 2 kids. My kids don't even know he has a gfriend let alone that she has 2 kids.
I am concerned about how this will affect my boys. Dad is gone spends no time with them and now is spending time with other kids. I don't think it is a good idea. I really do not want her around my kids at all. I feel like she has my husband now she wants my kids. I told H I didn't want her around the kids, he seems to think everything will be fine. I guess I want some opinions on what to do. Part of me wants to say no he cant have the kids around her and the other part wants to just sit back and see what happens.
H still won't agree to a D either. Have had papers going forever. He wouldn't sign anything in Nov said he felt pressured then had to hire a lawyer to read over them another delay. He said he wanted to make sure I wasn't screwing him. REALLY.... I am the one left with all the bills and the responsibility of raising our kids alone.. Jerk...
Somedays I don't care about him at all and other days I still wish we could go back and fix things.
1) He's a jerk - seriously, who moves that far away from two small boys? I'd never be able to forgive that, personally.
2) Re: the divorce - get your lawyer to put the pressure on his lawyer to get that thing done. Seriously, you will feel so much better once you do.
3) Talk to your attorney about this, but I would be a little bit worried about him taking off with the kids when he's here. I know there is a way to prevent the other parent from getting a U.S. passport without your consent, but what if he somehow got British passports for them? Paranoid thinking I know, but just ask your attorney what steps you might need to take to ensure legal custody etc.
4)"I really do not want her around my kids at all. I feel like she has my husband now she wants my kids." - a very very common feeling - BUT - if this woman is going to be in your H's life, she will eventually be in the kids' lives too. Hard pill though this may be to swallow, it may be better to make peace with her. As for your kids learning that daddy has an OW and her kids - might as well get it over with. If you haven't told them you're getting divorced, better do it now. Try to keep your feelings out of it - the kids will take their cue from you. This woman has NOT won some prize, remember - she's ending up with the a-hole your H has become; karma will get her eventually, have no fear. Stick to the high road. In fact, be so nice and wonderful that she starts to doubt the stories he told her about his "terrible" wife. And take the opportunity to berate him for holding up the divorce in front of her (she's probably hearing that YOU'RE the one dragging your feet, lol).
He is a jerk. There are things I could forgive I understand part of why he had an affair but to leave the kids I can't forgive. That is the hardest thing for me and I am the one that has to pick up the pieces.
It would be different if he was here and the kids saw him all the time to introduce her but they have seen their dad 1 time since April 2012 and now he is coming with a new family. I think that is horrible.
They don't have US passports for that very reason. I am not sure how it works in England if he could get them a passport or not. He doesn't have their birth certificates or anything like that.
I have tried to take the high road a lot but I am afraid I can't with her. I told him not to bring her to my house. Their father is barely in their lives I am not to worried about this hag. I have not and will not bash their father or his choices to them but I am not going to make nicey nicey to her.
They know we are getting divorced, I think they actually think we are divorced. Should be has been years now. I think they are going to have a problem with the fact that they never see dad and now he is showing up with 2 other boys.
I don't know this is just not how I thought my life would be! I am trying to make the best of it but it is hard. In a normal divorce you would get a break at some point. I have the kids 100% of the time. I would rather have them 100% than 0% like their dad but doing everything for everyone wears a person down.
I agree with every point that kml made. I would definitely see your L and get their input. I know it's a horrible when your X wants to "play family" with your kids, but I believe it will work out. I agree with taking the high road, but getting your L's approval also.
X is crazy..... He just tried to tell me he never had a relationship with OW while we were together. She is just his friend. Oh and I never knew him. Never really knew him. For 10 years we were together... But I never knew him.
He said his friend is going to be around for a long time so if the kids don't meet her this visit they will meet her.
He is just such a jerk
Lawyer told me that to foster a good relationship with their father I should let them go be with him. I have no problem them being with their dad. I have the problem with her. In a normal situation I would want to meet this person that is going to be around my kids but I do not want to meet her.
How do you come to visit your kids once a year and bring your gf and her kids..wtf is he thinking.
Still won't sign the divorce papers either. Tried to tell me that wasn't the issue. Umm yeah its an issue for me.
Hey Paige, When my X & I split, our kids were grown, so I had no fears about them, but I didn't want the OW around my grandkids. They were so confused already. I did, however have a divorce earlier in life when my kids were small. For what it's worth, this I have learned through life.
Part of our unconscious fear is that somehow we will be replaced in the kids minds and hearts. That will never happen. There is a better than 50/50 chance that the OW doesn't want your kids around anymore than you want them around her. As for her 2 kids, your kids are plenty old enough to realize that Dad is spending all his time with these other kids, and may even voice their feelings about it to him. Will they be hurt, perhaps, but that is unfortunatly part of life. On the other hand, if she, or even someone else turns out to become the stepmother, the absolute very best you can honestly hope is that it is a caring person who will truly have affection for the kids. Not easy on you at the moment, but in the long run will be a blessing. I think I was a good stepmother to my H's boys. We still have a warm relationship. My oldest kids Dad had several wives.Some good, some not so good.
It appears that you may not have a choice in whether or not the "friend" is allowed into your kids life, but know in your heart that regardless of how she appears to your children, good or bad, your spot in their hearts and lives is sacred. You are the warm, loving, safe spot that they call home.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
