Where do I begin? How did my life get out of control?
Over the past 2 years after birth of S2, our problems began. We have a business together and I managed H, allowing for a lot of time and travel (for work) together. When our first was born, we had the natural conflicts, I struggled as a new mom, S had colic and challenges nursing, H was away for work 80% of time. Found out about a few EAs which I didn't react well to, on top of my complaining about the challenges of managing everything alone, i.e. business, home, parenting, and plain being lonely. H felts as though I didn't support his career. In the most recent year, we got pregnant with D, another EA, H partying and while traveling, H hired new co-manager, and husband had a tremendous career advancing opportunity (we're in the entertainment industry). Our competing careers drove us apart (I finally became a mom after 5 years of trying) and his career really took off allowing for all the perks fame can offer: money, power, sex.
H requested S a week after D was born. I did everything wrong until I found DB last week and immediately began to back-pedal. H has relocated for work through the end of June. He stated that he hasn't filed because he is too busy with work but knows he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, but "we will see how things go when I return." I'm trying to use this physical distance and time to my advantage. H wants me to travel with the kids to visit frequently. I don't know if I can manage to because wound is too raw and I hate the fact that he is an EA now and will be open to dating while away. I spoke to a DB coach (Jody) last week and she feels I can turn this around, begin with parent relationship. Since H left last week, our correspondence has been limited to mostly texts, mostly about work, once he inquired about a funeral I was going to attend, and once about the kids.
I was once his muse, a source of inspiration, now I'm just a financial obligation and the mother of his children.
Me 33 / H 30 T 10 / M 9 S 3 / D Infant Bomb 11.22.12 / Moved 11.29.12
